lumos

Harry: *staring at Draco Malfoy’s dot on the maurader’s map, muttering* what are you up to, Malfoy?

Draco: *from across the common room* we’re literally in the same room, Potter. You can see me completing my Potions essay. 

Harry: *still staring at the marauder’s map* hmmmm

Imagine if Dudley did have a magical child though.

He and Harry haven’t spoken since ‘I don’t think you’re a waste of space’ and he’s matured enough to realise his parents were not good to Harry, especially since the birth of his own little girls because God forbid anything happened to him and they were treated like Harry was.

On Daisy Dursley’s eleventh birthday theres a knock on the door and his wife, Anita, just stares and he feels his stomach drop because the stern lady on the doorstep is wearing a cloak and pointed hat.

They listen to the woman - Professor McGonagall - explain and Anita is surprised but receptive, Daisy is excited and Dudley is terrified of what this means.

It’s a surprise to his wife and little girl when at the end of her explanation, while Daisy’s flicking through a book with moving pictures and Anita peers over her shoulder, Dudley blurts out ‘it’s safe now then? Your world?’

Professor Mcgonagall gives a wry smile and assures him that the magical world is indeed safe. It dawns on him that she was expecting this, that she’d perhaps researched him and was aware of his relation to Harry.

He then admits to Anita and Daisy that his cousin is a wizard, before turning to the Professor and asking if she by chance knows a Harry Potter. Looking amused, professor Mcgonagall acknowledges that she does.

’D'you know where he lives?’

That does surprise her a bit, and she tells him that yes, she knows and that though Daisy’s acceptance into the school has been confidential up until this point, Harry would likely not mind a visitor if he wanted a word.

Daisy begs to come along and he relents eventually, bringing Anita and their youngest, Poppy, along.

All four of them stand on the doorstep of a modest house that Dudley would call nice if there weren’t squat little creatures snickering and running around the front garden.

The door is opened by a slouching boy with turquoise hair who arches a purple eyebrow at them. He yells over his shoulder for someone named Ginny and steps back to let them in, and, when he notices Daisy staring at his hair, he smirks and a second later it’s bubblegum pink.

Daisy squeals in delight and Dudley is still trying to get his head around that when young girl and boy around Daisy’s age with bright red hair and thick brown curls respectively, hurtle down the corridor.

‘Teddy you promised you’d practice the sloth grip roll with us!’ The girl yells in an accusatory tone.

A woman with hair the same shade of flaming red as the little girl appears with what Dudley recognises as a wand in her hand as the boy with blue hair flashes a grin at them before chasing the two younger children outside to a shout of ‘No higher than the treetops Teddy!’

Harry is much like Dudley remembers him, lanky with a pointed face, straight nose and mess of untameable black hair. It’s awkward, but, apparently forewarned, Harry greets him pleasantly and introduces his wife before Ginny goes outside to reign in a gaggle of children he assumes aren’t all Harry’s.

A woman with thick, bushy hair pulled into a messy bun with a wand stuck in it smiles and makes an effort to talk to Anita. She’s not too strange, he thinks, and reassures them that her parents were just as baffled when they found out she was a witch.

‘Why don’t you take Daisy outside to see the broomsticks, Al?’ Harry suggests to Daisy’s obvious delight and Dudley swears Harry’s trying not to laugh.

By the end of the visit Dudley is more informed about the wizarding world than he ever thought he would or wanted to be. Daisy, with a bruise on her forehead and scraped knees, because despite both his and Harry’s warning she hadn’t been able to resist trying to fly, is bouncing off the walls because ‘daddy how could you not tell us?!’

They visit Harry’s a lot over summer and Daisy befriends Lily Luna Potter and Hugo Weasley. Dudley doesn’t feel up to the trip to Diagon Alley but regrets his decision to not go when Daisy comes back with two owls, ‘uncle Harry bought the second one for me! So you can write without having to wait for me to send my owl!’

Petunia Dursley faints when she finds out, and Vernon spends a good half hour cursing and brandishing things aimlessly before retreating to his shed.

Dudley being introduced to what he calls ‘all those bloody gingers’ some of whom are only just on the right side of civil to him (one cheerfully introduces himself as someone who once visited his childhood home in a flying car and asks if he’s going to need to do the same for Daisy or will she be allowed to attend without punishment).

