realizing how stressed i am by the fact that 100% of my communication with everyone but the person i live with is not only virtual but textual. everything always in writing. i’m too tired. i can’t say in writing anything that i think, it is too hard. can’t we just go to a bar and talk to each other
#remember when i had numerous friends who lived within walking distance of my home#many of them within a five-block radius#and i thought i was lonely#lol!!!#that was also a time when i thought not leaving the house for two days at a time was a big deal#again i say: lol#things about relationships#the key to all mythologies#comprehensive crazy tag#not not#pandemicblogging#but it's not like i was doing huge amounts of in-person socializing before the pandemic either#agoraphobia as mourning#all that shared time in coffee shops and bars and on porches and stoops and in parks and walking and and and#lordy lord#anyway big weekend for scales of loss over here and also my brain does not fucking WORK and i want to write and can't#and can't talk either because talking is writing !#[scream]#scream at least is not writing. scream is just scream