To insanity and beyond!

You know as a buddie shipper, I am actually quite intrigued by this change, Chris leaving (altough I will miss him and Gavin if it ends up being them permanent or lengthy).

Because so far so much of Buck's and Eddie's relationship has basically been about them co-parenting. Maybe this change will kinda force them to look at each other in a new light and think "what are we now, to each other, when Chris isn't there". Kinda like parents when the children leave their nest. Well, currently at least Chris has indeed left the nest.

What happens now? How does their friendship and bond grow after this crossroads?

"Eddie sucks for traumatizing Chris" seems to be a somewhat common fandom reaction and yeah. That really frustrates me.

Like no. Kim is the one who sucks here.

Eddie is certainly many types of fucked up but it should be damn OBVIOUS that psychotherapy is something that trained, licenced professionals provide, and only if it's a consensual relationship.

What is super fucked up is to learn about someone's trauma, grief and vulnerability and your role in it,

then show up uninvited at their doorstep,

and totally ignore them trying to say that they don't consent to this bizarre, unprofessional version of therapy you just randomly decided to cook together without having any educated idea if this gamble pays off,

and just pester them until they crack and have a meltdown in front of you!!

Kim learned of Eddie's vulnerability and trauma and used it. She trampled all over it, played with it, because apparently she is deranged enough to think that being an actor makes her qualified to provide psychotherapy?!

Also, let's maybe remember that she has been dating Eddie and even if she was a professional, having an intimate personal relationship with your patient is a major fucking no-no.

And hey, mind I remind you guys, to provide psychotherapy, in pretty much any developed country, you first receive an university level education - this means years of studies - because it is a demanding job, and messing around with people's brains can just fuck them up more if you don't know what you're doing.

So yeah. It pisses me off that people are blaming Eddie for this clusterfuck because holy fuck. He is the victim here.

Eddie exposed a major vulnerability to Kim, and Kim, the person learning of this vulnerability, had zero respect for his trauma, for his pain, and actually used the power she must have realized she had over Eddie... To crush him to bits.

Uninvited, without his consent, in his own home, fully knowing that she might end up even meeting Eddie's son.

Yes, he invited her in. That is my point - her presence makes him vulnerable, confused. He wasn't thinking clearly.

And Kim knew this. 'You remind me of my dead wife' is a very weird, charged setting for a personal relationship, it obviously can lead to all sorts of issues and power positions.

And she saw that and thought "You know what, I'll just make him confront his pain and spiral in front of me. That seems like a good, not at all fucked up idea.

I know what I'm doing, clearly I'll be his ideal therapist. After all, I am not at all trained to provide therapy, and he is dating me, and I remind him of his dead wife. Yes, this will be great for him. No way is it a totally unnecessary gamble that could end up who knows how!"

Kdjdbbrjjr. I hate her. At best this is super vapid, impulsive thinking. At worst this is a downright malicious abuse of a realised authority over someone who is clearly vulnerable, struggling, and unable to think clearly.

Either way, this idea sucks and if it turns out to help Eddie, it's only due to LUCK because damn, this "therapy session" was like flying a fighter jet drunk into a storm.

I saw someone posting about not even being mad about Eddie's cheating storyline because Eddie isn't WELL, he is lost in his grief (would link the post but I lost it, thanks ADHD brain).

I totally agree. Eddie not only lost her, she also died very tragically, suddenly, right in front of his eyes.

People keep saying he should have already moved on from her...

I feel like this fandom doesn't get how overwhelming and destroying grief can be. It has no timeline.

I once knew someone who lost her husband like this, in an accident, out of the blue.

I was a child back then when I met this widow, and she was already an old lady, but what struck me about meeting her, really made me go "woah, I never knew how deep, and devastating, and long-lasting grief can be"..?

Was this:

The accident had taken place 20 years ago when I met her. I never even met her husband. Yet, despite it having been 20 years, she still would occasionally slip into talking about her husband in the present tense. Like she kept forgetting that he was dead. She wasn't crying, or unable to run her household, nothing like that.

She just kept slipping between talking about him in the past and present tense.

Like in her reality her husband had never really died.

