born to lose | live to win

Bad Football Valentine's Cards | Arsenal F.C. - Part I

WHAT DRACO WHAT

…hi.  HUEHUEHUEHEU

@wetwasteofagirl

i’m tired of “how to help a partner with [x mental illness]” guides that assume that the other partner has no issues of any kind; i want more discussion of how to balance the differing mental health needs of multiple people in a relationship

So my partner and I have been together almost two years, and we both suffer from anxiety, BPD, and a handful of other mental illnesses, and here’s some things that help us out immensely.

communication is key. Tell your partner if you’re having a bad day. Listen when your partner says they’re having a bad day. It’s easier to be careful with someone when you know they’re already having a bad day. I can’t stress this enough - communication is always important in relationships; but it’s doubly so when one or both of you has a mental illness. You have to trust your partner to be able to be honest with you about what they’re feeling and how their illness is affecting them, and you need to be honest with them, too. ask questions. If your partner is struggling, asking them questions to help you understand how to help them can be good. Remember that ‘I don’t know’ is a valid answer, and it is one that you can also give. be reminders for each other. It can be super hard to remember to do simple things for yourself; it can be easier to remember to remind your partner to do them. My partner reminds me about medication, food, etc., and I do the same for him - it helps a lot. use safewords. And I don’t mean in the kinky sense. My partner and I have a series of words that mean different things, because sometimes it can be hard to say ‘I’m swinging’ or ‘I’m having a panic attack’ or ‘this subject is upsetting me for x y z’ reason. It’s easier to say one syllable - ‘swing’ for rapidly cycling emotions, ‘count’ for panic attacks (so one of us can count breaths for the other). We have words that mean ‘drop this subject now’ and words that mean ‘please don’t touch me’. We also have hand signals for days when one or both of us are nonverbal, and we revert to texting on those days. be willing to give each other space.  But don’t necessarily go far. If you need your space, tell your partner; if your partner needs their space, make sure they can still access you.  acknowledge each other’s illness. Don’t pretend it isn’t there. Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away. Acknowledge that they’re there, acknowledge that sometimes they may come in conflict with each other, and learn how to take a step back when it becomes a problem. call each other out. If your partner is repeatedly doing things that are detrimental to themselves/your relationship/you, call them on it. Don’t do it in an asshole way - just sit down with them and be like ‘hey, you’ve been doing this thing that is really sucky lately, and it needs to stop.’ Likewise, listen when you’re being called out. It’s really easy to get stuck in shitty loops when your brain is sick, and sometimes you don’t know what you’re doing ‘til someone points it out. This hurts! And it sucks! But it’s part of acknowledging your illnesses. It doesn’t do any good to let bad habits continue, even if there’s a reason they’re happening. learn to forgive. When you’ve both got brain issues going on, it’s inevitable that people are going to say things they don’t mean, and that is going to hurt. The important thing is being able to recognize when you’ve messed up and apologize sincerely, and accept it when your partner apologizes. These are just some things that work for us. Add to the list if you can and I hope this helps.

Coppelius by Jenny Via Flickr: Schlosshof Festival 2014

wetwasteofagirl

lol there are soulmates and then there are saltmates where u and another person have an unbreakable bond by being salty abt the same things 

Skepchick | Food is for White Liberals What Sex Is For The Religious Right (via brutereason)

Daniell Koepke (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

Sometimes you need to remind yourself that you were the one who carried you through the heartache. You are the one who sits with the cold body on the shower floor, and picks it up. You are the one who feeds it, who clothes it, who tucks it into bed, and you should be proud of that. Having the strength to take care of yourself when everyone around you is trying to bleed you dry, that is the strongest thing in the universe.

the more I think about it, the more I realize Cersei is a textbook example of the abuse victim becoming the abuser. we hear about that a lot in statistics - but we don’t really see it in media, particularly women. we’ll hear about oh that guy is a bully because his dad beat him, but rarely do we see women who come out of abusive relationships or childhoods with that same streak of rage and sociopathy. i think that might be a pretty big part of why a lot of people dislike/are uncomfortable with Cersei. It’s hard to reconcile her victimhood (as the wife Robert Baratheon abused, as the daughter Tywin ruthless mistreated, a mother who has seen her son murdered in front of her eyes at the supposed hands of her own brother) with her rage and cruelty. Sansa gets a lot of hate, too, but I think for a lot of people she’s a victim they can sympathize with much easier than they can Cersei.

The takeaway of this article is…is what? English class just ain’t what it used to be? Kids can’t read good no more? Kids should still read the classics? What? 