Daisy is shocked to find out Harry’s famous, and finds out as much as she can about him during her first term, which she relays to an increasingly guilty feeling Dudley, who’s gradually coming around to the idea.

It’s not as bad as his parents made out it was. He’s learned to understand Daisy’s ramblings about her subjects and spells and is proud of her achievements at school. He’s met a handful of witches and wizards through Harry and the world that he’s always been told is terrible doesn’t seem too bad anymore, after all, how could it with his little girl in it? He is prepared come excitable little Poppy’s eleventh birthday, for her to join her sister at Hogwarts instead of standing jealously on the platform as she leaves.

Poppy Dursley never gets a letter.

I TRUSTED YOU

No, but imagine. Three generations later, this family FINALLY gets the one wizard kid/one Muggle kid thing right. Poppy is never made to feel less, even though she’s disappointed. Daisy is never made to feel like a freak. Poppy is accepted by Harry’s kids, they play with her and she doesn’t need magic to play wizard chess or toss gnomes and Teddy takes her flying sometimes (she becomes a hell of a Quidditch referee and strategist with Ginny’s help, though she never plays).

Anita and Dudley talk to Poppy about what she’d like to do for school and she goes to a prestigious Muggle school, and as it turns out she becomes really, really good at tech and coding. She takes lots of time off to visit Daisy at Hogwarts where she becomes a favorite of McGonagall (so many clever questions). Eventually she meets Luna and spends most of a summer with her, following Crumple-Horned Snorkacks with the help of some trackers Poppy built to work around magic. Everyone is terribly impressed, and although Poppy tries to be blasé about it, she’s actually really proud.

And soon enough Daisy is graduating and working at the Ministry in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office with Arthur Weasley, who has been working on loosening some of the legislation, and when Poppy graduates she has a marvelous idea. She and Daisy open a shop in Diagon Ally for all these Muggle technologies that Poppy has fixed to work around and with magic. Dursley’s Muggle Magic, they call it.

And suddenly wizards are running around with iPhones and Kindles (Hermione made a digital copy of Hogwarts, a History RIGHT AWAY) and everyone is catching up on decades of video games and a century of movies. Scorpius Malfoy has an Apple Watch. And it’s all thanks the Poppy Dursley, the Muggle.

When Ron, frustrated with studying for NEWTs and with Hermione’s anxious sixth-year nagging, explains to her what reading is like for him, Hermione’s breath catches. “Ron, you’re dyslexic,” she says, softly, and instantly regrets every snide comment she’s ever made towards his study habits. 

Soon, by asking around, Hermione amasses a list of spells for Ron to try - some stilling the page, some changing the font of books for easy reading, some going after Ron’s temporal lobe directly. 

These help, a little, but not as much as knowing there’s a word for why reading is so hard for him. That it’s normal, that he’s not stupid, and that Hermione suddenly helps instead of criticizes, looks for solutions rather than complains, praises instead of gloats. 

!!! Oh

#listen tho what if #muggles are terrible about disabilities#but wizards are even worse#they don’t even have the terminology that muggles do#it’s all ‘kinda loony’ or “just dim’ or (most often) ‘not a talented witch/wizard’#and ofc ~everyone knows~ that all illnesses can be cured with magic#(except for some magical illnesses that can’t be cured at all)#but as ron talks more with hermione and other muggleborns#and researches the spells hermione gets him#and realizes that most of the spell creators probably also had dyslexia but had no word for it#he realizes that what ‘everyone knows’ isn’t true at all#after abt a year of this he talks to mcgonagall abt changing his career goals#goes into healing with a concentration on research#and a secret concentration on finding out what muggles know and bringing it into the wizarding world#(his dad is so proud of him and prolly helps out a lot too)

this paragraph is better than anything jk ever wrote about grown ron

Ok but someone tell me why Harry didn’t grow up to be the best Defense Against Dark Arts professor Hogwarts has ever known

RIGHT??? what is up with this he becomes an auror crap?? Harry would have loved being a teacher and watching his students improve throughout the years. Revamping the curriculum because if he could teach kids as a child himself how to cast a patronus, perhaps everything they think of as only NEWTs levels and beyond really just weren’t taught well before. 

