It’ll Be A Picnic
When they were 14, Steve Palchuk and Eli Pepperjack went into the woods of Arcadia to look for goblins. While out there, they ran into Jim Lake … and Bular.
Contains death and implied gore.
Steve was taking selfies the first time he saw a goblin. Since he was starting high school next week, his mom finally agreed he was old enough get a cellphone. He was messing with the camera in the backyard and saw something moving behind his back.
He turned around – which meant the thing wasn’t on camera anymore – and squinted. It was green, and climbing a tree, and looked more like a monkey than a raccoon. Steve switched the camera settings and got about three seconds of video before the weird creature was hidden in the leaves.
He watched for a while, but it didn’t come back out. Then his mom called him in for dinner.
Steve didn’t say anything to her about the green monkey. If he tried showing her the video, she’d probably think it was a camera filter he’d been playing with.
The first person he told was Eli Pepperjack. Pepperjack was some kind of conspiracy nut. If anyone was going to believe Steve wasn’t just messing with them, it was him.
Besides, Pepperjack was the one to approach Steve.
“Things in this town aren’t what they seem!” Pepperjack insisted, trying to pass out fliers to passing students in the hallway between classes. “Join the Arcadia Investigations Club and we’ll get to the bottom of this mystery! All the mysteries!”
“Don’t you need a teacher to sponsor a school club?” asked Jim Lake, who was trying to get around Pepperjack to reach his locker.
“Um … well, it’s not an official school club yet.” Pepperjack took a step back from Lake and bumped into Steve. “Hey! Want to uncover Arcadia’s hidden secrets?”
The flier had four blurry photos framing the club name. One of them might’ve been a flying saucer, or a dark out-of-focus cloud. The second was of some kind of animal tracks. The third, Steve couldn’t make out what it was supposed to be. The fourth showed a green blur leaping into a bush, one leg almost in-focus. It was the same shade of green as the monkey-thing.
Steve took the flier and found Pepperjack after school.
“I’ve seen one of these,” he said, pointing to the green picture. “In the woods behind my house.”
“Really?” Pepperjack’s eyes and smile widened.
“I got it on video.” He got out his phone. Pepperjack actually squealed, making Steve flinch at the sudden high-pitched noise, when the video played.
“I can’t believe you actually got it on camera! This is the clearest image of a creeper I’ve ever seen!”
“That’s what I’ve been calling them. Things that creep in the night! Arcadia is a hotbed of paranormal activity. Where exactly did you see this one?”
Eli came to Steve’s house after school. His mom was thrilled he’d ‘brought a friend for dinner’. They went out to the backyard and hopped the fence – well, Steve did; Eli needed help.
The creeper wasn’t hanging around, and it hadn’t left any footprints or claw marks that Steve could recognize, although Eli excitedly photographed some scratches on the trees.
They went deeper into the woods.
Steve was starting to think he should just leave Eli to it – the woods weren’t all that interesting if you weren’t already into nature and stuff – when something ran through the branches above their heads.
“After it!” Eli yelled, and went running. Of course Steve had to follow him now. If Eli fell and broke his leg or something, someone had to call an ambulance.
Did he even get service out here? Steve would check once Eli slowed down enough that Steve could actually stop and still keep Eli in sight. Getting lost in the woods would be bad enough. Being lost alone would be worse.
There were more things in the trees now. Steve could see them sometimes when they were on low enough branches. Fat, long-limbed, shockingly fast, all going in the same direction. One of them looked at him and hissed. Its eyes glowed red and yellow. Its big pointy ears made it look like some kind of mutant cat.
The trees thinned out a bit. Steve saw someone standing ahead. He grabbed Eli by the shoulder and yanked him back.
“Ssshh!” Steve pointed at the … person? The cat-monkey-creepers swarmed around them. The figure started passing stuff out, which the other creepers ate. Steve couldn’t see what exactly it was.
Eli shook Steve off and got closer, getting out his phone and shining a flashlight at the creeper picnic. The green things hissed and scattered. The big one whipped around, ears up, pupils slitted –
It was Lake. The face was different, but still sort of similar. The hair was about the same, discounting the horns sprouting out of it. The blue sweatshirt was the same.
“Oh, man, you just ruined the shot,” said Lake. “Tobes and I are doing a mockumentary on the Billycraggle. Hence the costume,” gesturing at his blue face and big stuck-on pink nose. “It took ages to train Nana’s cats for the … baby-billies scene.”
That made no sense. A bit more sense than supernatural creatures, but still.
“Wha – Steve? You’re here too? How many people are out here?” Lake squinted past him. Those creepy slit pupils widened a little. “Toby’s … in the trees somewhere. I kept looking into the camera so now I’m not supposed to know where he is exactly.”
There was an uncomfortable beat of silence while Steve and Eli waited for Domzalski to reveal himself and confirm Lake’s excuse.
“… Maybe he needed a bathroom break.” Lake shrugged. “He’ll be back. It’d be super awesome if you guys’d just … go … and pretend this didn’t happen.”
“If you’re doing a Billycraggle movie, I should be a consultant.” Eli pouted. “I’m an expert on everything that goes bump in the night.”
There was another awkward pause, and then the green things came swarming back.
Those were definitely not cats. They were laughing, and making a repeated low noise like a chant; “Boo-la … Boo-la …”
Lake’s ears went back – Steve refused to believe that was a costume, it was too twitchy, too alive – and he shivered.
And a monster came out of the woods.
It was big. It had yellow-red eyes like the green things. Steve could only tell because the eyes were glowing. Everything else was just a hulking shadow.
Could – could he outrun that thing? Through the woods, in the dark?
Eli turned his phone light on it. The monster growled. It was buff, with horns and tusks … and swords.
“Explain, Impure,” it snarled.
“Lord Bular …” Lake’s voice wavered. “I … I hope you’re hungry. I brought you something to eat.”
Steve made a run for it. Eli, behind him, also tried to run – the light from his phone shook wildly, flashing in all directions.
Wham! Steve tripped on the uneven ground. Something heavy pinned him. Behind him, Eli screamed. There was a wet crunch and the light went out. Steve struggled and started to cry.
“Please … please …” Steve blubbered. Eli wasn’t screaming anymore. Don’t kill me I won’t tell anyone I swear I’ll do anything just please – “Please!”
Lake, the stone monster pinning him, hauled Steve to his feet and offered him to the other, bigger stone monster.
Jim checked himself carefully for blood before going home.
He hadn’t known Bular would be close enough for the goblins to call over. He wasn’t sure there was anything different he could’ve done if he had. Maybe he could’ve stolen Steve and Eli’s phones and told them to run, and dealt with the fallout of being seen later.
If a human catches sight of Bular while you’re with him, say you lured the human there for him to eat. He won’t believe you but he’ll let it slide.
He didn’t know Eli or Steve that well. He would be able to plausibly claim ignorance if anyone questioned him after they were reported missing.
Thank the Pale Lady that it hadn’t been Toby or Barbara who’d followed Jim to the 'goblin picnic’.
I’m using the same Changeling!Jim model, for looks and personality, as I do in 'Becoming the Mask’. Those who read the main fic will notice it is set two years after this, and that Eli and Steve are still alive as minor characters. The events described above did not happen in that timeline, but they could have.
