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coming to terms with being aro and/or ace isn't really talked about and i feel like it should be, especially the uglier aspects of it. like yes i know being ace is fine and good and totally natural, i know this, but it doesn't change the fact that i feel so terrible about myself. like i feel like a dick because i can't just be happy for my friends when they get into relationships and i feel like i constantly have to justify why i feel the way i do and nobody understands my critiques of dating culture and our conception of romance in general because it works for them, but it doesn't work for me, and nobody wants to put in the work to understand that. like whenever i talk about it with my friends there's always this underlying attitude of "you'll get it once you find The One," but maybe i'll never find The One, and maybe i don't want to.

online you see a lot of positivity and acceptance, and that's great. it really helps people. there's just something about logging off and being constantly bombarded with romance novels, films, poetry, all of it, that makes you feel like a freak. and you get so angry because nobody seems to understand and you're realizing that you'll never get married but all your friends will and you'll slowly lose more and more of your support network until you're just alone with a cat in a shitty apartment. like logically i know it won't be that way and i should just meet some ace people irl but goddamn it really fucks you up at first.

anyway if your coming to terms with your aro/ace-ness manifests as self-hatred, i see you and i'm with you and it's normal. i promise it'll be okay eventually. in the meantime you simply have to "fuck it we ball" through it

this hits home hard for me. thank you <33

when you've spent the vast majority of your life hating yourself to the point where you don't know if being on the aroace spectrum was a factor:

':D It's me but not me too, I don't know ??? XwX

Being aromantic and asexual doesn't mean being sex repulsed and romance repulsed. I'm personally sex repulsed. But people would assume that means I can't look at pictures of naked people or witness *suggestive* content without cringing. Sometimes it's true, depending on my mood. But most of the time, it's just indifference. In fact, I LOVE dirty humor-- I tell dirty jokes all the time! The idea of participating in it is what repulses me, but no matter how much I try, or convince myself, that 'suggestive content' will never rouse any sort of emotional response in me (other than occasional disgust). Similarly, I have never been attracted to anybody in real life, and never will I, no matter how much I convince myself.

The same is similar with romance, except I am romance positive. I love romance. I love fantasizing about it, listening to romantic music-- I even love being in romantic relationships. But no matter how much I try, or convince myself, I will never, ever, feel romantic attraction. It has never happened and it has never will (often to my chagrin). Asexual and aromantic implies a lack of attraction, not a lack of desire. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

being in love with the concept of romance but not real romance is completely valid!

“beauty and the beast” where beauty’s dad comes home with the rose and is like oh shit oh shit this terrible monster says i have to come live with him forever because i picked his favorite flower and beauty just goes fuck that and puts on her pants and marches down to the beast’s castle herself

and she’s expecting this horrifying dark fortress but it’s actually sort of just a normal castle with big rose bushes and furniture that’s sometimes alive

and she thinks, i can work with this

and the beast comes out and he’s like don’t look at me i am a hideous monster and beauty’s like dude you’re like a talking tiger in a cape are you kidding you’re AWESOME can i pet you can i stroke your paws can you give me a ride

and he’s like what and she goes around the castle like okay we’ll put curtains here and expand the kitchen and this could be a really cute breakfast nook

and the beast is confused because isn’t she supposed to be terrified and hate him and he had all these intimidating speeches planned and he’s like uh aren’t you going to try to run away

and beauty’s all are you kidding this is a magic castle i’m going to live here forever

so they just sort of settle in together and one day beauty goes home for the weekend to visit her family and they’re all amazed that she’s alive and her sisters go WHY DIDN’T THE HUGE MONSTER EAT YOU TO DEATH and she’s like nahhh he’s basically just a big cat he’s kind of cute actually sometimes he plays with yarn when he thinks i’m not looking

and she explains how it’s really not that bad, all the dishes wash themselves and i get all these gorgeous dresses for free because the castle doesn’t know what else to do with them and yeah there are flowers everywhere but hey that’s his hobby y’know i’m not gonna discourage that man

and then one day while beauty’s re-alphabetizing her magic library and trying to decide where to put that enchanted mirror the beast comes up and he’s like hey so this is awkward but are you like………………………………..in love with me……?????????

and beauty’s like oh uh wow haha um sorry no you’re…sort of a tiger

and the beast is like thank goodness because if you were i’d have to turn back into a human and i’ve kind of gotten used to being a big lion thing with horns and the ability to speak english for some reason like why would i want to go back to being a spindly little man and then beauty laughs and she’s like okay well can you go catch us a wild boar for dinner, dear

and they end up getting married in the end just because it’s easier to explain that way, you know, a single lady ~~living alone with a man~~ even if he’s not actually a man, and that’s fine with them because beauty was never really into the whole boys and sex thing and the beast (whose name is jeff) is honestly more interested in his flowers

and whenever any of the other ladies in the village give her any shit beauty is just like, oh, you don’t like my crepes? well you know my husband, who is literally a tiger, loves them and then everyone leaves her alone, which is really all she ever wanted

and she goes back to her magic castle and sits down with a book in front of the fire and rests her feet on her cat husband and nobody bothers her ever again

can that happen

8D

Can we have a whole book of aromantic fairy tales?

I needed this so much.

I am down for this idea of the Beast as a scholarly ace tiger with horns.

fucking YES!!!! and no servants change into pieces of furniture that cause guilt and emotional blackmail in sight!

go this bromance 👌💜💜💜💜