Seeing as nothing attacked John (yet), Sherlock followed the path down and joined him. The dodo just stood there like a marble statue, or a taxidermied counterpart, unblinking. Sherlock elbowed John. “What should we do?”

“No idea, Bumble.” He crouched and offered the dodo his palm to… sniff it or whatever. The dodo made a strange sound and inched closer. Flocks of birds gathered round, and John felt as though he were a Disney Princess – or Steve Irwing. He can shake hands with Greg. “Hey there, buddy. We’re friends.”

The dodo surged forward, purring as it rubbed against John’s legs, climbing in his lap. He huffed, falling on his butt and the dodo cuddled him, immediately friendly and trusting of this stranger. A crinkle appeared between John’s eyebrows, amused and fond. He petted the flightless bird, chuckling.

“Yeah, I can see why you’re extinct. Friendly dumbass. What if I lied?”

“You rarely do,” Sherlock said, sitting besides him and tracing fingers atop the bird’s grey head and tricolour beak. “But he is dumb.”

The dodo’s neck snapped to glare at Sherlock. He made an offended, “Meep!” and turned his back to him. Sherlock frowned.

“What? You’re too gullible.” Some crows agreed with him, but a couple swallows chirped in the dodo’s defense. Wow, things were getting heated in the dodo fandom. John caressed the dodo’s feathers and back, consoling it.

“It’s alright,” he said, “you just want a friend, right?” The dodo meeped in agreement, if a bit sadly. John cuddled him tighter but carefully so as not to hurt him. “Aw. Don’t listen to Sherlock, he’s gullible too.”

“Wrong. And I can hear you.”

John ignored him, suppressing a smirk. The dodo purred. “Oh, he is gullible. And adorable. But so are you! Aren’t you, buddy? Oh, yes. You just want some friends. Well, good news, I’ll be your friend. What’s your name, hm?”

“Meep meep,” the dodo answered, leaving an incredulous Sherlock huff disdainfully. John flashed him a smile.

“Meep? Or Meep-Meep?”

“Meep.”

“Meep, okay,” John confirmed, planting a small kiss on Meep’s beak.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Sherlock stared at them, most likely questioning John’s sanity. Too bad, he dragged John here against all odds, ha!

John twisted to face Sherlock. There was a pout on his lips and a scowl scrunching his nose and face in distaste. “Jealous?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, John. I won’t be jealous of a dumb bird who can’t differentiate a friend from a fiend.”

“Meep!”

• Cas is an angel yet to be yeeted to turbo hell from Heavens, a.k.a. early season 4 Cas vs season 1 Sherlock Okay, so this is one possibility that popped to mind. Season 4 Cas is a bit rough around the edges before Dean starts getting to him, and he doesn't have much patience, or rather, understanding for petty human bitch fights. Sherlock has a big bitch energy we all know and love, and him from Season 1 meeting Cas would be interesting. He'd try to deduce everything, but Cas is pretty much an enigma, plus Sherlock is most likely an atheist, so he'd fight having stroke first. Physical fight wise: Cas would win. Grace is in his celestial veins and he doesn't fuck around. Remember that Dean punched him square in the face and his hand hurt, and Dean's a strong guy. Sherlock would have the same 'oof' reaction, and then he'd get either pacified or thrown across the room if he bothered Cas too much or tried to start something, essentially getting his ass whooped. Deduction wise: I think it's a tie. Sherlock is a brilliant consulting detective, he observes, but Cas in a human vessel is odd even for angel standards. Remeber how he stood in one place in s4 and talked? Unused to a vessel, he has little to reveal, right? I believe Sherlock would have a bit of trouble assessing the angel, but he'd get something. However, let's remember that Cas can read your mind by just touching your forehead. He'd get a read of Sherlock faster. Conclusion: Cas would likely win here. Sherlock wouldn't really have much luck even if he had John shooting from a cover like it happened in ASiP, cuz Cas is basically invincible here.

