we often think soulmates are a mirror of each other. the Greek story of zeus's wrath tells us they're our other half, and we long for them our entire lives. a lot of us spend our lives in search of our other half. we tend to assume that this other half would be a lot like us, that it could see through us and understand who we are. being understood is afterall what love is all about.
so we go through our lives, meeting people that 'fit our type'. I don't know about you, but i did live my life like that- jumping from one potential soulmate to another. I had a checklist prepared for every quality that my soulmate should have. a tall guy, with (preferably) curly hair; should be kind and compassionate, emotionally available, and of course, academically smart. someone who would listen to Taylor Swift songs with me and be an absolute romantic. someone who is political and isn't afraid of voicing their opinions. a communist. a feminist. someone with all the good parts of my dad, and not a single bad one. now that is a very unrealistic expectation, isn't it? but it was what I expected out of my soulmate. and i went years without finding one. (understandably so)
until I did. until I met someone who made me want to completely rethink my criterias. movies make you think that the day you meet your soulmate, sparks would fly and you'd feel like you swallowed a thousand butterflies. but none of this happened. movies are a lie, yes, but the very idea of a soulmate is too. because the day I met this guy, I went back home and I can swear I swore that I will never meet him again. until we did. somehow he walked back into my life, and I let him. we met over and over again, we argued, we kissed, we cooked, we fucked and he annoyed the fuck out of me. i couldn't stand him, he was insufferable. he challenged me constantly and i challenged him back. he didn't like Taylor Swift and he wasn't a romantic. he was political but not very vocal about it. he wasn't a leftist, centre left he'd say. he would crack un-feminist jokes to piss me off, and he pissed me off A LOT. he annoyed every fibre of my being and he was mostly everything that I didn't want my soulmate to be. and yet somehow, we became friends. worse, i found myself falling for him.
I don't know what it was about him. he did not mirror me, nor did he check the list I had made for my soulmate. but every moment I spent with him- fighting, arguing, making love, cooking for each other, I realised I want to keep doing this forever. i would picture my life 10 years down the line, and he would be a part of that picture. it was almost as if i couldn't live away from him. until i had to. until he went back home. for a few weeks after he left, i felt so lost as if someone had torn apart a part of my own soul. "soulmate" i heard my heart ringing. that is when i realised that soulmates aren't a carbon copy of you. they are not going to be a reflection of your own personality or they won't fit into your checklist. they will be a whirlwind of everything you never thought you might need, all in one, and they will walk into your lives in the most unexpected of ways. and when they do walk, in there will be no sparks flying or butterflies in your tummy. rather, you'll start becoming a better version of yourself. they compliment your personality and bring out the best in you. despite being different, they will be able to see you and see through you. they will understand you though they might not be able to relate to you. they will listen to you speak about your favorite artists and movies and books even though they might not be into them. as Taylor Jenkins said- your soulmate was somebody who had all the things you didn't, that needed all the things you had.
