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#that black life – @lookatthewords on Tumblr
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The Friendly Black Hottie.

@lookatthewords / lookatthewords.tumblr.com

Hey. I’m Colette. The ripe old age of 20-something. I write stuff and things. WritingWithColor is my diverse writing advice blog. I'm all about PoC, particularly Black + Woman of Color Issues, Writing, Diverse Beauty, Art, Self-Love, and funny ish.
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ecstasymodels

53 Painful, Horrible Hair Experiences That Are Way Too Real For Black Women

1. Waking up to the horror of your headscarf having slipped off in the middle of the night.

2. Trying to sleep with a fresh head of braids.

3. Or trying to tie your hair up within the first week of getting your braids done and wincing in agony.

4. Feeling a strange amount of anxiety every time you have to book a hair appointment, even though you’ve been booking hair appointments for several years.

5. Relentlessly scratching your scalp all week and then realising your mistake as soon as you get your hair relaxed.

6. Going to the toilet half way through getting your extensions done and finding hair in the most random crevices of your body.

7. Being given the painstaking task of having to pass your stylist the hair.

8. Being convinced to get a trim you definitely don’t want.

9. And then having your trust betrayed when your stylist takes three inches off and gives you a CUT instead.

10. Never being quite sure if the prices in your salon are set or entirely made up every time.

11. Being forced to cancel a plan because your stylist can only do your hair on Saturday at 11am.

12. Fake scratching the back of your hair to check the kind of progress you’re making.

13. And touching the little tuft of hair at the top of your head after six long hours and thinking you only have two braids left when you actually have 20.

14. Forgetting to bring enough food to the salon and having to mask the sound of your stomach rumbling.

15. Or eating all of your provisions in the first two hours and realising you’ve been a fool.

16. Having your phone die halfway through your hair appointment.

17. When your stylist takes a break from your head every 15 minutes to have a conversation with their mate.

18. Or to chat on the phone.

19. Or to tend to their kids.

20. Or to do all three, while eating a plate of food.

21. Being told to come to the salon at 1pm and seeing two people in front of you when you arrive.

22. Being told to come to the salon at 9am and they haven’t even opened the shop yet.

23. Feeling the heat catch the oil on your scalp as your hair’s being straightened.

24. Having your weave so tight that you can’t put your eyebrows down.

25. Breaking the hairdryer pick when your hair’s only half dry.

26. Snapping a comb in half while tending to the thickest part of your head.

27. Having your wig slip back a little too far and only realising several hours into the day when you check the mirror in the toilet.

28. Or wearing your wig on a particularly windy day and praying that it doesn’t get swept off your head.

29. Feeling the ache in your muscles and actually sweating while detangling your hair.

30. Procrastinating on washing your hair and then having to start the process of washing, deep conditioning, and detangling your hair at 10pm.

31. Feeling very dubious about your new stylist and asking them a trillion questions to make sure they don’t mess up your hair.

32. Or realising they’re not quite doing your hair the way you want, but being too scared to say anything.

33. Having to do the duck and dive when someone tries to touch your hair.

34. Being asked if you cut your hair or “grew it” when you go into work with a new hairstyle.

35. Being asked if that’s your “real hair” and having to stop yourself from screaming “I BOUGHT IT, SO HELL YEAH IT’S MINE.”

36. Coming out of the salon when it’s raining and having to put a plastic bag over your head because you have no umbrella.

37. Hearing the words “hold your ear” just before the hot comb narrowly misses burning it off.

38. Trying to scratch underneath your weave discreetly with a pencil or pen.

39. Or accidentally slapping your head so hard to itch your scalp that you almost knock yourself out in the process.

40. Watching shrinkage claim the length of your hair as soon as you wash it.

41. Being asked to have a sleepover on a whim and refusing because you don’t have your headscarf.

42. Sitting under the dryer for so long that you forget what life was like before you basically lived under it.

43. And when the dryer finally cuts off, but your hairdresser tells you “ten more minutes”.

44. When you have to wash your hair in the kitchen sink and feel like your neck is gonna fall off at any minute.

45. Having extra long weave or braids and getting it caught in every zip, door or piece of velcro you come into contact with.

46. Using more ingredients to wash your hair than you do when cooking yourself an actual meal.

47. Struggling to fit a hat over your afro and wondering why you bothered trying in the first place.

48. Falling asleep without your headscarf and waking up out of your sleep to put it on.

49. Watching someone who came to the salon after you leave before you.

50. Having to reject plans on wash day.

51. Having to reject plans on “taking out my braids” day.

52. Having to reject plans when you’ve already put your satin bonnet on.

53. Showing your stylist a picture of what you want and having them completely ignore you to do their own thing.

That’s 53 reasons why i hate when white people are trying to copy our natural hairstyles or the hairstyles that have been invented by back people to cope with their hair. They’re doing this without thinking that they’re doing something wrong and pretend like they are so fresh and stylish giving no f**ks about cultural appropriation. If you still don’t think cultural appropriation is wrong re read 53 points above.