Making him become an auror just makes him continue the fight he was forced into as a child and didn’t enjoy, Harry enjoyed teaching the DA. Why wouldn’t he chase after doing something he loves with his life????? And then he’d be able to train the next generation to make sure that they can protect the world, too. 

thisthisthisthisthis

YES. I can just picture Professors Potter and Longbottom joking about students and the other teachers during meals, playing mini pranks on Headmistress McGonagall, who’d purse her lips and remind them that they were adults, then look away before they could catch the twinkle in her eye. All the students would either have a massive crush on them or admire them or both. Harry is the only teacher capable of taming Teddy (who became known as the prank king, comparable to the Weasley’s twins) and eventually James, Al, and Lily. He develops connections with each of his students and teaches them according to the way he’s noticed they learn best and his classroom becomes a usual hangout for students, as he’s always got food and a “lame dad joke” that everyone secretly loves.

I could go on, but I have to stop myself before I get too into this.

Okay, this now officially drives me nuts because this would have made SO MUCH SENSE. And not only because of Harry’s temperament. Yes, he would have LOVED teaching DADA, but do you know who else wanted to teach DADA? Tom Riddle. Voldemort cursed the position so no one could stay for over a year, and Rowling said that the curse broke upon his death. It would have brought the Prophecy’s plot line to full circle, because it shouldn’t have been anyone other than Harry who became the first un-cursed DADA professor. It would have been just another part Harry vanquished.

And how important would it be to the students as well, and to him being able to progress with a comfortable, normal life? Because every witch/ wizard in the UK  goes through Hogwarts. The first year after the war, he starts, and the students all come home at Christmas or in the summer and their parents are all ‘WOW you’ve been taught by HARRY POTTER what was he like?” And all these students who are totally over it already like “I don’t know, just… he’s just Professor Potter. He’s just Harry. He makes shit jokes and hands out chocolate in lessons. He’s just a really great guy.”  And over the years it stops being people yelling ‘The Chosen One’ or ‘The Boy Who Lived’ in the streets. He goes in to Diagon Alley with his family and everyone’s like ‘Oh my god, Sir! Hi! Look, it’s Professor Potter!’ And no-one wants to know how it felt to die or what vanquishing Voldemort was like- they want to tell him how their doing, and chat with him about how they want to go into the Aurors or Dragon taming, or what they’re doing now. They want one of their favourite teachers to meet their kids, reminisce about old lessons.

But of course, everyone still knows it’s Harry Potter. And it becomes like a thing among the students, whenever anyone feels low on confidence or like they’ll never achieve things in life, and someone’ll cut in like ‘Of course you can. Harry defeated the greatest Dark Wizard in memory, and he’s a massive dork who’s a little bit frightened of his wife and kids, still trips over the trick step, didn’t get the date he wanted to the Yule Ball and spills pumpkin juice all over his robes regularly. He’s human just like you, and if he could do that, you can sure as hell make the DMLE if that’s what you want.”

Like Harry and Neville being constant reminders to all their students that heroes are just people- just real, normal, faulty people. (And then can we also have Ginny Weasley, taking some time off from playing professional Quidditch so she comes to do a few years as the flying coach. And her first year Harry goes down to the pitch with a few of the 7th years he has under his wing, and Ginny being, as always, vaguely terrifying but in an incredibly attractive way. And all these 7th years just gaping at her like ‘Woah. You are married to her?!” And Harry just massively smug like ‘Yeah, I know right?’)

lucius malfoy makes a point of not understanding any references to muggle media

arthur weasley, armed with a list of good oneliners from harry and hermione, is going to take advantage of that

I need this in a fic, please and thank you.

part of me hopes adult harry james potter is knowingly currently apparating here and there and everywhere without a proper apparition license because he never actually got one and no one at the ministry wants to be That Asshole™ that brings it to his attention

@hpnextgensource members event: fave het pairs

Things to imagine:

bathroom. six years old. mum wrapping her in a towel. steam on the mirror. her giggles echoing off the tiled walls. peter pan pyjamas. hair dripping down her back. drying in front of the fire.

bathroom. seven. swimming in the tub. goggles on. holding her breath underwater. has to come out for dinner. doesn’t want to. does, but only because there’s ice cream for dessert. doesn’t take the goggles off.

