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#filmmaking – @machetelanding on Tumblr
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Machete Landing

@machetelanding / machetelanding.tumblr.com

I post a bit of everything: nostalgia, movies, television, books, comic books, music, history, politics, America, and (lately) Anime tiddies.
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pre-9/11 depictions of terrorism in media are so funny to me. like, the action-movie 'terrorist' lineage of counter-strike is such a rich vein of hilarious imagery. these guys are generally completely disconnected from any political motives or even sources of funding and are seemingly just what happens when you get posessed by a balaclava

it's great. these guys are like a naturally occuring species endemic to the 1990s

every 20c. action movie where generic terrorists hijack a plane or a skyscraper or something so they can blow it up for the sake of terrorism is like a nature documentary to me. its their lifecycle

aside from being done for the purposes of goofy generic villains it's like. very emblematic of the whole 'end of history' era where it was kinda assumed the only conflict thereonout would be unmotivated malcontents causing chaos in paradise, which is also very funny. I propose this species be named Terroristi fukuyama.

The entire twist of Die Hard was that the bad guys weren't terrorists, they were thieves. They openly stated it.

The bad guys in Die Hard 2 were (essentially) a rogue military unit supporting the Contras, which is hardly generic. If anything, it's nakedly political.

The bad guys in Die Hard 3 were, again, thieves.

The closest to generic terrorists would probably be the bad guys in Die Hard 4, who were also thieves, but were also trying to demonstrate weaknesses in US cybersecurity.

We don't talk about Die Hard 5. But evil non-Communist Eastern Europeans is way closer to a generic adversary than terrorists (for instance, they're the bad guys in Air Force One, The Saint, The World Is Not Enough).

If you're trying to bullshit a point, at least use something obscure, not a movie that's been seen by every heterosexual man in America.

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All you need to know about modern writing is that there are people who think this is a keen insight, that Star Wars would be a better movie (and Leia a better character) if she went "Who cares about your pain, teenage war orphan? MYYYYY planet just blew up! Stop being such a baby!", and that most media is now aimed at pleasing those people.

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I think it's fair to say that by the finale, No Time To Die is a complete mess. To wit:

  1. It makes no sense why MI-6 would send two OO agents (one retired) to storm an enemy compound and not the Royal Marines.
  2. Safin has no plan.
  3. Bond's death is confusingly overwrought and silly. Is he really mortally wounded? Is he committing suicide because of the nanobots; he's not even going to try to find a workaround? Does he have no choice but to sacrifice himself? Why is it so important that the naval bombardment happens right now? They're the British Navy--they can't just seize these cargo ships full of bioweapons that everyone's so scared of?
  4. That one scientist declaring he hates black people and then getting killed in cold blood by a black government agent who yells "It's time to die!" is almost schizophrenically dumb--as we all know, civil rights don't apply to bad people--but, you know, pick your battles)

Here are my fixes.

  1. Bond and Nomi aren't the only attackers, they're just sneaking in to lower the defenses from the inside so the Royal Marines can get in and take on Safin's private army. They did this all the time back in the day--including in On Her Majesty's Secret Service, which NTTD hugely references--so I see no reason why Eon can't mount a large-scale battle sequence today.
  2. Safin's plan--as he, of course, explains to Bond--is that he blames pretty much the entire world for collaborating with and enabling Blofeld. Either by being outright under his influence, as is the case with the national leaders and wealthy who were part of Spectre--or by being even average citizens who tolerated corrupt governments and the One Percent. His plan was to demonstrate the efficiency of Hercules on Spectre and then kick off a biological arms race among world governments as everyone scrambles for either Hercules or a counter for Hercules. This will kill millions as Hercules is used, then retaliated against, ad nauseum. It's inevitable. Even now, Nomi is no doubt under orders from M to secure Hercules for further development by the British government. "The bigger picture," Bond mutters, remembering Le Chiffre telling him that he could get away with torturing and killing him.
  3. Bond realizes Safin is right--and kills him, natch--and decides he can't allow ANYONE to take possession of Hercules. It is simply too dangerous a weapon for even his own government to have. He sets the base to self-destruct and defends the control room from the Royal Marines who are now trying to take him out to stop the countdown. Would it be too cynical to give him a 'old versus young' showdown with Nomi? Personally, I think it'd be a better final fight than Bond taking on one tiny nerd, but what do I know? At any rate, M orders the Marines to pull out at the last minute and Bond is presumed killed in the blast, which irrevocably destroys Hercules and all knowledge of how to recreate it.
  4. M is, naturally, pissed about Bond's last act of defiance, but still toasts him and respectfully declares 'Well-played, 007.' We'll leave it ambiguous as to whether Bond actually died or if he survives to reunite with Madelaine, now having completely severed himself from MI-6.

Goddamn, that would have been awesome and closed out the Craig era with a bang instead of the whimper we got. I always loved when Bond would go up against the villain while a battle was being waged in the background.

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The MCU has a weirdly huge number of actors who could've been great as Victor von Doom, but instead they were used on minor one-off villains of no real importance.

And here I'd been thinking what a great choice Mads Mikkelsen would have been for Doctor Doom. I've seen Doctor Strange, and I don't even remember him being in the movie!

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There are some moderately serious issues with Alien: Romulus (we all like the seven-foot-tall Alien, but a Chestburster can't turn into one after ten minutes, it's not Ant-Man), but on the other hand, I've been so down on franchise films like Bond and Spider-Man for not willing to be "just another Spider-Man adventure" that I'm kinda grateful this is just a grounded movie about a handful of characters trying to survive the Alien.

There's no multiverse, it's largely the classic alien instead of a bunch of weird experiments with no rules, they don't even fight the Predator. There's a lack of pretense and a skill at making Just A Cheeseburger that reminds me of the Godzilla/Kong movies. Lizzard. Monke. Why overthink it?

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