the injury of finally knowing you

the twin calamities

devil [2664780] and angle [2664436]

this is real. I know because i was there

warmup 💪

comic | twitter | patreon

extra extra: kleptomaniac stole your girl

for those who have NOT seen "the one yaoi animation"

My previous reblog of this was so fucking funny cause I said this in the tags

with such utter conviction that this was some wild fan thing I'd stumbled across on the mid noughties internet and like

Nah dog they put this shit on television! It's in the actual episode!

So there are some perks to living in a tourist destination. There are a lot of detractors mostly that you cannot shoot the tourists because you rely on them for your income but you have a semi captive audience with no context for any of the bullshit you spew. You can tell these people anything and they will believe you, the trusted friendly local. Now this is a very much Spider-Man situation where Great Power begets Great Audacity and even worse Responsibility.

My buddy goes on a run and when hes done there is a bar near a creek. So he wades into the creek because the day is hot and the water is cold.

Tourists ask what hes up to, with his running stuff he didn't want wet piled on the shore and him very obviously cooling off in the water. He says he's fishing.

But now here is why I am telling you this story. The universe occasionally aligns in such a way that we get to really really fuck with people and their perception of said universe. The opportunities do not come often and when they come you must seize the day. This is what my buddy did.

So this Creek runs through town and as a result of the highway and neighborhoods and culverts and roads it does not have a great salmon run. It's a short Creek the headwaters are only a few miles from the ocean it never had a great salmon run to begin with. But there are salmon.

One such fish brushes past my buddy's leg. Immediately he knees the fish like he is juggling a soccer ball and pops it out of the water, then slaps it out of the air on to the shore.

This is dumb luck. He could not do this again if he spent years training. Noodling (catching fish with your hands) is a thing that is legal to do with salmon but it is so much harder than literally every other way to catch salmon, including grabbing them with a garbage can. What he just managed is the kind of thing that should make you want to grab the fish and swing it around your head like a stripper with her panties off.

But,

He has an audience.

This is the opportunity offered by the universe.

He plays it cool.

He puts on dead pan straight face on and wades up to shore to grab his fish and nod to the tourists. Someone asks something and he assures them this is the standard way to get a quick dinner here. The tour guide has caught up with his group. He looks at my buddy and his fish and the general lack of fishing accoutrement. Without missing a beat, the guide backs up every ounce of bullshit out of my buddys mouth because if there is one true fraternity it is locals bullshitting stupid tourists.

10 years later. Fic

why is there a scene like this in every John wick

it’s been said before but the fact this site used to let you edit other people’s posts is beyond unhinged. the potential for slander was next level, you really could just edit the body of posts that weren’t even your own and it’d look like the OP said it. just casually spread misinformation via reblog, the original post being lost to time. john green cock monologue. sayonara you weeaboo shits. they gave us way too much power. can you imagine if a website let you do that today? people would lose their fucking minds. sure, on twitter you can impersonate anybody, but you have to make your own tweets. they would never let you edit other people’s tweets! that’s stupid! it’s literally the worst feature any social media site could ever have! if it ever happened somewhere else, it would be by accident and fixed immediately! but on old school tumblr? yeah, you could edit someone’s childhood fear from vampires to danny devito, and we all just had to live like that for years. INSANE.

@babytrain I AM PUTTING YOU ON BLAST???!!! MISS MA'AM DO YOU KNOW HOW ICONIC YOU ARE????

usb drives you find lying on the ground are modern day cursed amulets

just over a decade ago, i was a student at a big state university and i worked at a computer lab on campus. and people would leave flash drives there every fuckin day we're talkin like dozens of flash drives a week. and what's really wild to me is that they generally would NEVER come back and ask for their flash drive. like, maybe 1 in a 100 came to the desk and asked for their flash drive back so we'd just have boxes and boxes of flash drives. hundreds of them. and let me tell you, people would leave all sorts of crazy shit on those (it was my job to check). mostly homework of course but also, like, entire music and movie collections, games, personal photos, extremely personal photos, and, like, tax documents. do u know how many times i found a flash drive with someone's complete tax return and academic record on it? with like their social security number and everything? it's a good thing i'm not into identity theft because working there was easy mode. anyway about once a month i'd wipe all the drives less than 256MB in size, load em up with furry porn, and leave them around parties like easter eggs

artists rendition of my first day of college

Up Next: Incompetent American Kleptocrat Struggles With The Concept of European Workers Having Rights

As an American, get his ass Europe

holy fucking shit went to uniqlo today and you will NOT believe what they are selling .

THIS IS CRAZY

i crocheted this giant mob psycho sweater and my spine is obliterated woohoo

ig: bornagainbenji

hello, i finally prepared an international jjba fan merch sale for those of you who are interested! all of the information you need to know is on the form but i’ll list a few important notes on this post as well.

FORM: bit.ly/3flUUyY

(reblogs appreciated 🥹🫶)

attention to all dashcon attendees

someone urinated into the ballpit while it was empty and posted it in the tag

stay out of the ballpit

there are people who think this is a joke

this is not a joke

please stay out of the ballpit for the safety of your health

Ancient scribes detailing horrible events