bathroom. nine. freckles on her elbows. water’s too hot. wants to be an olympic diver. bathers on because last week petunia said she had a fat tummy and now she wants to hide it. hair in a swimming hat that is really just her mother’s floral shower cap.

bathroom. eleven. crying after petunia called her freak. how much of this water is her tears? gets out of the tub too fast, slips. cracks her head open on the tiles. blood everywhere. her mother screaming. still crying as her father lifts her in his arms. rushed to the hospital in her towel.

bathroom. twelve. standing up in the shower. blood on the tiles. is that her blood? is she dying? runs out of the bathroom yelling for her mother. just her period. petunia smirking. feeling shellshocked. eating chocolate and watching lost in space on the tv. grinning like a champ.

bathroom. fourteen. picking at a spot in front of the mirror. plucks out half her eyebrow. tries to cover it up. potter can’t see, he’ll make fun of her. stupid potter. made fun of her knobbly knees in the yard the other day and she hit him for it. you’re the bigger knob, she told him. looking at her knobbly knees reflected back at her, freckly. they’re quite nice, she thinks. i’m quite nice.

bathroom. fifteen. floor of the shower. tear tracks. heart breaking. won’t let you. holding her heart, bloody and raw in her hands, in that courtyard. let me? mascara smudges. raining outside the window. doesn’t matter, she doesn’t have anyone to go see anymore. no-one to ride her bike with, sit by the lake with. looking at herself in the mirror. does her blood run dirty?

bathroom. sixteen. twirling in a floral dress. mary’s lipgloss. bruise from where she slipped down the stairs. flushed cheeks. petunia yelling at her to hurry up. pretending she can’t hear. hairdryer. singing blondie lyrics into her hairbrush. more yelling. leaves her wet towel on the floor. she used petunia’s again. wasn’t an accident.

bathroom. seventeen. potter’s such a dick. bright eyes. ink on her fingers. wants to write his name in lipstick on the mirror. messy hair. summer freckles, a few on her nose, more on her shoulders. potter told her last week he likes her freckles. god, she’s smiling so hard. why is she smiling so hard?

bathroom. eighteen. shaking. dirt and blood under her nails. cut on her left cheek. sprained wrist. james bandaging it for her on the edge of the bath. gentle fingers, large hands, callouses. there’s still light behind her eyes from all the flashes. bodies hitting the ground. hit and run. she’s too young for this. they’re all too young for this.

bathroom. nineteen. overflowing sink. corner of the room. lighting threatening to split the skies apart. hair in damp ringlets. choking on sobs. can’t stop crying. won’t stop crying. marlene’s face. marlene’s body lying on the floor. marlene laughing. marlene screaming. marlene dying. she’s dead, lily. she’s dead. chest cleaving in two, ribs breaking, no air. can’t stop crying. door cracking open. his arms, her name in his mouth. cradled against his chest, in the corner of the room. james, it hurts. more crying. i know, i know. i have you, evans.

bathroom. nineteen. hair in curls. peony-pink lips. baby’s breath wreath around her head. white dress. mary smiling at her in the mirror. perfume clogging her nostrils. everyone bustling around her. sirius hammering on the door. peter needs help with his cufflinks. sirius threatening to let james in if they don’t hurry the hell up. mary yelling that they can’t start the wedding without the bride. sirius yelling that they bloody well can and they will. james’s voice on the other side of the door. her stomach in knots. smiling like she doesn’t know she has to compete with the sun.

bathroom. twenty. nursing harry in the bath. giggling as she pours water over his head. james distracting him with a rubber duck. are you trying to drown him, evans, jesus christ. snapping back that if he hadn’t let sirius get tomato sauce in harry’s hair they wouldn’t be having this conversation. smell of burning from the kitchen. did you forget to turn the stove off, james? him swearing, her yelling at him to stop swearing in front of harry, harry saying bugger. harry laughing. all three of them laughing. smoke alarm going off. life is ok. life is good.

bathroom. twenty-one. there’s no-one there. distant screaming in the next room. vase being broken. a baby crying. someone coming up the stairs. a door opening. someone else crying. a motorcycle. more footsteps, getting distant. a door closing. silence. endless, irrevocable silence, like a single sigh, a breath being expelled. an empty bathroom. empty hallway, empty living room, empty kitchen. empty house. empty world. empty life.

anyway, harry potter Concept where down the road the boy who lived thing becomes less relevant and most people know him from the pictures of when he was a teenager, so by the time he’s middle aged all of harry’s interactions play out exactly like that tony hawk tweet

a harry potter au where potions is taught by gordon ramsay

neville: *messes up his potion*

gordon ramsay: *holds neville between two slices of bread* what are you

neville: an idiot sandwich

no no no!

