heterosexual staring contest

ref below

and then they make out.

living together

quick dirkjohn doodle cuz why not

i think about these two sometimes

i cant draw them not touching each other idk

aaaaaaaand dirkjohns because there is something severely wrong with Me

Two depressed bitches bonding

Dirk gets the hot when dorks are being assholes to him.

Bonus, the prank wars began:

ive seen a few “dirkjohn but johns an asshole ghost who haunts dirk” but none of the reverse which is wild bc theres so much potential

imagine john moves into what used to be dirks old apartment bc its ridiculously cheap for some reason (hint: dirks dumb ass forgot he left a sword in the fridge. several swords. just an avalanche of fucking swords okay.)

its all on the up and up for john until he starts seein weird shit out of the corner of his eye, just quick motions he cant process

he chalks it up to rats or something and tries checking the vents for evidence of a pest problem, but all he finds is this creepy blue-eyed puppet with a big ass chain round its neck. he throws it out the window like a reasonable human being

“guess it was nothing!” he tells himself and maybe he believes it

dirk was tryin to do his ghastly biz before, but throwin cal out? that felt personal. he retrieves it and places it next to john when he sleeps. he tries to make his soft muppet-like hands flip john the bird but he cant figure out how to make it stick so he resolves to just hold him like that

so john wakes to a spectral shadow hovering over a nasty puppet flipping him off. at first hes screaming, then hes slinging the thing across the room while screaming, then he realuzes theres a ghost here and hes still screaming, and finally he realizes theres a fuckin ghost in his apartment and he goes silent

then he screams again and scrambles for a ouija board he keeps under the bed in case of ghosts

he busts that shit out and goes for the hard hitting questions straight away, “is ectoplasm real? can you slime me?”

dirk can only answer one way really, “F…u…c…k…y…e…s.”

john and dirk would make the best fucking roommates. between dirks puppet traps and johns love for pranks their house/apartment would be more booby trap than free space. john goes to get a glass of water in the middle of the night and gets buried under smuppets. dirk gets home from work one day and opens a (slightly ajar) door only to get soaked with a bucket of water. they get to keep each other on their toes with escalatingly incomprehensible pranks. the decor is a fucking nightmare. johns nic cage posters right next to dirks my little pony ones. fanciful harlequins on the same shelf as fancy santas. a grand piano filled with orange soda. dirk leaves his throwing stars in the fridge and john packs them into his lunch the next day. they sometimes strife together on the roof/in the backyard as a stress reliever. living together keeps their depression in check and as different as they are theyre both "hero types" (as dave puts it), and they keep each other entertained when there's not a world to save. karkat originally thought they might be secret kismesis, but is now 100% convinced theyre moirails.

(one day dave says he wants to come hang out and they frantically try to dismantle as many traps as they can (because they dont want to bring up any bad memories and theyre trying to look like normal/responsible gods of earth c). they get the traps out of the way but dave still has a heart attack when he opens the bathroom to find Niccolò Arroway Sebastian Segel, a kermit doll modded out with spare robot parts, johns fake arms, leaking blood pellets, a cod piece, a fedora, and a pipe. john and dirk had been fighting for months over whether Niccolò should be wearing shades or a beaglepuss until they both forgot he was there. dave goes back to therapy for a while after that.)

orang

DIRKJOHN guys i love them. so bad.

ectofiles part quatre, screencap remix from the x-files. this one is honestly my favorite. it STILL makes me laugh when i think about it. how embarrassing.

do i have a reason for why dirk is wearing a BNHA crop top over fishnet? no. do i need one? also no.

Another HS fic rec/review!

Yes, I have in fact read more than one fic in this fandom! Warning: this is long and detailed, really more of a review than a rec, although it is definitely intended as a rec. Still, if you’d rather not know very much in advance, maybe just go and read the fic now? Or read the first eight paragraphs of the review, and then stop.

Actually, you know what, I’ll put the readmore there.

the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart, by laurasauras

This is a post-Epilogues fic, it’s slash, and it’s kinky as hell. As such, it’s a bit of a surprise that it ended up one of my favourite fics in this fandom. (I’m almost exclusively a gen reader, and I haven’t even read the Epilogues, nor do I particularly want to.)

The basic setup is this: John’s come back to life on Dirk’s ship, after Dirk narrative-murdered him in the Epilogues. (Not having read the Epilogues, my idea of what happened there is somewhat vague; I hope I’m not too far off in my inference here.) It’s a year into the journey and everybody is bored to death already, or rather not to death, as everyone but Terezi is either a god or a robot or both.

Everybody’s also depressed, especially John.

This fic is many things: Moving. Disturbing. Funny. Romantic. Bleak. Heartbreaking. Weirdly hopeful. It’s probably also hot, but I’m not the best judge of that.

A big part of the appeal of the story lies in the peculiar composition of its emotional atmosphere. It’s the tedium of space travel, mixed with the melancholy of an immortality only just begun, and the incongruously innocent pursuits with which the ship’s passengers, including the self-declared villain of the piece, fill their all too ample time. Everybody’s getting along just slightly better than you’d expect, for a group where one of the four literally killed and/or kidnapped two of the others.

When John isn’t dissociating, mentally and also in the most literal sense, he joins in the odd social life of the ship: helping with joint arts and crafts projects like building an origami city, or live-reenacting the entirety of Shrek after watching the movies an unhealthy number of times.

It’s weirdly domestic; cozy in a Stockholm syndrome kind of way. Also, a reminder of the fact that these are, even if they’re technically all adults now, people who were subjected to a violent case of arrested development at age 13 or 15, respectively.

There is a kinship of sorts between them, perhaps born out of the fact that they have all had their lives shaped and violated by Narrative, and it’s stronger than grudges born of whatever they (mostly: one of them) have done to each other - though it doesn’t necessarily translate to a viable form of closeness. It’s a fascinating dynamic, deftly portrayed, and strangely moving

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DirkJohn Clownery for @thealien73!!!  Flat colors put in courtesy of @ectoprince

Y’all remember that Dirk John AU that I said I wanted to write…well it has taken a turn. Now it reads more like little windows into a budding relationship.

Here’s to childhood friends!

The first time John considers the idea of boys kissing boys he’s in the fourth grade. It is also the last time he plays hide and seek. 

“I think I’m too old for hide and seek,” Dirk pushes John’s face away with the hard plastic of the game controller. His older brother is supposed to be picking him up from the sleepover soon, but if the dog-shaped clock on the wall isn’t wrong, Dave is already half an hour late. 

John flinches and falls back into the bed. Dirk is willing to ignore him for Rainbow Road but John’s disappointed expression holds his attention. 

“You sound like Janey,” John mutters. “Everyone says they’re too old and I’m too little. But you’re only a year older! Stop treating me like I’m a baby!” John kicks his legs around and apologizes when he lands a hit on Dirk’s leg. 

Dirk watches John in silence for a moment. His sisters have pointed out that he should try to be less blunt since you catch more flies with honey, not that he’s entirely sure why he’s supposed to catch flies, or how he’s supposed to speak in honey. 

“You are a baby.”

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