At first I thought, what is this, is this memory loss, some symptom of disease? I looked at my parents, my mom met my eyes and just subtly shook her head at me, like "don't react, just ignore it, we'll talk later".

We did talk later. What I learned was...

This was nothing new. This widow I'd met, she had been like this from the very start. She just shattered, the moment she learned of her husband's death. Never was able to fully accept that her husband really was gone, and not coming back.

The news had simply broken something in her, it seemed like she kept slipping between two realities.

One where she realised and understood and accepted that her husband was gone.

And another reality, stuck in the past...

A daydream world built out of memories with no pain. A reality where he was just somewhere, for a little while, and about to return home any moment, unhurt.

Grief doesn't accept schedules. It breaks people. Some get up sooner, move on faster. Others need more time. And some... Never really find their feet again.

Eddie, losing Shannon, seeing her die?!

He knew her since they were teenagers, she was his first everything. She was his friend, crush, girlfriend, wife, the mother of his child. She died young, suddenly, and he even saw her die. That's seriously traumatizing.

No wonder he is still lost and broken. He hasn't even had time to process all of this really: being a dad, working full time. Those things have kept him busy. He just fakes having moved on.

As the show hinted...

All of her stuff is still in boxes. Untouched, unpacked.

I've seen some speculation about either Eddie or Chris maybe getting hurt, and Buck and Eddie having financial trouble. I'm combining these to create a wilder theory!

Buck would have financial trouble because living prices have gone up (it was on the news he was watching while he looked at some papers, possibly bills), and like Tommy hinted, his condo is impressive for his salary, and also now he's trashed a very nice hotel room SUITE with the help of Eddie, and some randos - who have since fucked off and are unlikely to be found again...!!!!

Like holy shit, did you guys see the end result, there was even some shit on the CEILING? Hotels fee for damage like this mercilessly because they cannot room people in that space while they clean and renovate. So it's not just about replacing damaged property, and sending the bill for the new stuff they had to buy!!

Nope, they lose money not only from the new furnishings and materials needed, labour needed to do the repairs...

-- but also for the hotel days needed to fix the mess, from needing to cancel someone else's stay and losing the money for each day of their stay, and also possibly compensating them for whatever costs (travels, the price of another room etc.) this unexpected last minute room cancelation triggered!!

I looked up the bill of a real "hangover party" like this, it was on the news. The bill, the money that hotel charged for this fine party of pigs was nearly 100K!! The pigs were SUED!

So looks like Buck is fucked, that bill will be insane.

And Eddie? He's basically a single dad of a child with health issues, also living on a firefighter's salary - in a fairly big, nice house! (He just kicked Marisol out, they would not share a wallet.)

He's also into BUYING VERY STUPID CARS for his income,

and took part in the demolition of that very expensive hotel suite, too, he will certainly be held responsible!

So they're both fucked, both running into financial trouble!

And the theory about either Eddie or Chris getting hurt, and the titles of the upcoming episodes; Ashes, ashes and All fall down: the theme being nursery rhymes - those two lines are from a famously creepy one...

What if the DIAZ house burns down? That could be BAD btw, Chris doesn't move very fast.

And when they survive (shut up, they will), they'll need a place to live!!

Well, Buck would open his home to them, wouldn't he, he loves them, he has that condo, he's partly responsible for their financial ruin, and could also benefit from sharing the living costs!!!

But Chris can't really use the stairs can he? And that's where the sleeping space is, upstairs.

So tadaaaaah, Chris sleeps downstairs, and Eddie and Buck will share the bed 😁 Because obvs they're the best platonic buds eva and Eddie totally doesn't panic about sleeping in the same bed with his best, bisexual male friend...

Yeah. The greatest fucking pine forest of all time has been planted 😇

Oh and Tommy...? How would he not be jealous, his boyfriend now lives like he has a damn husband, and a child. Even if Buck and Eddie don't share a bed, it would still be Eddie, Buck and Chris sharing a home, living in a tight space, like a family.

Btw this probably won't happen but please do write us this fic if you got inspired...

But nobody can say there hasn't been foreshadowing if this does happen!!

