The Mashpotatoe Queen

I love Phineas’s optimism about Candace. Like what has ever happened to make him think this? Nothing. 

phineas and ferb heritage post

This is the /an/ post that keeps on giving.

This is better than anything I’ve ever made.

Post that lives in my head rent free

Absolutely THRILLED that this post is making the rounds again.

HAPPY LAO BAN SANTA DAY

Merry: we’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Legolas will and will not eat

Pippin: grass? yes!

Merry: moss? yes!!

Pippin: leaves? Ohh, yes!

Merry: bootlaces? Strange but true!

Pippin: worms? Sometimes!

Merry: Rocks? Nah

Pippin: twigs? usually!

Merry: Pippin’s cooking? Inconclusive!

Faramir: how did you… test this

Merry: you just hand him stuff and say ‘this is for you’ and if he eats it, he eats it

Faramir: …….I don’t know how to feel about this

Aragorn: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE BOOTLACES WENT

Pippin: well what did you need so many spare bootlaces for anyway

Aragorn: in case… the ones in my boots…. break!!!

Pippin: !!!!!ohhh!!!

Merry: aha!

Faramir: how could you not know that

Pippin: pff you expect me to know how boots work? *walks away*

Legolas: when I ate them, I did not know they were your bootlaces. I thought they were leathery and inferior worms.

Aragorn: so you didn’t even enjoy them

Aragorn: why did you eat them ALL if you didn’t enjoy them

Legolas: Merry and Pippin seemed to like it when I ate the gifts they gave me so usually I ate them

Merry: *slamming his fist down upon the table* you’ve COMPROMISED our test results!! 

Gimli, from a distance: 

Merry, yelling back: WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT IT ARE YOU A SCIENTIST

Gimli: YES

This is UNFAIR because obviously Merry and Pippin are conducting a Single-Subject research design which is commonly used in fields like psychology where the subject works as its own control. They aren’t testing all elves willingness to eat twigs, they’re testing Legolas’ willingness to eat twigs.

By outing their testing in what is obviously the intervention stage and not allowing for a natural return to the reversal stage, Aragon has possibly ruined months of data. 

In conclusion, Gimli is acting like a second year hard-science major who just took their first statistics course and both he and Aragorn should feel bad

Hell yeah! Tell em my social science sibling! Also it’s clearly a qualitative - observational case study!

I appreciate everyone defending them but Merry and Pippin DEFINITELY ruined their own results by laughing every time Legolas ate one of their ‘gifts’

Did they though? Technically their research question was just “will he eat it” not “does he eat it normally/unprompted”. The fact that he choose to eat it because they had conditioned him to eat things they handed to him doesn’t invalidate the premise, since he did still eat the Thing

That’s fair. I stand corrected, they were doing fine.

possibly their experiment was “can we condition legolas to eat anything we hand him”

They need a more clearly stated research question

Good morning, everyone. Do you want some Soft Trio Headcanons? I do, too. - One of Yuuri’s highest relationship tiers is ‘I will say salty things about people I don’t like in front of you’ and when Yurio reaches that point with him, it is like Actual Christmas.

- They always end up gravitating together at functions with sponsors/officials/etc because they instinctively dislike the same people.

- Yurio will never admit this, but these are usually the people who get weird and proprietary with Victor.

- If someone gets weird and proprietary with YURIO they will look up just in time to see their death coming in the form of the men’s singles power couple.

- Related: treating Yurio as some kind of Victor clone rather than his own person is the fastest way to get Victor to utterly freeze you out for the rest of your professional life.

- Yurio fights with Yuuri’s Twitter trolls the way he’d like to fight with Yuuri’s actual self-esteem.

- (“He wouldn’t want you doing this,” Victor says, conflicted.

“He ACTUALLY BELIEVES THIS SHIT,” Yurio seethes, already typing out a reply to the next egg.)

- (”Okay,” Yuuri asks the next morning, “why are both of your accounts suspended.”) - Yurio sometimes drifts over to stand next to Victor while he watches Yuuri practice. For the most part, they don’t say anything, but sometimes Yurio will gesture violently at Yuuri and whisper-hiss “HOW.”  Victor’s response is always a nod of deep understanding.

