last minute contender for tweet of the year

I was not in any sense prepared for that.

🎶Trying to steal🎶 🎶A fry🎶 🎶From you🎶 🎶And I don't know if I can do it🎶

Click on it twice. These are your two super powers.

everyone else always seems to fucking get cool shit and i always get like “gel manipulation” and “using dust along w/ your fighting style”

star trek has always handled trauma/mental illness well imo but sisko explaining to the prophets in the first episode that humans live in linear time and can't ever go back... and then the prophets are so confused and show him his wife dying and ask "but you exist here?" that was. that one.... hit

One of them will have to get finished eventually, right???

also you can't tell me black Vulcans wouldn't sport this type of haircut. the geometric shapes, the clean lines, the symmetry? absolutely Vulcan to the core. straight haired Vulcans wish they could look this flawless. scientifically this is the Most Vulcan Haircut

telepathy received

oh my god she's even wearing like, a Vulcan ceremonial outfit

@parad0xysms feel free to add on to my posts at any time also these are 100% canon

Funky concept - your height reversed is how tall you’d be as a cryptid/fantasy creature   ✌️

I:  I:   D:   ):< 0′6″

The promiscuous women bot accounts keep following me I am fucking under attack

one of my favourite things in The Two Towers is the dynamic Théoden and Aragorn have going on

Aragorn is completely calm but constantly on the edge of going completely berserk, Théoden is downtrodden and resigned to doom but trying to look tough for the sake of inspiring his men

Aragorn thinks they should take the fight to the orcs (surprise surprise) but defers to Théoden's judgment in all things because Théoden's in charge, all through the battle of Helm's Deep he's the one giving the orders and Aragorn's just doing what he can to make it work

Théoden's all "we're gonna go out in a hail of glory" and Aragorn's like "okay but how about instead of us going out, we just kill everyone else and survive, how about that"

Théoden's resigned to lose but determined to do it with honour and glory, meanwhile losing is not an option for Aragorn because too many people would die

so Aragorn tries to imbue his own strength into some random lad's sword as if he can somehow will the boy to survive, and possibly nobody has ever said "there is always hope" with so much ferocity and determination

and then it's battle time and he goes into Aragorn Berserker Mode (tm) and it's so good, this man catches hold of a thirty-foot ladder and kicks off from the wall and just rides it all the way down to the ground, crashing down on top of a bunch of orcs with a yell and proceeding to stab as many as he can reach (leaping down on top of a horde of enemies is one of Aragorn's favourite strategies and the most ridiculous thing about this is that it works)

he sneaks out the side of the keep and jumps across with Gimli and the two of them hold off the entire battalion of orcs that's attacking the main doors

THEN they've been driven back to the hall and the orcs are swarming the keep and there's one door left between them and death, and while Legolas and Gimli and the men are trying to shore up the doors with the furniture, Aragorn's like "I've got an idea: let's just ride out into them and mow them all down"

and Théoden's like "a final suicide run you say, sounds awesome, I'm in"

and Aragorn's like "wait what, suicide run, wtf are you talking about this is a regular Tuesday for me"

he's got such a wild half-crazy brand of optimism and just steamrolls over Théoden's attempts to be pessimistic the same way he steamrolls over the orcs' attempts to kill him, with sheer force of will

i was in a thrift shop the other day and they were playing the most unsettling variations of normal christmas music, culminating in this rendition of the 12 days of christmas except it was like 12 guys all singing over each other and going “no!” and interrupting the lyrics with random other phrases until they deadass just started singing 5 golden rings to toto’s africa. can anyone confirm that this is a real song and not that i stroked so hard i astral projected into a universe where everything is somehow worse than it is here

https://youtu.be/2Fe11OlMiz8

I remember listening to this in grade school. I am going to go get some Chinese food.

this is what my anxiety attacks sound like

Oh I needed this laugh this evening. Thank you so much.

In case anyone didn’t want to leave Tumblr and just hit “play”

The story behind the song is equally hilarious. They were in the group in college, and a few years after they graduated, in 2006, one of them uploaded the video to this newly popular site called YouTube. It was in April, so it might have just disappeared, but instead it went viral. It was, at one point, one of the most-watched videos on the site.

Straight No Chaser had grown up. It had been 9 years. They were married, had jobs, lived all over the world. One of them was on tour with The Lion King. They got the band back together anyway, and recorded a Christmas album that’s a lot of fun. Then they kept going.

They still tour and record.

When will creators of famous and beloved franchises realise that no fan in the history of fandoms has wanted the sequel with the new generation to have higher stakes and more angsty drama than the original.