Imagine that this is Gordon Ramsay a la Masterchef Junior

Neville: *messes up the potion, realizes it, starts crying quietly*

GR: What’s going on?

Neville: *explains how he messed up*

GR: Oh gosh okay…we can fix this, don’t cry, see, it’s fine now? Just be more careful when you’re adding the Newt’s eyes, all right? Drop them in gently. There we go. No more tears.

Neville: *giggles wetly, wiping eyes*

Yes, he only screams when he’s dealing with people that claim to know what they’re doing and clearly dont, when he’s teaching he’s very kind and patient because they’re still learning.

He’d probably do the bread thing to Malfoy.

nononononono. I get that Malfoy is a bit of a twat, but he’s still a kid. It’d be the teachers fucking up that he’d have trouble with.

Ramsay: All you had to do was treat it with a fucking Beozar! 

Slughorn: It was a stressfu-

Ramsay: How long have you been teaching potions?!

or

Ramsay: So you’re going to raise this boy SPECIFICALLY so he can die as part of your twisted little scheme? 

Dumbledore: It’s for the greater good, professor. 

Ramsay: The greater fucking good?! *holds two slices of bread either side of dumbledoor’s face* What are you? 

Dumbledore: Am I, per chance, an idiot sandwich? 

Ramsay: Yes, you fucking are. 

Okay, now I can reblog it!

@marauders4evr

Fantastic!

@alrightanakin

I’m in love

I MUST HAVE REBLOGGED A THOUSAND TIMESSSS

My favorite Gordon Ramsey moment is from the latest season of Master Chef Jr.

Gordon had run in to help a group of struggling kids with a team challenge and one of the older kids, a 12 year old boy, wasn’t passing attention while taking a pan out of the oven and not only spilled all the food but scalded Gordon.

It’s clear Gordon’s leg is in pain. He’s been badly burned without warning. But he doesn’t scream. He doesn’t yell, not even in pain, and he doesn’t go off on the child who is now frozen in fear. He calmly tells the child to set the pan down and to close the oven, safety first. Then tells him to go restart the food he was making, calm instructions.

My husband and I grew up in abusive homes where any mistake meant parents getting angry (my husband is terrified of spills or broken glasses because that meant beatings growing up, for me, anything going wrong, that could upset my mother, even if it wasn’t my fault meant screaming and emotional abuse).

I didn’t know someone could be so calm. That someone could not get angry, and put aside what they’re feeling (in this case a lot of physical pain) and not take it out on those around them, even when someone around them had messed up, because that person is a child.

Gordon Ramsey is a survivor of child abuse himself and as an adult, the most non-abusive person ever when it comes to kids.

im going to cry can gordon ramsey be my parent this sound so beautiful

Please take a moment to picture Gordon Ramsay taking over Potions when Snape becomes the DADA professor (instead of Slughorn) and not only being horrified when he realizes how terrified the students are that he’ll verbally abuse them when they mess up in Potions class but when he overhears how Snape treats students. Like can you IMAGINE the level of RAGE and CONTEMPT that Ramsay would harbor towards Snape? The asshat wouldn’t have made it to the end of HBP. Ramsay would’ve hexed his ass to kingdom come.

Rebloging ALL of this because Chef Ramsay is THE MAN!

-HC

Chef Ramsay would have become the kids’ favourite teacher and you can’t take that away from me.

Imagine him dealing with Umbridge

GR: WANDS AWAY??! How are they meant to pass exams without actually performing the charm they’re meant to do?? 

Umbitch: a theoretical knowledge will be sufficient to get them through their examinations…

GR: you fUCKING DONKEY!

Gordan Ramsay is a god and no one can tell me otherwise

seamus finnigan modelled for a bunch of ‘potion lab safety’ posters

mostly as a ‘what not to do’ guide

every patronus hermione granger has ever produced was done with the memory of how it felt to deck malfoy right in his smug bastard face