[ID: A picture of Neil Gaiman wearing an old-fashioned jacket with popped collar and a Stetson pulled low over his eyes, leaning back in his rocking chair with his boots propped up on an upside-down washing pan, saying “They came for gold an’ glory, but all they could find were sexbots an’ kittens. So they left. But I stayed. I stayed.”]

These tags by @tathrin deserve to be rebloggable

cell phone doesn't like water because it is a combination of the other three elements. it is a rock (earth) that we fill with lightning (fire) that can control radio waves (air). if it contained water too, it would be too perfect; it would be like a god. to prevent this, the universe kills the would be uniter-of-the-elements. it's basic science.

Hey op google what LCD stands for

i took an oath in third grade to never do drugs

I feel compelled to share one of my favorite bits from the Martian

I feel compelled to

share one of my favorite

bits from the Martian

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

I love when there’s a really bending heavy episode because you just KNOW Sokka is about to get the dumbest C plot

They stuck that boy in a hole for 22 minutes

I am sorry but I just CAN’T

still my favourite on set story ever

I still can’t believe they used IKEA FURNITURE FOR THE SET DESIGN!!! 

IT IS FUNNY BECAUSE FJELL MEANS MOUNTAIN IN NORWEGIAN/SWEEDISH!!!

this post is the epitome of quality

THIS IS THE HARDEST I HAVE LAUGHED IN SO LONG YOU HAVE CURED MY DEPRESSION

This is one of the greatest posts I’ve ever witnessed. The payoff was amazing.

@skittlesfairy

You’re a bad, bad lady

GUYS

Do you remember this classic Squidward moment:

I didn’t know if it existed and certainly never expected to see it

BUT BEHOLD

HONEST-TO-GOODNESS CANNED BREAD

I have no idea how this ended up in the Ohio food pantry I was volunteering at but they said I could have it

Should I report back with updates as I embark on this new adventure

OKAY GANG, I had a busy day yesterday and so the Canned Bread Adventure had to wait. But now we begin the journey! Hopefully the price will not be too great. (Mentally, of course, as the can was free.)

Now, this is marked as ready-to-serve, but there ARE instructions for heating up and even baking it. But of course we need to try multiple options to get more of the experience. Interestingly, the instructions SPECIFICALLY say to open BOTH ends of the can. You are also advised to use a spoon if the bread proves recalcitrant.

As the can opens, I begin to see why; it is clearly In There.

So regarding my first reactions, there is an… interesting aroma. Very rich, hauntingly familiar yet somehow foreign. Where HAVE I smelled that before…?

Oh well lets get it out!

The bread was indeed happy in its can and Not Having Any Of That with just the spoon, so I was forced to take extreme measures and run a knife along the inside. BEHOLD THE TOWER OF CANNED BREAD! On a positive note, the can lines make excellent cutting guides.

Time to taste! I admit to some hesitance. WHAT IS that smell?? It’s so FAMILIAR and yet makes me wary! I am getting flashes of old homestyle cooking and pioneer theme parks.

Oh right. Maybe I should check the ingredients list.

So it turns out this canned marvel consists of, among other things, mostly molasses and rye wheat. And baking soda! That’s right, friends, we are looking at a log of pure heftiness in terms of flavor profile. It is sweet and moist and yet somehow also savory and utterly drying. I immediately require cherry 7UP. My friends, I can confirm that if you like molasses, THERE IS DEFINITELY MOLASSES. The texture is very soft and, again, moist; if I had been presented a slice of this at a church benefit dinner, I would have called it some type of cake (then possibly politely nudged it to the side of my plate).

Now, research (aka my aunt googling it at the food pantry) suggests this is indeed one of those polarizing foods—if I remember correctly, one source predicted that you will either love it of have an instant hatred, and that it has been known to cause sharp family disagreements. I believe this to be accurate, as while I would not say I HATE it, I’m reluctant to eat the whole slice and can confidently place it on Weird Things To Try Only Once.

