I understand people’s discomfort with small talk—or at least with what they think small talk entails—but few things in the world are as awkward as a stranger demanding to “skip the small talk; tell me something deep”.
Small talk basically just means anything that 1.) isn’t a potentially sensitive and controversial topic that risks souring an interaction right off the bat and which 2.) both participants are likely to be able to comprehend and relate to for mutual discussion.
It’s often awkward either because interaction of any kind isn’t desired in the first place, or because the proposed subjects aren’t equally relevant or neutral to both parties.
The “goals” of small talk are situational but include:
- figuring out if you have any shared interests or compatible personalities
- creating opportunities for deeper and more compelling subjects to come up organically
- just having something to talk about to pass the time without other entertainment, like on a plane ride
If someone sits down next to me and demands that I “skip the small talk and discuss something deep”, I’m going to feel as though I’m being asked to perform for their amusement and prove myself worthy of their attention. I don’t want to make myself vulnerable and open to judgement for the benefit of a stranger who has not demonstrated respect any respect for my comfort.
Small talk, at least, allows two people to kind of size each other up to see if they’ll get along. Jumping straight into loaded subjects without preamble runs the risk of triggering or offending someone or getting yelled at by stranger you might be trapped with for the length of a bus or plane ride (or, worst of all, the duration of your employment).
It’s why there’s a cliche that dogs and babies are a dating hack for bachelors: they serve as appealing and inoffensive conversation starters in a way that approaching women on the street and asking them about Nietzsche or speculative biology on xenoplanets rarely does.