I still like tumblr

The tiny town you built yourself. Most people I followed have long left the platform.

I keep making all my spaces tumblr, then being surprised that I’m giving myself less spaces to publicly be open I have less spaces... to publicly be open. Incredible, right?

I have notes on my phone saved from cell phone to cell phone and lately when I can’t sleep I’ll just scroll around looking at mini shopping lists turning into... so many things I’ve written in the past are breaking my heart now. That’s it.

Every week some long forgotten memory comes up. I like to tell myself: this is early sobriety, your brain is slowly repairing. One week I remember that in middle school visible nipples were called THO - titty hard on. Yesterday while standing in line @ ikea with $60 worth of things I did not need (I came in for a toothbrush holder) I was rewarded with a quick slideshow of every person I’ve ever slapped while in a brown out. A highlight reel of destruction. Last week I remembered that once I shattered a glass in my sink while drunk and angrily washing dishes on my day off in 2013 and I sliced my hand and wrist open and i didn’t immediately go to the ER i looked at it and it wasn’t deep enough to kill me so i wrapped my hand up in paper towels and drove myself there. Breaking the glass wasn’t a new memory. It’s part of my 3 year glass related injury stretch, standing in my kitchen bleeding was new. I was walking into the 7/11 around the corner from my apartment, my hand stretched out to grab the door and I froze, like I froze in 2013 as if I could go back in time and????? 🎶You take the good, you take the bad,you take them both and there you have The facts of life, the facts of life🎶

I got sober or I’m getting sober or I haven’t had a drink in 235 days and it feels like it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done that I just keep doing everyday. So I keep wanting to talk abt it to more than just my sober community but then I freak people out because they’re not sober and talking abt your sobriety makes THEM question THEIR drinking and I just want to say “no? This is as usual 100% abt me”