A Fan: Wow, can’t wait to see the heroes’ children living in a world that has been made better by the original heroes, having a loving and respectful relationship with the hero I loved and respected as a child, and dealing with their own adventure that might not be as high stake as saving the world, but is important for their own personal journey. 

A creator: How about the world is ending again, the new generation hates the heroes, who have become major assholes for no reason, and everything is bigger and goes more boom.  

Hobbit/Lord of the Rings is the SINGLE exception to higher stakes sequel

and you know why? it’s bc nothing in lotr undid what happened in the hobbit

the hobbit was a lower-stakes story about bilbo helping some dwarves reclaim their ancestral home, and in lotr (the book at least) tolkien goes out of his way to talk about how bilbo lived for a long time rich and famous and happy, and that erebor and dale are prosperous and successful. the threat is something that bilbo brought home with him, but if bilbo hadn’t found it, it would have fallen into worse hands. 

the reason why higher-stakes sequels are so often disappointing is bc it’s a betrayal of the original work, and undoes its premise and its victory. in the hobbit, they were never setting out to save the whole of middle earth, so the fact that the whole of middle earth ends up in peril during lotr doesn’t feel like a betrayal. terrible things happen in lotr, but they are better than they would have been in the hobbit hadn’t happened, and that’s why it works

“Think of what might have been. Dragon-fire and savage swords in Eriador, night in Rivendell. There might be no Queen in Gondor. We might now hope to return from the victory here only to ruin and ash. But that has been averted – because I met Thorin Oakenshield one evening on the edge of spring in Bree. A chance-meeting, as we say in Middle-Earth.” – Gandalf, Appendix A

new kinsey scale just dropped tag yourself

I used to be a 5 but now I’m a 3

rewatched the beginning of sgwun in honor of the 25th and it's so funny to me how general hammond is kind of a dick for 1.5 episodes exactly, and then is like actually. i can't maintain this fiction. if you are in my field of view and don't work for the pentagon you are a member of my family. i will raise you and cherish you and occasionally shake my head at you in benign disappointment for your antics. your presence is both requested and required at the barbecue this saturday, do not be late. and they're all like …??? for exactly three hours before volunteering to bring the potato salad

Ok but "How about you go where I tell you?" Is one of his best lines.

accurate

amazing how much writing i get done when i actually write. who could have foreseen this

The 2 birds per stone factoid is actually a statistical error. Astroid Georg, who fell from the sky and killed 38 billion birds, is an outlier and should never have been counted.

Meteorg

[Image description: Screenshot of a tweet by @\cubosh that reads "realization: the asteroid that ended the dinosaurs was technically the highest ratio of killing birds to one stone in earths history" /end ID]

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

Why not?

Ask away

These are all really specific- LET’S DO IT!!

reblog and put in the tags the real reason you joined tumblr no matter how horrible or embarrassing it is

Time To Move On

Banagan stepped back and knelt down. He laid his sword on the ground before brushing his hair back out of his face. Breathing heavily, he looked up at the practice dummy that he’d been attacking and considered what he would do next.

“Larethian.”

Banny looked over his shoulder to see one of the trainers watching him from the edge of the practice yard. He pushed against the ground and stood up. Leaning over, he knocked the dirt off his knees and then reached down to picked up his weapon. Putting his sword in its scabbard, he then walked over the trainer and stood at attention. “Yes, sir.”

“I believe that dummy probably had it coming,” the trainer said with a smirk. Banagan shrugged slightly in response. “How’re you feeling?”

“Good, sir.”

“Ready to jump right back at it, eh?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Just like your father,” the trainer offered with a grin.

“That’s what I’ve been told.”

“Well I’m afraid that will have to wait, son. We’ve got other matters to attend to.”

“Is something wrong?” Banny asked, a slight look of confusion on his face.

“Not for you,” the trainer said. “You’re moving on. So go get your bags packed.”

“Moving on? Does that mean..”

“That’s right,” the trainer nodded. “You’re time here in Northshire is done. You’re heading on to Stormwind.”

“Stormwind,” Banny repeated as his eyes widened a bit.

“That’s where you wanted to go, right?”

“Yes, sir.” 

“Well, time’s come. There’s a group of us who are heading there in two hours time. Figure it’s as good a time for you to get on your way as well.”

“Thank you, sir!” 

“Don’t just stand there, son. Get that goofy look off your face and get your gear together. Be ready to go in two hours or you get to stay here until the next supply wagon comes at the end of the week.”

“Yes, sir,” Banny said, having completely failed to get the grin off his face. “I’ll be right there.” He turned and started jogging towards the main doors of the abbey.

“I said two hours,” the trainer called out, but Banagan had already ducked into the doorway. “That kid,” he added with a quiet chuckle.