• Season 6 Cas vs Season 2 Sherlock Here's where things start to get a bit interesting. Cas was resurrected so he has his angel juice pumping in his veins, but now, even though his people skills are a bit "rusty" he is growing in love with Dean humanity and he wants the other angels to chill the fuck out. Sherlock from Season 2 is getting his shit together as well. See: The Hound of Baskerville and The Reichenbach Fall. 'Nuff said. Now, both of these idiots have done things to ensure their friends stay safe. Cas lied, Sherlock lied, their friends ended up sad. Where is this going to? Deduction wise: Cas can still read Sherlock. But now, Sherlock would be able to deduce Castiel's motives or what's going on, I believe. Give him a bit and he has it solved. (oh boy can you imagine what a meeting between Sherlock and Crowley would be like? Have John present to see how Crowley unashamedly flirts with Sherlock and you've got a johnlock confession coming) But it's worth mentioning that Cas would likely be aware of Moriarty and Sherlock's plan too, since he'd pull an uno reverse card if things got petty. Physical fight: Cas has the upper hand still, but here Sherlock wouldn't really try his luck anyway. I don't think it would be prompted UNLESS for a division of sorts ("Punch me in the face!" "What?" "Punch me in the face, didn't you hear?" "I always hear 'punch me in the face' when you speak") Conclusion: a tie.

• Season 9 Cas (human!Cas) and Season 3 Sherlock So, you see how this is going. Here they even out, slightly. Well. Sherlock is back, Cas is human, and returning back to their friends is somewhat not as easy as expected. Sherlock has humbled down, and Cas is back after the clusterfuck of s8. I think it's pretty obvious they think more before acting right now (okay, not Sherlock, not really - see: him leaving the hospital to expose Mary) and as such the deduction game is on the forefront more. Physically, Sherlock wouldn't really want to get into that for more obvious reasons. They're both tired and beaten down and adjusting. If something happened and they were about to fight, I think it would be even. Sherlock is capable of beating a bitch, and Cas as well. He's been an angel for 99% of his long-ass existence, so there's no way he'd forget how to fight. He is now prone to injuries, though, so Sherlock would have an easier time locating his weak spots, but Cas has that Uno reverse card ready, y'all. At the end of the day, it's 50/50 and depends if they're acquainted or not. They wouldn't hesitate to use whatever means if they posed danger to the people they love, so that's a factor. If they're friends and it's for a ruse, it's going to be a hilarious clusterfuck. If they played Cluedo.... I guess Sherlock would get his way of saying the rules are wrong and Cas gives in, not knowing how it should go anyway, so he rolls with it. They both win if teamed up.

• Season 15 Cas and Season 4 Sherlock They both cry together man. Take it as a lose or a win-win, up to you.

• playing chess: a tie. they are relentless and plan the shit out of it, Sherlock tries to play fair at first but then he wants to see how he can cheat without Cas noticing
• deducing strangers for fun: a tie, but Sherlock has more experience with random encounters, so he'd top Cas by some. Cas isn't dumb, he'd get things right, but some details would escape him, I think, namely reasons for certain things people do or not because he isn't used to living on Earth much. this would be a nice friend bonding experience (one that I'll use at some point soon ;))
• in a rap fight: here I am referencing my Sherlock's obsession with musicals, esp. Hamilton. He'll win every time, or until Cas learned the way of Broadway. Watch Sherlock spill Angelica's and Laffayette's bars like there's no tomorrow
• fight with an angel blade: Cas wins. Angels blades are heavy sons of bitches, and it might take Sherlock a little off-guard in general. Balancing it like a sword and whatnot is a conscious, difficult job I imagine [BY THIS I DO NOT MEAN THEY STAB EACH OTHER just training and fake-fighting]
• having a marathon across London: depends if Cas is human or not. Human? Sherlock outruns you like the brainy bitch he is with the map of the city memeorised. Cas has wings? Blibk blink, bitch, he's there right now.
• having a contest of who has more alcohol tolerance: honestly, I don't know. If Cas was 'on a bender', he drank a whole liquor store and didn't get blood poisoning thanks to angel juice, well. Sherlock stands no chance. If they're both human, they're both wasted. Sherlock knows ash, Cas knows The Real Housewives of Orange County (personal headcanon)
• contest who knows their SO better: a tie. they one-up each other at every given opportunity, tho