Wizards have as much faith in magic as software designers have in software - none at all. A wizard is explaining to the rest of the party why they won't use magic to solve all their problems.
We’re all important! Never forget that.
lookin back at this, and I’m doin a lot better than I was in 2017 (despite everything). I hope you are too
One of my favorite D&D gags that I ever came up with is part of a oneshot I've run a few times where the party is hired by a young wizard to help clear out a few active security measures in a tower that the wizard inherited from her old teacher.
The first obstacle to be cleared is the re-animated skeletons that the old wizard was using for gardening help. It's a pretty straightforward fight, but during the encounter, players may notice one particular raised bed of herbs that is set back in a corner of the garden by itself.
Upon further investigation, this one raised bed is absolutely shining with magical protections. There are runes carved into the wood of the bed, gemstones inlaid in the top of it, this bed is absolutely protected out the ass... and an arcana check shows that the protections are all pointed inward, attempting to keep what's in there from getting out.
What's growing in that raised bed, you may ask? What is so dangerous that the old wizard felt the need to place all these protections?
Mint.
You know that Ada Limón poem where she’s like “i can’t help it i love the way men love”? my dad recently confessed to me that he became a shoemaker because they buried my grandma shoeless
oh…………………………………
Accident Report in the Tall, Tall Weeds - Ada Limón
I love the wording the Wikipedia article uses
Jakub Rad invented the sugar cube after his wife badly injured herself in a sugarloaf-cutting mishap
Mirando Otto as ÉOWYN The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Actually considering the wide range and overlap of pelvic structures of all sexes, it’s more likely they will identify your gender based on your belongings, burial, and culture! So basically, darling, serve cunt hard enough and the archeologists will see that cunt, too ❤️
never getting over “the archeologists will see that cunt”
Can confirm!
This geology bread is the spiritual twin of my archaeology cake.
No but the Hunger Games really said "what do you hate more- the atrocities or the people who commit them against you? Because like it or not there IS a difference. If you hate the people who commit acts of pure evil more than you hate the acts themselves, what will stop you from becoming just like your enemies in your pursuit of justice? What will keep you from commiting those very same acts against THEM when the opportunity arises? And what then? The cycle of pain and suffering will never stop. Round and round it'll go. Nothing will ever change. But. BUT. If you hate the atrocities. If you hate the vile, senseless acts MORE than you hate the people who did them to you. If you are able to see that evil is evil regardless of who does it... The cycle ends with you. No, you may never get justice. But you will never be responsible for making others, even your enemies, suffer the same crimes you have. The atrocities will never be committed by you, never by your hand. And that's the way you change the world. It's the ONLY way" and that's why I am sure it will never stop being one of the most relevant works of fiction ever created
Agatha when the witches road actually appeared:
I feel like Bilbo would teach the elves of Rivendell the concept of a mathom with the express purpose of oh so politely asking them over dinner how were the Silmarils not a mathom
Random Feanorian elf inherited by Elrond: That's not... No.
Bilbo: Oh so they were useful?
Elf: Well. No, not exactly
Bilbo: But the owners didn't want to throw them away.
Elf: Yeah
Bilbo: And they were in possession of several people over the course of years.
Elf: Yeah
Bilbo: That's a mathom.
Elf: No! We loved them because were very pretty!!! And one of a kind!!! Crafted by hands more skilled than any of ours!!!
Bilbo: Yes, like my great aunt's set of painted dishcloths
Elf, in tears: The Silmarils were not like your great aunt's set of painted dishcloths
Bilbo: How's The Great Mathom War as a title for a poem about the First Age?
By the way, it's important to me that Elrond supports Bilbo's claim and finds it quite insightful actually
My brother's girlfriend had HPV, so he went to get himself the HPV vaccine. There is a fee to pay (nothing much, something like €87) but it's completely free if you're in one of the "at risk" groups.
"What does that mean," he asks. "It's free if you're gay," he's told. "Ah. Would I have to like, prove it, or...?" "Just put in a check mark here."
My brother is in no way, shape or form attracted to men, but also he's stingy as it gets. So now he's officially gay. Congrats bro.
"Doctor, give it to me straight" "You sure, there's a fee" "… Give it to me gay"
AGAB (Assigned Gay At Billing)
Fascinated by the fact that his first question was about if he'd have to prove it. I wanna know how far that man would go to save less than a dollar
Sorry, do you think 87 euros is less than a dollar
Why is no one talking about how Rio exits by literally cutting through the set like when I tell you I had to pause and walk away because she can break the 4th wall as she’s not a player in the story she’s just death
That is the coolest fucking way to use a practical set get outta here
i thinkit would be cool if there was an omegaverse but for salmon instead of wolves. Like when the time comes certain members of society get really juicy musclewise and get yiffy fangs and are suddenly compelled to return to the neighborhood they grew up in and 96 hours later show up barefoot in full starvation mode and ravaged by walking through interstate traffic to fuck whoevwr smells the best in the local burger king. Then afterwards they die and disintegrate to be eaten by seagulls in the parking lot
omega-3verse
not a single reliable narrator in sight
My doctor and therapist: now with this autism + ADHD diagnosis you need to learn to unmask because masking all the time will make you burn out again and feel like shit
Other people: well it's just interesting how after getting the diagnosis you suddenly start behaving like that I mean I'm not saying you're faking it's just funny how you suddenly cannot be normal like you were before
THIS IS SO TRUE!
bUt yOu nEveR hAd a pRoBLem wiTH this bEfOre?!
BITCH I have spent 35 years thinking I was just inherently bad at being a person, now I find out I have a disability? That it’s actually (checks notes) NOT THIS HARD FOR EVERYONE?! What the fuck do you mean other people aren’t getting distracted because they can hear the electricity?! Yeah I think I’m gonna give myself a break actually. The microwave IS too loud, now fuck off.