Relationship advice from your opportunistic Bat-friend.

Clak: I… I would find it sexy (?)… Why? Is something wrong with me?!

Bruce smiling: Interesting

Clak: You're not helping Bruce 'XO!

Ghost king au where Danny and Tim are married. Problem? Tim doesn't know it.

How did this happen? Oaiji board session gone horribly wrong? Did his parents sell him as a bride (even jokingly) to the ghost king? Did Tim buy some wierd antique jewelry and put it on for a disguise? Who knows!

Danny sees no reason to tell him seeing as ghost laws allow polygamy so Tim can live a normal life and date/marry whoever he wants and be none the wiser to his ghostly marital status.

In other words he avoids his problems as usual.

Tim would just like to know why supernatural entities scatter like roaches the moment he steps onto the scene

It was a puzzle box that his parents got from an rich man's funeral auction.

It was small and didn't mean much to them as there were greater treasures in the box. So many that they had Tim document them while they got ready for a party or a trip or just going out for dinner. Tim is old enough to do these kind of chores after all.

Being just shy of 14 with a box a trinkets, gives a moment of play while his parents aren't looking. He picks up the odd puzzle and takes a minute or two to solve it. Once he does a little space has opened up for him and in it is a ring.

It's a simple band of maybe silver? White gold? it's made of a bright white material with an odd insignia... But it looks like it would fit him and he puts it on to see if it does.

It fits perfectly on his ring finger.

Tim realizes much, much, much later that it only fit on his left ring finger and that has real meaning to magic and the like.....

Ohhh what if the puzzle box itself was a form of test? Like an observant or servant spirit cleverly had him list out all his preferred traits in a partner in conversation and had the box made and slipped into the mortal realms so that it could find a perfect match. Then the box would test the players cleverness and puzzle solving skills if they met the kings taste.

Then they would get the ring.

Danny has serious "maybe if I stand perfectly still it can't see me" vibes in this fic. Just running from every problem possible. Except the paperwork. He can't escape the paperwork. The zone needs him.

The ring disappears by the time Tim looks down, and he’s tired so he assumes he logged it and forgot. What will it matter? It was so plain

He doesn’t even remember what was in the box until Constantine grabs his left hand and the ring blazes into view

Which comes first, the Ring or the Robin suit?

Either way, if Constantine notices and reveals it as soon as he sees it, Tim is most likely still a young, possibly prepubescent boy at the time.

Batman is not happy to hear that his this little boy has been magically married to some "Millenia Old Tyrant King of the Space Between Worlds" as Constantine calls him.

Danny can sure try to run from his problems. Right up until Batman summons him to demand an annulment.

Constantine of course notices this new being is NOT King Pariah Dark...

Constantine: Who the fuck are you? I was summoning the King, not a baby ghost?

Danny: Um, so... I ended Pariah like, 6 months ago? Yeah about that. Anyways, he stole a mortal town. Which was so not cool. Like, the town is my haunt ya know. So rude. So I got people to take care of his army and fought him myself. And won. And then the observants made me crush his core? So.. I'm the King now.

Constantine: Right. So, how uh old are you?

Danny: Like, ghost age and mortal? Or...

Constantine: Yeah all up.

Danny: I'm 15!

Batman: Is that why you married my son?

Danny: Oh no. Nu uh. No. The observants made this list of like, who I would possibly ever marry. And I gave them what I thought would be incredibly difficult to match specifications. It is NOT my fault he solved the puzzle box and wore the CLEARLY magical artefact! Anyway. Since he's like, alive we can ignore it.

Batman: I want you to annul the marriage!

Danny: Why? Like it doesn't mean anything except most supernatural creatures leave him alone? And like, polyamory is legal, so he can date and marry whoever he wants?

Batman: Because you are both children? And you didn't ask my permission, or his in truth.

Danny: I kinda.. can't? Cause I'm only 15 um my guardian has to. And he uh, Clockwork approved. And I can't do anything about it till I'm considered mature. Which could be when I turn 21, or could be when I turn 100. No one really knows. Ghosts aging is.. weird. So like, if we could go back to ignoring that would be great!

Batman: How do I contact this Clockwork?

Constantine: Ahaha. No. No I won't be summoning Ol Clocky.

Danny: Oh you know him? Wait... Ohhhh. You're Johnny Boy from the pictures! In his lair!!!!

Constantine: You know about that? Fuck!

Batman: Know about what?

Danny: Clockwork dated Constantine when he was younger! Then! Connie broke his heart. You need another mage to summon him. Clocky would refuse on principle.

a glowing green post-it appearing out of nowhere: I would and will :]

Danny sighed after seeing the note.

Danny: He thinks he would be good for me. He's the worst meddler in the Realms.

Batman: So I just have to accept this?

Constantine: Look. At least it's not the tyrant king yeah? It's a kid his age who has no control over it either. Just... Fucking relax.

Danny: I mean. He does get swanky protection from magic threats at least?

Batman: You shouldn't be married either!

Danny: Oh yeah I totally agree. That's why I designed the box to be super difficult. Like he should not have been able to open it!

Much later, when Tim starts going out with Bernard he starts fretting about how to explain to Bernard that he's already married to the Ghost King of the Infinite Realms…

…turns out Bernard’s into that.

Tim: So I accidentally married the Ghost King when I was 14.... And we can't get a divorce for reasons... But, we've never interacted much cause Bruce is so against it? I'm not allowed to meet him unsupervised till we are both 21? And he's cool with me dating and stuff.

Bernard:... Is it weird that makes me more attracted to you or not?

just the two who form their own polycule on their side and when the two groups finally meet for the 21st birthday party...

I imagine that Tim brings 4 people (Bernar, Kon, Vassie, Bart) afraid of the reaction just so that Danny brings 8 people (Sam, Tucker, Valérie, Dash, Wes and even if he is not directly in a romantic relationship Star, Kwan, Paulina)

Just the chaos of the meeting, the DC side clearly didn't expect this one. Tim is so relieving

And the kingdom? happy! they are always for more powerful young people who support their baby king! the kingdoms are infinite after all