The Rider of Storms

Mike Hawk, huh

Tony Hawk being like "yeah Mike Hawk is tiny"

the idea that you can buy milk at the grocery store seems just so self evident. it's hard to imagine the time before pasteurization and refrigeration were common, when the milkman would come by your house every morning and lactate into a bottle for you.

and fuck your wife!

and fuck your wife

this sculpture is from 2011 by artist sara swink

cats have been bothering humans since at least 2011

pesident babas extremely popular flagship policy, ECONOMY IS GOOD, is going to prove hard to beat

That thing about how cats think humans are big kittens is a myth, y’know.

It’s basically born of false assumptions; folks were trying to explain how a naturally solitary animal could form such complex social bonds with humans, and the explanation they settled on is “it’s a displaced parent/child bond”.

The trouble is, cats aren’t naturally solitary. We just assumed they were based on observations of European wildcats - but housecats aren’t descended from European wildcats. They’re descended from African wildcats, which are known to hunt in bonded pairs and family groupings, and that social tendency is even stronger in their domesticated relatives. The natural social unit of the housecat is a colony: a loose affiliation of cats centred around a shared territory held by alliance of dominant females, who raise all of the colony’s kittens communally.

It’s often remarked that dogs understand that humans are different, while cats just think humans are big, clumsy cats, and that’s totally true - but they regard us as adult colonymates, not as kittens, and all of their social behaviour toward us makes a lot more sense through that lens.

They like to cuddle because communal grooming is how cats bond with colonymates - it establishes a shared scent-identity for the colony and helps clean spots that they can’t easily reach on their own.

They bring us dead animals because cats transport surplus kills back to the colony’s shared territory for consumption by pregnant, nursing, or sick colonymates who can’t easily hunt on their own. Indeed, that’s why they kill so much more than they individually need - it’s not for fun, but to generate enough surplus kills to sustain the colony’s non-hunting members.

They’re okay with us messing with their kittens because communal parenting is the norm in a colony setting, and us being colonymates in their minds automatically makes us co-parents.

It’s even why many cats are so much more tolerant toward very small children, as long as those children are related to one of their regular humans: they can tell the difference between human adults and human “kittens”, and your kittens are their kittens.

Basically, you’re going to have a much easier time getting a handle on why your cat does why your cat does if you remember that the natural mode of social organisation for cats is not as isolated solitary hunters, but as a big communal catpile - and for that purpose, you count as a cat.

i am taller then anyone even moms

ID: Orange and white tabby sitting on a windowsill

i am going to wake up from this nap on time and feeling refreshed and not any worse than I do at this current time

WE'RE pissing on company time

gobble

Sending my most reliable corporate staffer to Connecticut to shut down a Christmas tree farm. Wish me luck

I keep sending them, but they don't come back. I really just need to shut down this farm. Do you think I should go check it out

Can I go with? My fiancé, one of your reliable corporate staffers, who I was supposed to marry January 1st hasn’t been answering my calls either

Good idea. I'm sure if you remind her of your lucrative upcoming business deal she'll come back.

#it turns out that there's only a fine line between a hallmark special and a horror film

The one real HRT milestone that matters is the first time a cat steps on your boobs and it hurts

assigned titty at kitty (atak)

Yeah she atak me

official boob post

Rise up trans goth girl admirers

It brings me no pleasure to report that after months of relentless efforts to crack our last line of defense, Pickles has ripped the child-proof lock off of our cabinet and broken into the sealed container of dry food.

awesome

While the Onion buying InfoWars is indeed extremely funny, very few of the posts I've seen commenting on the sale have mentioned that the families of the Sandy Hook victims apparently agreed to voluntarily reduce their lawsuit payout as part of a deal to ensure that the Onion would acquire InfoWars wholesale, rather than having the company broken up and auctioned off piecemeal, as the latter course could potentially have allowed some of those pieces to end up back in the hands of Alex Jones' cronies.

Like, yes, it is in fact very funny that InfoWars is now a wholly owned subsidiary of Clickhole, but the real props go out to the Sandy Hook families who saw the opportunity and willingly gave up the additional millions of dollars that could have been realised by stripping InfoWars for parts in order to make that happen.