The reason depression is literally the worst is not because of the soul-crushing sadness or the wanting to kill yourself or the self harm or all the violent and extreme emotions that come with dealing with this particular mental handicap. It’s the long and painful stretches of days of weeks of months where you’re not really depressed, but you kind of just exist. The time you spend sitting in bed aimlessly browsing the Internet instead of finishing that video game you thought was fun or going out with a friend to see a movie or getting up and doing your laundry. You exist, and it’s okay, but you’re not really sure why. You’re not doing anything productive when you have all the time in the world to be doing it. You feel like you’re missing out on life, but at the same time you feel that it doesn’t really matter. That’s the worst kind of depression.

sry but depression for me isn’t smudged mascara and crying into a boy’s chest and acting romantic and reckless, it’s honestly just staring at the wall and not showering for days and not going out with friends and feeling so fucking disconnected from everything that i can barely breathe. it’s not pretty. it doesn’t have to be pretty. fuck you for trying to make a mental illness aesthetically pleasing, like it’s something i should be proud of. 

my depression is just like “hey instead of making you sad we’re going to make you really lazy and unable to function so that people just get annoyed with you rather than feel bad for you”

SHOUT OUT TO EVERYONE WHO STILL TRIES TO GET BACK INTO THE SWING OF THINGS AFTER DEPRESSION HIT THEM HARD. THERE ISN’T ENOUGH RECOGNITION FOR THOSE PEOPLE WHO KNOW THAT THEY’RE GOING TO LOSE INTEREST AND MOTIVATION AGAIN BUT PUSH THEMSELVES TO DO STUFF ANYWAYS. YOU ARE FIGHTING A DAILY BATTLE WITH YOUR OWN THOUGHTS AND YOU’RE STILL COMING OUT ON TOP, YOU’RE ALL BRAVE AS FUCK

That side of depression

Why do people never talk about the part of depression when you just don’t want anything anymore? Everybody talks about when it hurts like hell, when you cry, when you cut, when you take drugs, when you break down. But no one ever talks about when you just lay down in your room, with a hole inside of you that you don’t know how to fill, and you don’t want to do anything even the things you usually like. So you just spend your day kinda waiting for it to end. And it’s horrible because you feel empty and guilty for that at the same time. 

There needs to be more awareness of this kind of depressed state. It’s often the kind that is mistaken for laziness. I call it “A” depression, and I know it personally. The symptoms are apathy and anhedonia: Apathy (lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern and anhedonia ( the inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable).

Depression isn’t always sadness

It’s also feeling numb at 3am but smiling and laughing with friends at 3pm

It’s also not being able to get out of bed even though you were fine the day before

It’s also not eating because you aren’t hungry or can’t be bothered, but also over eating because you’re bored and feel empty

It’s also loving too hard or not at all

Depression isn’t a constant feeling of sadness, depression can be hidden in happiness.

Your depression is valid even if people say it’s not just because you smile

this post hit me hard