Buckley parents, the couch, the talk of stairs in 6x11.

https://youtu.be/KghkBnwidAk?feature=shared

Eddie dropping Chris at Buck's after the tsunami, directing him to the couch...?

Poor Chris though, sending Eddie out to the world to get a clue, only to realise his dad is dyslexic...

Argh. I'm in an emotional rollercoaster about this storyline in which Buck gets jealous when Eddie gets close to Tommy.

I mean, on one hand, it's hilarious that it's Tommy, Eddie's male friend, and not Marisol, Eddie's girlfriend, who ignites this jealousy in Buck.

Because doesn't it kinda hint that Buck has (maybe sub-consciously) internalized that Mr. "Imagine Jello with me" Diaz truly is so bad with women...

that any relationship he has with a woman can be happily ignored, as it clearly poses no threat to Eddie's and Buck's relationship.

...HOWEVER!!

On the other hand, the fact that it's Tommy, not Eddie's girlfriend, that sparks this jealousy... ?

It wrecks me because it also is pretty damn heart-breaking and sad if you look at it another way!!

Maybe this jealousy, sparked by a male friend, tells another story of Buck's thought progress.

Maybe it tells us a tale of Buck getting burned before, and learning from that, and then, to avoid further hurt, rethinking his role in Eddie's life, and clinging to what he thinks is safe and certain.

After all, there was a time when Buck, Eddie and Chris did so much together, all the time. They were close, Buck was absolutely parenting, Buck felt like he really belonged. They were a family.

And then all of a sudden, it was taken away from him!!

Imagine how deeply that would hurt.

This severed connection is btw, pretty heavily implied/canon, I think - we pretty much know, I'd argue, that when Eddie started dating Ana, there was a time when Buck did not get to see Chris much.

In the episode in which Ana and Chris visit Eddie at the firestation in 5x02...

Buck is overjoyed to see Chris, he gives him a really fierce hug, immediately asking Chris "How are you?"

I really get the impression that they haven't seen in a while.

It's supported by the way Eddie watches and grins like it's such a thrill for him, to see Buck and Chris meet - that's not really something he'd do if he saw them interact all the time, is it?

What Eddie says after he forgets to introduce Ana (too spellbound by Buck and Chris to remember her existence, basically) and has a panic attack - further supports this faltering connection.

Eddie runs off under the pretense of needing to put the salads Ana brought to the fridge.As he's making his escape, in panic, he mutters

"I don't want these things to wilt."

It's supposed to be an explanation - must save the salads from wilting! - but combined with the way he says that soon after he's just witnessed Buck and Chris meet, and the subtext telling us that it's been a while...

Eddie has just been reminded of how well the Diaz-Buckley family fits together,

and does not want those bonds to wilt - and he's realising that they have been, due to Ana pretty much taking over Buck's former parental duties. (And hey, then Eddie pretty promptly dumps Ana.)

But that doesn't erase or entirely fix what has already happened.

Buck has learned that he is replacable, that his status in the Diaz family is not guaranteed. He can be family one day, and then all of a sudden, shut out.

Learning that he's written in Eddie's will would not really cheer him up much, either. It's not security to know that he can be a parent, truly, without question - if Eddie is dead.

And then that talk he has with Eddie about a ready-made family. It really makes it clear that Buck is hurt. He tries to hide it, but it's so visible when Eddie talks becoming a ready-made family, and Eddie not knowing if he's ready for that.

Supposedly Eddie is talking about his ready-made family with Ana... But he's looking at Buck. He says "we became a ready-made family". And looks Buck in the eyes.

They aren't total idiots, they would have realised how much this whole unit of Chris+Eddie+Buck spending time together really imitates other families.

So there's no way that they don't realise that on some really repressed, strange level, this talk is about them, being a family.

Also, why would Buck look so hurt and sad, why would he look down, if he was fine with the way things have been? If Eddie was really talking about just Ana, and Buck had never felt like he was family, why would that talk about a ready-made family make him feel so uncomfortable?

Buck is hurt because he knows he was family, and he knows he was replaced, and then Eddie even kinda admits it.

And Eddie also implies that he's not ready for that.

