try not to get scared, scariest stories

ough ouhhhhh hold on gotta stretch Oughgg ..

had a bad low blood pressure moment last night and messily asked my partner for saltines and water before realizing i should probably ask for the Blood Pressure Medication I Need To Take. while they went to go grab it though i still had water and crackers so in a daze i took a swig of water but didnt swallow and then tried to cram 2 saltines in my mouth. full of water. in bed. with mouth full of water

Oh My God Damn

the author's barely disguised spy from team fortress 2

GAH! I'M A COMMIE PSYOP FROM THE THIRD WORLD! I'M GONNA GETCHA! I'M GONNA GETCHA!

the democrats made one crucial electoral mistake: instead of someone deeply tied to the unpopular incumbent administration, they should have run a young witch trying to find her neighbour's cat in the alps

genuinely no video on the internet mystifies me like this one

need a bi4bi t4t m/f pairing where the girl is a giant freak and not in the "cute manic pixie" way but in the "unethical experiments in my fucked up laboratory" way and the guy is a golden retriever who thinks he can fix her. and he brings her cute bento lunches and she's like "bradley shut up put on your fucking gloves and hold this possum down so i can graft these giant grasshopper legs to it"

your brain is unfathomably colossal

We all got that one vassal who's read a few too many warrior tales... Trying to get a little freaky with it on the down low... Won't shut up about his loyalty unto death... Saying shit like "my liege, I am your blade...." Bitch I sent you to guard my isolated holdings in the eastern provinces for a reason!!!!!!! #REBLOG!!!!!