But that doesn’t matter, because this is FOR SCIENCE, and there are INSTRUCTIONS WE MUST FOLLOW

I’m unsure how splitting of the loaf (for lack of a better descriptor) would affect cooking times, and I do not have a toaster oven besides. So we will be popping this whole baby (minus one slice) in the oven and then trying it out with and without some cream cheese.

Mmm canned bread burrito.

I will be DELIGHTED if this crisps it up like a more traditional bready crust, but I am reserved in my hopes. Regardless, I shall report back later!

Quick Extra Note: That molasses smell PERMEATES. I am at least 15 feet away from the table where I opened the can, and it lingers around me like the faint savory-sweet ghost of an Appalachian kitchen from the 1800s.

WOW, I think like FIFTEEN new people followed me today (who either aren’t bots or are very well-disguised bots!) and I can only conclude this surge was from a burning curiosity to know the final results of the Canned Bread Journey. Well, wait no longer, friends, for here we go!

First, I have to say that the smell of bread baking apparently does ALWAYS smell good, regardless of the type of bread. My kitchen smelled lovely.

The molasses scent reasserted itself the instant I opened the tinfoil, but oh well. I grabbed my cream cheese and my apricot jelly and headed to my desk for the unveiling.

So first thing I noticed (besides the odor de molasses) is that it looks EXACTLY the same! Probably because of the tinfoil, or maybe this kind of bread just can’t form a crust, idk I am not a baker.

I then cut a plain slice, because again, for SCIENCE, we must try multiple avenues here. 

Verdict: It tasted… pretty much the same as before going in the oven? Very sweet/savory and moist and with that bitter rye flavor that some people like (I do not). But it was warmer, and that definitely had a positive effect. Most things that taste a little funny generally taste better at something other than room temperature, though. ESPECIALLY if it comes from a can. I ate one bite and did not feel compelled to experiment further down that road, so I just added the cream cheese spread (plain) to the piece and took my next bite.

Verdict: Okay! Now we’re getting somewhere! This is a nice balance - the sweet creaminess pairs well with the savory tones of the bread! I could finish a slice of this!

Now let’s add some jelly (apricot) on this bad boy:

Verdict: Nice! Nice! Refreshing balance! Ate two slices before rye aftertaste became too powerful. This is a very filling little bread, though, so I was satisfied. Overall River (that’s me) Rating: 5/10. To be fair to the bread, I am not a fan of rye OR molasses (or other bitter flavors, like coffee or dark chocolate). But to be fair to ME, my and my aunt’s google searches suggest that this food often forms Strong Opinions in both directions, but especially if you are from Massachusetts (possibly Boston specifically), which as far as I can tell is the only place in the whole U.S. that knows about and sells this stuff. They also eat it with beans and hotdogs—it actually says so under the heating instructions (which I missed, but I just ate spaghetti and do not want to open a whole can of beans, so some other brave non-MA soul can try that if they so desire.)

In conclusion: If you like strong, savory/sweet flavors like rye and/or molasses, you may enjoy this! I didn’t think it tasted particularly “canned” (although there were some flecks that MAY have been pieces of the can caught by my knife removal technique). It has a cakey texture that I did not find unpleasant. But if you dislike such flavors wholesale, or just feel an uncontrollable aversion to anything that bears the same shape as cranberry sauce freshly removed from the can, you may want to abstain.

[For Comparison:]

This was fun to try, though! Thank you for coming on this journey with me, and remember, don’t be afraid to try new things sometimes! =D As for the rest of the loaf, I have foiled it up again and plan to give it to my oldest brother, who historically likes rye AND molasses (and every single other food in the world EXCEPT, for some reason, marshmallows).

Bonus: Stormy finds the canned bread uninteresting. But she is a cat, so her opinion should always be taken with a grain of salt.

