Lyme and Coconut

tumblr please stop telling me to wd40 a mouse

Poll: if your mom remarries when you’re 26 years old is that guy still your stepdad or is he just your mom’s husband.

The poll winner seems to be “depends on whether you like him” which is super valid.

Mine watches fox news so “mom’s husband” it is!

My family has a great way of distinguishing between a new spouse you like and new spouse you disdain!

Your mom/aunt/grandma/etc remarries and they are actually a cool person, you use their first name. So if you were to introduce them they would be: Aunt Jane and Bob.

If your mom/aunt/grandma/etc remarries and they are a fuckwad you introduce them as: this is Aunt Jane and her second husband. The implication being that they are very replaceable and that we’re all just waiting for her to wise up to the situation and serve you divorce papers, she did it once, she can do it again.

MAGNIFICENT

Alright, but what if my mom on her third marriage found a decent man, but my mother herself is shitty

"my stepdad's wife"

@sapphic-sargent your tags omg

You are doing God’s work

lindt is being sued in a class action in the united states because they are one of MANY brands of chocolate that tested high for heavy metals. and this is despite lindt claiming their chocolate is "expertly crafted with the finest ingredients". no recall was issued after the tests came out. lead and cadmium can fuck the body over BAD.

lindt's genius defense is that they are going to stop saying the whole thing about being expertly crafted with the finest ingredients, so nobody can complain about the heavy metals in their chocolate anymore! and that makes it okay. source: trust me bro

(now please drop the lawsuit thanks)

consumer reports test results of a bunch of different chocolate brands <- original report being referenced

even more chocolate brands that were tested for heavy metals

imagine this. you advertise yourself as "the coolest dude around". your whole persona is being "cool" and "chill". and then one day, you burn someone's house down on purpose. they inevitably sue the shit out of you. and your defense is that you will stop calling yourself "cool" or "chill" so nobody can reasonably expect that you will not set things on fire, because fire is hot, which is the opposite of cool and chill. and therefore everything is fine now and nobody can be mad at you anymore.

that is lindt's defense here.

Putting the term "male gaze" on top of the fridge until everyone remembers that it refers to a cinematographic trend and not the act of looking at things while being a man

scantily is basically the most classic way to be clad

This is iron clad erasure

when i was a kid we only had windows 95 and we had to sharpen the points of our mouse cursors with pocket knives to make them precise enough to click things reliably

Lol and also lmao

My favourite sentence in the article: “Those interested in acquiring Jones’ media company had submitted their final offers to federal court-appointed trustee Christopher Murray, who was tasked with picking a best bid, but not necessarily the highest.”

That suggests to me that Mr Murray had the option of choosing the funniest bid, and by gum he took it.

just overheard my wife spelling something on the phone and i shit you not saying the words “E as in Eeyore” i am on my hands and knees wailing screaming crying pleading and begging people to learn the NATO phonetic alphabet

like the reason this exists is because none of the words sound like each other, which means that even with a terrible signal both parties should be able to clearly understand the words being spelled

i am dead serious that i believe this should be taught in school

oh u can have this post i don’t want it

Gee, thanks mista! Oi Avent had a post to me own since and mum n pop died of influenza! I'll be certain to cherish it as if it were me little brutha who died from influenza also

Woss-all this then? You cheeky li’uhl buggah, wheh’d you get that post? Didn’t I tell you wha’ ‘appens to li’uhl boys that steal posts, hm? If your dear old mum knew she’d catch influenza with shame.

Oh no, Officer! I know ‘im, and ‘e’s a good lad; ‘e ‘elped me find daddy when I was lost in th market! I’m sure my father would be happy to let me pay for th’ post! Father is just around the corner getting influenza

'Ere offisah, dahn't truss that littuw giwl, orrite? She's the one wot stole foive bob from me larse week she did, when i was recovering in St. Urchin's 'Ome For Those With Influenza. And I sorer shewwin 'er ankles to some poor gent dahn the pub yesserday arfernoon while 'er ol' dad stole the poor bugger's influenza roight aht the man's pokkit. She's a baddun orrite. Fling 'er dahn the nick.

if i knew they were gonna make my post british i never would’ve gave it away

A 22 yr old in my org got drunk tuesday night and kinda shit on the fact that I'm running a community cleanup for our chapter. Said something along the lines of "i didn't join up to pick trash." Which really bothers me and it took me a while to figure out why. The whole point of the community cleanup is that we're returning to the neighborhoods where we knocked doors for A4 to help clean up their streets and provide material improvement for free in an effort to build inroads with those neighbors.

Like... if your socialism doesn't include picking uo trash, I'm guessing it also doesn't include doing the dishes, babysitting, or anything else that is important but not prestigious. Idk man, fuck off with that shit. You'll pick up trash and you'll like it until you understand why picking up trash isn't anyone's job but your own. I hate that attitude. If helping and doing activism was always fun and visible and impressive, everyone you know would already be doing it.

yurameshi replied to your post “rgr-pop replied to your post “I don’t mean to boast or anything, but…”

I gasped with greater intensity than I ever have in my life

dirt cake with dirt jar pictured in background

DUDE

Pineapple upside ground cake

Seasonal affective disorder havers how are we all coping

[ID: Two versions of the cat screaming at food bowl meme. The first has a clock showing 4pm and is captioned "WHY IS IT NIGHTTIME". The second has a November calendar and is captioned "WHY IS IT TEMPERATURES".]

I love how perfectly like clockwork this returns every November. Good morning northern hemisphere take your vitamin D

[Image description: the history subsection in the table of contents of the Wikipedia article on Florence, Oregon. Point 1.1 is labelled "Exploding whale", point 1.2 is labelled "Accidental ban on sex". End ID]

Cause and effect.

I love that every year fire departments are like "hey. maybe DON'T fry your turkeys?"

and across the nation, patriots rise up and shout "FUCK YOU" bc surely it'll be fine for THEM

and then start massive grease fires in their backyards

it is my most favorite thanksgiving tradition

for non-americans who have no idea what I'm talking about, a TON of fire departments and public health people will do annual presentation videos on how deep frying turkeys can go catastrophically bad

and every year, the american public goes "...anyway, where's my propane tank-"

"As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fry."

my other grounding technique is remembering that the earliest abolitionists & the earliest suffragists had no proof that the world would ever make possible what they fought for and indeed many of them did not live to see it come to pass. and yet they did not succumb to despair so it would be disrespectful to their memory to let it overtake me

(Source)

Alex Jones, the ultra-right-wing conspiracy-theorist, was forced to sell InfoWars in a bankruptcy lawsuit.