Because I think the issue here presents a really complex question beyond whether students are now reading below they level they “should” be. A few general thoughts:

(1) The assignment of classics back in the day. Let’s face it. For a lot of students, reading classics is the equivalent of attending Catholic mass. You go through the motions but you don’t feel a whole lot and you’re certainly keen to stop the whole affair as soon as your out of your parents house. Which is to say that I don’t think “back in the day” students weren’t particularly inspired to read by reading said classics. Understandably, too, since the manner of speak in those books can be unnecessarily dense, unrelatable—in short—a chore.  If the primary way students are being exposed to books is through school and that’s what they’re being handed, then that’s what they think reading is. Tedious. I do think the primary way to be a competent writer (not even a novelist, but just, yanno, a real life human being who can communicate in a professional and personal setting competently) is by reading. Writing well, speaking well, etc. needs to come intuitively, not because you remember a bunch of grammar rules. Same with spelling. The best way to become a better speaker/writer/communicator is to read. No question. And to that end, I don’t think it matters what. So if reading more accessible books convinces students to read MORE even though the complexity of what they’re reading may have dropped, then I think there is at least some justification there. 

2.) But they’re not reading the classics, What are classics? They are books that have proved timeless…you guessed it…over time. Time is the key ingredient here. There may be plenty of classic-worthy material out there in the young adult and middle grade categories that may becomes classics. We just don’t know yet. But is it inconceivable that Hunger Games becomes the next Lord of the Flies? I don’t think so. Could John Green be a voice of our generation? Yes, I would suspect so. Popular is not synonymous with without merit. We’re not all hipsters here. 

  3.) Changing aesthetics. And look, the literature aesthetic is changing evidence, at least in part, by the fact that literary authors are dipping their toes into genre fiction. In the past, classics were meandering and often didactic (I’m generalizing). Density and and a fictive marshland of ponderings on the meaning of life are no longer seen as marks of greatness. They’re seen as poor editing. Writers should be able to convey message while at the same time having each scene move the story forward. Pacing is king whether it be in movies, TV, or books. You can say that’s a response to our societal ADD, but I think that would be discounting the difficulty in creating a story judiciously told.  That said, I do think we’ve probably become a bit too merciless in the pursuit of breakneck pace and we lose desirable texture on the cutting room floor.

  4.) The YA/MG Renaissance.  The number of choices in the young adult and middle grade categories has exploded. There’s a veritable quantum ton of new literature in these age groups that is now written specifically for the age group, and yet, these books can pack tremendous punch in terms of message. Teachers don’t have to reach for the adult book that happens to feature young protagonists anymore because they have a zillion options of literature aimed at the age group they’re teaching. 

5.) But we had to read the classics. True. And I won’t deny that it’s a good mental exercise to have to read those books, Trust me, I realize they are classics for a reason. But perhaps more importantly is the fact that these books, these classics, are part of our society’s collective conscience, a society in which our students will soon enter.  

Reblogging for commentary. The article is basically another brief little ditty lamenting the fact that “millennials” aren’t reading SERIOUS DENSE LITERATURE anymore. So I have a few additions.

1) The “reading level” of literature is inherently a pretty bogus way to determine the legitimacy, value, and complexity of a book. The article itself admits books such as Animal Farm and To Kill A Mockingbird are not exceptionally high on the “reading level” scale. Reading level is about the readability and comprehension of a work, which is often based on vocabulary used, word length, and sentence length. Which… means basically nothing because I’m pretty sure some overworked fanfiction written with liberal use of a thesaurus would have a high “reading level.”

2) Basically I’m saying that this scale is pretty out of date and doesn’t apply very well to modern styles of writing which tend to be a little tighter and less dense, so OF COURSE more recent novels don’t have a high “reading level.” Unless there’s a new scale for determining it that I’m unaware of? Please correct me if there is.

3) If I never had to read another article whining about how lazy and stupid and refusing-to-move-out-and-grow-up millennials are, that would be SUPER. Because it’s bullshit, guys. Absolute bullshit perpetrated by every generation of everyone ever because their generation was better and the present generation is lazy and stupid and refuses to grow up. Wait 30 years and the millennials will be whining about the new gen.

4) This couldn’t have anything to do with reduced school budgets, the pressure on schools to pass students through, focus on beating the standardized testing game, or teachers being stretched too thin, could it? Naaaaaah. LAZINESS!

5) I loved English when I was in school, but there were still units I hate hate hated because they were dry and boring as shit. Know what really got me invested? Being able to choose my own books for my finals. Our generation doesn’t read analytically anymore? HAVE YOU SEEN THE LENGTHY AND BRILLIANT TUMBLR BREAKDOWNS TEENAGERS DO OF POPULAR MEDIA FOR FUN?

6) I’m rolling my eyes at students being assigned The Help, too, but it’s important to let young people read stuff that they can get excited about. THAT is what creates a foundation for loving literature. Not shoving Proust down their throat and going YOU WILL LOVE THIS BECAUSE IT IS ~GREAT LITERATURE~, EVERYONE SAYS SO.

7) Who outside of academia or people with a particular love of reading continue to read novels with a “high reading level” outside of school? Because I know a whooooooole lot of OLD ADULT PEOPLE who read maybe two books a year, and those books are Fifty Shades of Grey and some pulp action thriller thing.

8) This is my infinite eyerolls face.

9) Okay I’m done.

Young People Don’t Want to Read Your Boring, Age-Appropriate Books

Yes. Yesyesyes.

#7 FTW. There’s a reason why the “Romance” section of bookstore is so huge, and it’s not because of dem upstart younguns.

Honestly, this is probably the best post I've ever seen go by on tumblr.