~River

Thank you for this flattering assessment of my post, I am honored, although we’re only at like 300+ notes, so it may be a bit premature. Not that I won’t be delighted if you have received the dodgeball of prophecy, mind you !

this fuckin movie

jesus christ this is spy kids I thought this was some shakespearian story

Shakespeare wishes he had what spy kids has

For the record while ATLA is an excellent show and Zukos redemption arc was perfectly paced, I would kill to have had Zuko join the Gaang at the end of book two, because the first half of book three would have been the funniest thing on the planet. Like. Just picture it. A bunch of unsupervised teenagers travelling undercover through enemy territory, trying to blend in… and the only people who have even been there before are 1. A guy who hasnt been there in a century, and 2. The former crown prince who has literally never spoken to a fire nation citizen who wasnt nobility, military, or one of his servants.

Like. Neither of them have any idea what they’re doing, or how normal fire nation citizens act, but they’re pretty sure the other one is wrong. Rest of the gaang knows even less. No adults. Zuko and Aang getting into a shouting debate over the finer points of fire nation culture is a nightly event. They are both so wrong, and so, so awkward

Zuko, for the fifth and probably not last time: FOR THE LAST TIME, NOBODY USES THE PHRASE ‘FLAMEO HOTMAN’!

Aang, aware of that fact but in too deep to back out now: OH YEAH? THEN WHAT DO THEY SAY!?

Zuko, clueless and bluffing: …Something about glory to the Fire Lord?

Toph, well aware that both are lying through their teeth and have no idea what they’re talking about, and fucking loving every second of this train wreck: Clearly the only solution is for both of you to go into town tomorrow and test your theories out.

And the side taking, oh my god the side taking from the other three. Katara sides with Aang every single time. Does she honestly believe that the people of the Fire Nation greet each other with ‘Flame on, my em-brother’? Hell no. Would she rather die than say that Zuko’s correct? Yes.

Sokka usually sides with Zuko, unless he comes up with something astoundingly stupid. Zuko’s thoughts, while usually wrong, sound a lot more plausible then Aangs, and fuck it he’s willing to take a gamble.

Toph is the closest thing to a neutral party they have, in that she knows damn well they’re all full of shit, and has chosen to instead egg them on to make it worse. She’s an agent of chaos, and this is free nightly entertainment. She’s having the time of her life right now.

The debate takes a brief pause once they stop going undercover and get to the business of actually saving the world, but holy shit. once things have settled down? it’s back on with a vengeance. Except now Aang and Zuko aren’t the two most wanted people in the Fire Nation, they’re the two most influential people in the world. They are trendsetters. They can make slang become a thing.

When Zuko first hears the phrase ‘flameo, hotman’ being thrown around casually, it takes a lot of deep breathing exercises to not immediately return to his previous occupation of hunting the Avatar.

Iroh: I’m so proud of the way you’ve been ruling, nephew. Flameo, hotman!

Zuko, in tears: How could you say that

The thing about bugs bunny is that he lives and dies by his bits. He’s fully capable of killing you if he wanted, but the thing is, not only is he a nice guy, he’s a funny guy. To beat bugs bunny, many people assume that you just have to not fall for the jokes. If he hits you with a pie, you don’t flinch, and eventually you’ll ware him down. The issue is, misery will only last you so long. There’s only so much bits to endure before it becomes funny. And whoever is getting laughed at is losing. Instead, to kill bugs bunny, you have to beat him at his own game. When he throws a pie, don’t try to sidestep or be a sourpuss, that’s playing into his hands. Instead, you comically open your mouth and swallow it whole. This is how you kill a god.

Not in the fucking slightest ^_^

ur personality is defined by ur favorite line in hallelujah

tag your favorite line of hallelujah

“tag your favorite line of hallelujah” scans to Hallelujah.

…

you tried to read the words as prose but noticed how its scansion goes and now you can’t unhear the tune, so screw ya recall the phrase you love the most then once again reblog this post and tag your fav’rite line of hallelujah

okay that’s it I hate you all. like… fuckign done. i’ve hit the wall.

…I’m calling the Tumblr Cops to come subdue you

I hate the fact this fucking fits. I’m just about to call it quits. Now everything just sounds like hallelujah.

You pick a phrase, you pick a rhyme, repeat the sound another time, Five iambs, then an extra beat will do ya. Another rhyme, a rising note - congratulations, you just wrote Another goddamn verse to Hallelujah.