I was planning on doing a big life photodump post since I haven’t been active on here in ten billion years but all I really do right now is sit at home with a baby so that’s all I got folks…..will have more content to post maybe when I go back to college in a couple months and no longer living the neet life and perhaps get out of my hermit shell!

Hi tumlr

I might revive this blog idk

Been a minute since I’ve been on tumblr

Idk if I’m gonna come back anytime soon but I had a baby she’s nice & soft & smells like milk

When I was like 16 I had a secret blog that like nobody followed me on, I just used it like a diary yknow for overly personal stuff, bitching & complaining, etc. anyway one day a popular blogger followed it & I was like ???? I have no idea how she even found it because it’s not like I reblogged anything or whatnot? And no idea why she followed me because she was this pretty popular cool aesthetic girl in her 20s on tumblr & mine was obviously the bitchblog of an angsty mentally ill teen. But she would like my posts & occasionally comment things along the lines of “hope ur ok!! Feel better soon”. I was always too scared to interact with her but I did keep up with her blog because she was lovely.

Anyway plot twist she died 4 years ago. Her blog has just been a ghost ever since. I never did end up reaching out. I always regretted that. I don’t know why she decided to follow that blog or how she even found it because she was genuinely like a really popular blogger everyone loved her she was also beautiful. She must’ve genuinely had a good heart. I felt fucking devastated when I found out she died. I really wish I had said something like hey I know this is weird but you followed my private angst blog when I was 16 & you were always so kind to me even though I was obvs a loser…..idk I’m probably always gonna feel a bit bad about that.

I always feel like Tracy Beaker every time I try to defend my neglectful ass mother like uhhhmmm….actually my mums a Hollywood star and she’s like super famous and busy so that’s why she doesn’t have time for me. I’m sure she’ll be here to pick me up any day now and whisk me away from all my worries and pain so uhhhmmm yea…

I will neverrrr understand that thing people do when they don’t like someone anymore but they’ve been friends for so long so they decide to just remain friends….like babe if it sucks hit da bricks. My boyfriend is guilty of this, he has this “best friend” who actually he doesn’t like anymore at all (for good reason, the guy sucks lol) but instead of telling him straight up that he doesn’t want to be friends anymore, he just ignores him for days on end & sighs irritably whenever he sees he has a text from him…like bro why are you doing this to yourself. You don’t have to stay friends with someone just because it’s been years, you’ll just slowly build up resentment. Change, flourish, etc

I often think that if I could make myself not have a bunch of shit wrong with my brain, & if I could go back & fix everything like rewrite my entire life to have everything go smoothly…I would. It especially sucked when I was a kid, knowing there was something causing a barrier between me & my peers but not exactly understanding what. Feeling like everyone else had been handed a manual on how to think feel and behave, yet I was a baby bird thrown from the nest with no idea how to fly. When I was about to start high school, I broke my collarbone going down a water slide at the pool. That water slide ended up getting closed down eventually cause apparently a bunch of kids got injured on it but anyway not the point. A friend of mine at the time made this Facebook group that she wanted people to leave words of support for me in after I broke my collarbone. Which was very sweet and I ended up ruining that friendship also which I kick myself for everyday cause she was probs the only real friend I had. Anyway again not point. Anyway this boy in our class posted in the group “why does this group even exist. Does she even have friends?” and like I guess it’s kinda funny now looking back on it but at the time I was so sad because he was right barely anyone cared. However though if I WASNT a unhinged loser then I probably would never have met my boyfriend and therefore would never have my daughter. Those 2 mean the entire world to me and I can’t imagine a life without them, they brought colour to my life. So I guess maybe everything was worth it in the end. And that boy who posted in the Facebook group is now 25 and still just posts nothing but pics of him drinking with the #lads and has a shitty haircut (you know the British chav boy haircut…)

My boyfriend & I recently bought a ps2 because we were talking about old games from our childhood and how much we wished we could play them again then we realized that we literally could…so we went out and bought one and a few games at secondhand gaming store. We bought Simpsons Hit & Run (which, by the way, humour is still absolutely class) , Spiderman 2, which I always completely ignored actual missions & just swung around the city delivering pizzas. And also Shadow The Hedgehog, a banger of a game to this day. I don’t know if I was just more of a le epic gamer when I was 7 years old but Shadow is actually quite difficult & I can’t get near as far in the game as I did back in the day, I keep dying. The controls also feel way more janky, I don’t remember it being like this when I was a kid but also like that was the best we got back then. Same with the graphics, I don’t remember them looking quite that blurry but as I say I didn’t have modern time video games to compare it to back then.

Obvs people are free to create whatever content they find entertaining regardless of what other people think but in my opinion the whole backrooms/liminal space thing gets less scary when you introduce monsters to it. Cause like at least then there’s something to spice it up. Keep the adrenaline pumping. Personally I can’t think of anything more hellish than walking through endless pale yellow walls with that dusty old smell and a faint recording of looping music that would be played in an 80s office, slowly losing hope of an end in sight

Music opinions:

- I don’t wanna be one of those pretentious “ugh you don’t know REAL emo…p0ser” people and I know My Chemical Romance/Welcome To The Black Parade is a classic, this absolutely is no h8 to mcr because they’re literally my fav band in the entire world but tbh? To be honest? I just don’t see it as the emo anthem. If you ask me, From First To Last are a band that capture emo unlike any else. Go listen to Note To Self right now and tell me you aren’t instantly transported to 2006

- similarly when I see 100gecs on a scene kid playlist and I’m like where’s the Breathe Carolina? Attack Attack? Brokencyde?

- Evanescence/Bring Me To Life wouldn’t be such a memey song if it weren’t for the male vocals. They suck and don’t fit the song at all. I remember seeing that Amy Lee actually didn’t even want the dude there but she was pressured because the song “wouldn’t sell” otherwise…which is complete dick and also balls.

- Cobra Starship/Good Girls Go Bad best song of all time

So I’m not sure if I’ll start being a regular poster over here at turtle dot com again (I typed tumblr - phone autocorrected it to turtle. Leaving it at that🐢) but I might give it a little shot. Are people still alive out here? *tumbleweed floats past*

I’m 25 weeks pregnant now with my daughter. She’s approximately the size of a small penguin! Being her mum is the only thing that’s made me want to actually take care of my body. It’s her home after all. And it’s kind of amazing I’ve grown all these organs…I’ve grown an entire human being. I did that! Me and my shitty useless body or so I thought. It made her. Every kick makes me so happy. She’s so perfect and she’s mine.

Haven’t been on tumblr in a minute. Hi!

Some updates:

- I spent some time in the psych ward

- I’m pregnant

- I’m enjoying some really nice vanilla bubble tea right now

Me on tumblr: h—

Blank bot blog #2170: *follows me*

“You are not alone”

Showing off my My Melody tattoo since it’s her birthday🎀💗

There is no child in the world that deserves abuse. You could’ve been the naughtiest, loudest little terror and you still wouldn’t have deserved to be abused. Every child has the right to feel safe.