That's really not an invite to get invested again. Nope, it's a life lesson for Buck:

Do not take these family interactions for granted. Who knows when Eddie is done with them, and you find yourself outside in the cold again!

So Buck deals with that by clinging to what is safe. What is secure. What he thinks he can have, and keep.

He decides that even if his role as a co-parent is uncertain, and may end up in the bin whenever... His role as a best friend? That's guaranteed.

So he does not feel threatened by Eddie's girlfriends. He understands now what space Eddie's partners may take in Eddie's and Christopher's life,

but that's fine because Buck can set up another spot for himself. It's maybe not ideal, not what he'd choose, but it's a spot nevertheless!

After all, Eddie finding another girlfriend, or even a wife, another co-parent... Does not remove Eddie's need for a best friend. Even married people crave friendships! So that role is available, that Buck can do, holding onto that won't get him burned!

He thinks.

And then this fucker Tommy steps into the picture, and Eddie bonds with him.

Buck gets nervous. What if he's wrong? What if even the friendship, the best friend status, is something that can be suddenly ripped away from him?

So Tommy is now competition, a threat, someone who could steal the one position by Eddie's side that Buck thought he had, for certain, for good.

Buck is worried. Jealous. Angry. Scared.

...

Anyway! See now, why this storyline is absolutely destroying me?!

You know what baffles me? The buddie shippers who were disappointed by the coma-buck-storyline because the coma dreams had no Eddie... I really, really don't really get why that disappointed buddie-shippers.

I think the coma dream was actually a freaking cornucopia for buddie shippers. I mean of course, it's always nice to get screentime with the characters you ship... but we did get to see Eddie's panic, his desperate demand that the medical team must do more than just their best, we saw him crying by Buck's bedside, his relieved joy when Buck woke up, we saw Buck and Eddie talk about their near death experiences and the adjustment to life after such an experience.

Also, I think the fact that there was no Eddie in that dream was actually HUGE for the buddie shippers. Because sometimes in storytelling what we don't get to see... tells the audience more than what we get to see.

In the coma dream Buck's subconscious basically deduced that Eddie would be absolutely miserable without Buck. 

Because if there was an alternative universe without Buck in it, Eddie would've drowned. Eddie would've had nobody to have his back. If Eddie hadn't met Buck - the guy who takes an interest, the guy who fixes things - Eddie would have never been introduced to Carla. Eddie would have struggled to balance the demands of his job and parenthood. Eddie would have lost the custody of Chris to his parents. That would have destroyed him.

Chris was looking for his dad in the dream because in that universe Chris really had no dad, because in that alternative universe, Eddie couldn't be in Christopher's life. He'd been declared an 'unfit' parent, and the custody battle had turned nasty. 

And also, Chris would have lost his dad, because in an universe without Buck, there would really be no Eddie.

Because an Eddie without Buck's support wouldn't be Eddie, the loving, supporting dad, someone who's loved by his family and the people around him. 

Hen and Chim called the alternative Eddie the 'angry guy' because without Buck he'd rapidly become someone totally else. He'd lost Chris. He'd become enstranged from his parents, he'd see the custody battle as a betrayal of trust. He'd become so lonely, bitter, angry, heartbroken that his workmates saw him as the 'angry guy' and steered clear of him, didn't make an effort to get to know him. Not an friend, just some angry guy.

So Eddie without Buck wouldn't be Eddie. He'd be miserable. He'd have lost everyone, he'd be too broken to get to know anyone. Eddie would have nothing.

Basically the coma!buck storyline highlighted how much Buck and Eddie have each other's backs: 

We see Buck getting struck by lighting, Eddie is there to save him. 

In the dream Daniel tells Buck that the next time he goes up a ladder, he should have someone to spot him. Buck is confused because he did have someone.

We see an alternative universe where Eddie doesn't have Buck... And in that world there is no sign of Eddie. He's lost. Christopher can't find him.

The universe without Buck... is also an universe without Eddie.

The episode reminds us of the day when Eddie and Buck met.

Eddie: "You can have my back anyday."

Buck: "Or you know... You can have mine."

And Ravi's comment about the ideal romantic partner.

"...Isn't that what we all want in a partner, knowing that they have our back?"