Discworld x Tolkien crossover where Vimes arrests the One Ring for being an accessory to murder
Sam Vimes does simply walk into Mordor. He holds the One Ring and it can do nothing to him, because its tempting whispers are nothing compared to the constant running commentary of the Darkness. And anyway, he doesn’t have time for this, it’s almost 6 o’clock and he has to go home to Little Sam (because some things are important).
I also feel like I want a moment of Nobby Nobbs fightng the Nazgul at Amon Sul with a flame thrower…
No, I want Nobby fighting Nazgul by fighting dirty, getting them on the ground and kicking them in the dusty jewels. Nazgul are all about style. Nobby… not so much. Oh! And Cohen would have a field day in middle earth!
Oh my god yes Cohen would have a whale of a time. Also I said in my tags about Gimli meeting Cheery but what about meeting Carrot? Would Tolkien dwarves operate under the same meanings of dwarfishness as Disc dwarves or would he be baffled by this six foot human claiming to be one of his people?
SYBIL FINDING OUT ABOUT SMAUG
RINCEWIND HELPING GANDALF TAKE OUT SARUMAN WITH A HALF BRICK IN A SOCK. @simple-statement ALL OF THIS
GRANNY WEATHERWAX THOUGH. She would probably brake Sauron just by staring hm down through one of the Palantir
Granny Weatherwax Borrowing one of the great eagles, probably without realizing it’s sentient until too late. Getting hold of the Palantir that Saruman had and telling Sauron to stop that, no one thinks he’s clever, he needs to sit down and think about what he’s done.
Nanny Ogg in The Prancing Pony, teaching them the hedgehog song and having the time of her life.
Sam Vimes walking into Mordor and muttering “The hell with it” as he drops the One Ring into the fires.
Buggy inexplicably forming a friendship with the great eagles, they can fly so HIGH and he’s very excited!!
Reg Shoe being incredibly cross at the Nazgul because come on, you’re undead, have some dignity! Live for yourselves for once! Don’t you realize that you’re the only major undead representation?! Here, I made some pamphlets, educate yourselves.
GRANNY WEATHERWAX FINDING OUT ABOUT ELVES.
Reading the Discworld series after growing up in a Tolkien-heavy background (fave books our parents read to us), I can’t help but think Pratchett read them and found so much untapped potential. And, a healthy distrust of elves, might I add.
Oh, what about Granny and The White Council?
This is the best thing I have read all week.
reblogging mostly for nobby nobbs kicking the Witch-King of Angmar in the jewels cos you know he would
Okay. I know this is a jokey thread and we’re having fun, but there’s a bit of me … This feels a little unfair? To both canons?
There’s a tonal difference between Middle Earth and Discworld, absolutely. Middle Earth is heroic high fantasy, and Discworld is comedic fantasy. But. The tone of these posts is that, by virtue of comedy, Discworld would ‘win’ against Middle Earth? Vimes wouldn’t be tempted by the Ring. Nobby would total a Ringwraith. Rincewind would total Saruman. And I don’t think that’s true.
The tragedies of Middle Earth are not so shallow and simple that they can just be undone by a hint of comedy. And the characters of Discworld are not so shallow that they can’t be affected by tragedy.
Sam Vimes could carry the Ring, definitely, but not because he’s immune to manipulation, but because he has endured both the Gonne and the Guarding Dark, and they both nearly destroyed him, but he fought his way through both of them and emerged intact. Sam Vimes would not disdain Frodo as weak, because he’s fucking been there, he gets it. If Frodo talked to him at the end, and admitted his failures, and said they were only saved because of Samwise, Vimes would hand him a pint and say yeah, that’s why you have people, kid. Watchmen die alone.
Rincewind putting that brick in that sock, the first time, was comedic, yes, but it was also a terrified, absolutely powerless man scraping together a rudimentary weapon out of sheer bravado before he made the decision to attack an entire dimension of monsters so that a scared abused kid would have a chance to run. The only reason it worked and that he survived is that the Things from the Other Dimension turned out to have issues with physical, material violence. But it was, at the time, a genuinely heartwrenching decision to sacrifice himself to save a kid who’d almost destroyed the world. And, see, that might not work, against Saruman. Saruman is a wizard in the full of his power, with full control of magic in a way that Rincewind has simply never had, and while yes, maybe Rincewind could get the drop on him and club him unconscious, he would be fully risking his life against a superior foe to do so. And he might still do it, if pushed. Because that’s a decision Rincewind has already made. He’s a coward, and he’s powerless, but that doesn’t mean he won’t step up regardless. And that … that would fit right in, in Middle Earth.
Cheery Littlebottom might have a very comedic conversation with Gimli, definitely. But you know who she might have an entirely serious conversation with? Eowyn.
And the elves, to be fair, that’s because Tolkien and Terry Pratchett were talking about two different kinds of elves. Tolkien was talking about Norse elves, heroic fantasy, and Pratchett was talking about Celtic elves, ghosts and goblins and fairy tales. Granny Weatherwax is not going to sneer at Elrond, though she’s probably not going to be surprised by Feanor and the history of the Noldor either. She might get a little bit icy at Galadriel, but … Granny also has a lot of experience and trauma about having had to be the ‘good one’. Galadriel’s knowledge of her own weaknesses, acknowledgement of her own history, might well be something Granny would respect.
And yes, maybe Nobby would absolutely attempt to knee a ringwraith in the jewels. But what would the cost of that be? Everyone else who struck a ringwraith paid dearly for it. Remember Jingo, when Vimes was listening to the deaths of those alternate Watchmen via the Disorganiser?
There are two different genres in play here, for sure. But they’re both valuable genres, and neither of them is so weak that the other one would just overwrite it. Middle Earth can survive and embrace comedic moments without losing its inherent tragedy and scale. And Discworld can absolutely go toe to toe with horror and tragedy without ever losing its sense of self or ability to laugh at the absurdity present even in the worst moments.