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#RELATES#that black life#black women#black hair#childhood#memories#gawshh
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Black Boys Have an Easier Time Fitting In at Suburban Schools Than Black Girls
www.theatlantic.com

High Level:

Minority young men are considered by their white peers to be cool and tough; minority young women, on the other hand, are stereotyped as “ghetto” and “loud.”

Key Excerpt:

But recent research published in the American Sociological Association’sSociology of Educationjournal shows that my gender (male) was one of the determinative factors in the relative ease of my social integration. Inan articlepublished last year, Megan M. Holland, a professor at the University of Buffalo and a recent Harvard Ph.D., studied the social impact of a desegregation program on the minority students who were being bussed to a predominantly white high school in suburban Boston. She found that minority boys, because of stereotypes about their supposed athleticism and “coolness,” fit in better than minority girls because the school gave the boys better opportunities to interact with white students. Minority boys participated in sports and non-academic activities at much higher rates. Over the course of her study, she concluded that structural factors in the school as well as racial narratives about minority males resulted in increased social rewards for the boys, while those same factors contributed to the isolation of girls in the diversity program.
Another study looked at a similar program, called Diversify. Conducted by Simone Ispa-Landa at Northwestern University,it showedhow gender politics and gender performance impacted the way the minority students were seen at the school. The study shows that “as a group, the Diversify boys were welcomed in suburban social cliques, even as they were constrained to enacting race and gender in narrow ways.” Diversify girls, on the other hand, “were stereotyped as ‘ghetto’ and ‘loud’”—behavior that, when exhibited by the boys in the program, was socially rewarded. Another finding from her study was that because of the gender dynamics present at the school—the need to conform to prevalent male dominance in the school—“neither the white suburban boys nor the black Diversify boys were interested in dating” the minority girls. The girls reported being seen by boys at their schools as “aggressive” and not having the “Barbie doll” look. The boys felt that dating the white girls was “easier” because they “can’t handle the black girls.”  
The black boys in Ispa-Landa’s study found themselves in peculiar situations in which they would play into stereotypes of black males as being cool or athletic by seeming “street-smart.” At the same time, though, they would work to subvert those racial expectations by code-switching both their speech and mannerisms to put their white classmates at ease. Many of the boys reported feeling safer and freer at the suburban school, as they would not be considered “tough” at their own schools. It was only in the context of the suburban school that their blackness conferred social power. In order to maintain that social dominance, the boys engaged in racial performance, getting into show fights with each other to appear tough and using rough, street language around their friends.
In the case of the girls, the urban signifiers that gave the boys so much social acceptance, were held against them. While the boys could wear hip-hop clothing, the girls were seen as “ghetto” for doing the same. While the boys could display a certain amount of aggression, the girls felt they were penalized for doing so. Ispa-Landa, in an interview, expressed surprise at “how much of a consensus there was among the girls about their place in the school.” She also found that overall, the girls who participated in diversity programs paid a social cost because they “failed to embody characteristics of femininity” that would have valorized them in the school hierarchy. They also felt excluded from the sports and activities that gave girls in those high schools a higher social status, such as cheerleading and Model U.N., because most activities ended too late for the parents of minority girls. Holland notes that minority parents were much more protective of the girls; they expressed no worries about the boys staying late, or over at friend’s houses.  
Once minority women leave high school and college, they are shown to continue to struggle with social integration, even as they achieve higher educational outcomes and, in certain locales, higher incomes than minority men. Though, as presaged by high-school sexual politics, they were stillthree times less likelythan black men to marry outside of their race.

This is exactly why discussions about intersectionality are so incredibly important, and I can also attest to this personally. My little sister (1 grade below me) and I attended the same 90% white elementary school. I was, at first, the only black boy in my class and she was the only black girl (and black person period) in her class. Despite being shy and bookish at the time, I still benefited from being tokenized as a black male in my class. My sister, who was much more strong-minded and outspoken than I was, was summarily tortured by her classmates (white girls especially) and her teachers for years. Eventually it was so bad that she was forced to transfer out, even as I continued on at the school without many problems. 

The year after she transferred out, another black boy transferred into my class. This boy was athletic and his manner of speech, mannerisms, etc. instantly endeared him to all of the white people in the class. He performed blackness in a way that our white peers wanted to see, and he was immediately one of the most popular kids in the class.

There is a performance of blackness that occurs before white audiences, and this is a performance that black males can benefit from socially in white spaces even as black women get criticized and demonized (including, paradoxically, by black men!!!) for the same behavior. Great article, click through the link for the full piece by ABOUBACAR NDIAYE.

TRUUUUUU

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karnythia

Heh, I could do a whole dissertation on my time at Downers Grove North High School and how it was worse for me when I realized that the Black boys benefited socially from being shitty to me. It’s where I first started unpacking how race & gender intertwine to dictate certain things & figured out that the suburbs are often really terrible for kids of color. It’s why I raised my boys in the city. 

#Hello and welcome to my years in white burbia as a Black girl#popular black boys#demeaned black girls#racism#misogynoir#stereotypes#that black life#black women issues
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