Aremo Shitai Koremo Shitai Onna no Ko ni Mietatte

IF ITS NOT IN HIS CONTRACT HES NOT DOING IT

Happy Birthday to Vanilla Extract.

currently the funniest idea running through my head is apollo complaining about a light flickering on and off at the agency and being like damn trucy doesn't mr. wright ever change the lightbulbs around here? and trucy just goes oh the lightbulbs are fine! that's just ms. mia saying hello :) and apollo is like WHO???? and trucy just looks at him like gosh polly don't you know anything? ms. mia! daddy's old mentor! the one who was so fond of mr. charley! and apollo tries to laugh it off and go haha trucy very funny you're not gonna scare me with ghost stories (<-very obviously quaking in his shoes) and right at that moment a stapler gets knocked off his desk and apollo screams so loud they can hear him from the prosecutor's office

#mia is telling trucy abt that time phoenix ate glass in morse code #she's like daddy did WHAT????? #and apollo is like what what did she say and trucy is like i thought you didn't believe in ghosts. anyways it's private Girl Talk #(she is lying through her teeth)

I love how Murderbot is leaving a trail dotted with hacked bots. Desperately hoping for this to be a plot point in the future; ART and Murderbot and their growing pack of "you picked free will, now what?" maybe-allies.

I have to tell you about the Abuela on my street.

She is nearly 70 years old, with wonderfully brown gnarled, wrinkled hands and eyes that are creased from smiling. She hand-makes all of her own clothes and sews dolls for my little sister. Abuela is very lonely… her husband already passed and her kids live far away. She misses her grandkids. Abuela comes around our place for the company almost every other day.

So this morning, my little sister and I went to visit the Abuela to return the kindness of her vegetables with some homemade soup.

It’s a funny joke we have, that if you can make a perfect posole you are wife material. I was joking around with my friend beforehand to see if I was worthy of marriage, and my little sister thinks me failing is the best thing in life, so of course she wants to ask Abuela when we arrive.

We’re wearing masks and gloves and can’t give her the big hug like we want to, but Abuela is always happy to see us. We bring the pot of soup to her table. My little sis, the little shit that she is, immediately asks, “Abuela, is Reina ready to be a wife yet?”

And Abuela immediately shifts her entire mood. Her face literally becomes this:

Abuela’s look pierces through my heart.

“Who are you trying to impress? A man or a woman?” she asks, deadly serious. We have broached the topic of marriage. It is her domain now.

And I, Rei, gay as the fourth of July, cannot believe that either Abuela clocked me instantly or that she could possibly have a fascinating past of her own. 

I thought about lying, but my little sister was there and I don’t like to lie in front of her. So I was honest and said I was trying to impress a woman.

Without a response, Abuela carefully tries the posole. The room is silent.

“For a man, it’s good,” she says after a moment. “But, you’ll need to work harder to impress a woman.”

All I can do is politely nod. I have so many questions.

Now Abuela is tired. She wants to eat and relax in peace, so she waves us away. We make sure she’s settled, and then my sister and I go home.

I can’t believe my 70 year old Abuela said BI RIGHTS

this is the funniest fucking thing ever

not only did the grandma say bi rights but like

she had two separate scales of food judgement for men and women AT THE READY and there’s something inherently hilarious in “FOR MEN IT’S FINE, FOR WOMEN DO BETTER” 

Humans have finally managed to land on Mars, only to find a locked safe buried in the Martian soil. The key is apparently on Earth, but no one knows where.

The galactic council watched on to see how humanity would handle the task, much as they had with several species before. What the test was supposed to show was whether or not a species of violent nature could ever be brought to work together. They finally picked something up, another ship already headed to Mars? Was it possible humans were that clever to have found the key, maybe it was more specialists and equipment to analyze the locked crate to ensure it was safe to open. A few minutes after landing, they got another broadcast from the red planet.

“This is the LockPickingLawyer and today I’ve got something quite special, this locked alien chest. First of all I have to thank everyone who recommended me for the job, I’m honored that you all thought of me. Now let’s get to work”

The council representatives were confused as they started analyzing the translation, before even getting through the name he spoke something haunting

“Normally I don’t say things like this but this lock is quite unique, however with no security pins it will still be quite quick.”

“There we go, a click on 3… “

All the species of the galactic council sat dumbfounded, they spent many galactic cycles refining and perfecting their study and in all their time not a singular race had tried this method. Click after click, even in such an intricate lock the human had only spent around five minutes tampering with it.

“There we go, now while I can’t open this as part of my video I can say that I at least have a clue what the key should look like in case it ever gets locked again. I admire the design choices and the fact that at least it was harder to get open than anything Master Lock has made”

the difference between how link does gender and how zelda does gender is that link decides what pronouns he’ll use that day based entirely on what outfit he’d like to wear, and zelda has a calendar up on the wall with five months blocked out weeks ahead of time and labeled “boy time”.

Calvin's parents decide to take a Hawai'ian vacation. They're not sure how much of it their son will tolerate but they would like to do at least a few things that involve sandy beaches and scenic cycling routes. They are therefore pleased when Calvin seems to make friends with a local girl about his own age and the two of them run off to play

Now, from Calvin's point of view what has happened is that he spotted actual aliens, and starts trying to bring this to the attention if the adults. But the tourists are like, "that's nice, go shoot 'em with your water gun, have a good time," and the locals are like, "yeah, they're an older couple who decided to retire here. Happens all the time." Eventually, it becomes clear that Spaceman Spiff is going to have to handle it himself.

From Lilo's point of view, Jumba and Pleakley are her gay uncles, do you mind? Calvin does mind, and so the two of them spend the rest of the afternoon terrorizing Kaua'i in the effort to destroy one another while the aliens alternate between bailing them out of trouble and attempting to escape.

Hobbes and Stitch, meanwhile, are calmly playing checkers and drinking non-alcoholic margaritas.

OP I’m sorry but the last sentence painted SUCH a vivid picture in my mind I had to draw it immediately.

I love how Stitch looks more like a stuffed animal then Hobbes does.

This is perfect.

Hob "I worked in the printing industry since its conception, and I keep rare bible misprints for sentimental value" Gadling

vs

Aziraphale "That Mr. Gadling better stop hoarding the Rarest Bible Misprints to himself or so Help Me God" Fell

Hob in Fell's book shop looking at the rare misprints: Oh God, how did he get that one? I was so hungover that day it's embarrassing.

Healthy relationships are clearly better in real-life but fucked-up ones are way more dramatically interesting in fiction. In much the same way–indeed, in exactly the same way–that feudal monarchy is a hell of a lot of fun in fantasy and historical fiction novels, but complete shit to actually live under.

Feudal monarchy is so hilarious because it’s just like: “What if we based our entire sociopolitical structure on fucked-up family dynamics?”

not just *feudal* monarchy!

I hate that i dont even have to think to get this refrence i just automaticaly know