Aremo Shitai Koremo Shitai Onna no Ko ni Mietatte

personally I like to think steve’s birthday isn’t actually July 4th but someone asked him when his birthday was when he was doing his little show tour thingy and he just said it as an accident and/or a panic response in a bid to seem even more patriotic and everyone believed him and now it’s like 100 years later and he’s too deep in the lie to back out now bc he knows all the avenger’s would fucking publicly roast him if he admitted july 4th wasn’t actually his birthday- like he would literally never live that down- so he lives his life in fear that some bitch ass historian is gonna find his birth certificate and expose him 

avengers: happy birthday, steve!

bucky, eyes narrowing: what the fuck your birthday isn’t until-

steve, holding back tears: shut up

Bucky tries to hand him a birthday card one cold December day, and Steve tackles him out a window before anyone else can see what he’s holding

Bruce: What was that crashing noise?

Tony, fiddling with something: Barnes just got tackled by Cap, because today is his actual birthday.

Bruce: How do you know?

Tony: My dad remembered it more than mine

Bruce: but you and Barnes threw him a huge party on the 4th of July this year.

Tony: Yeah, seeing him squirm about lying to the public is the best part of our country’s birthday.

d’you think the avengers ever play a game where they try to push steve’s buttons and get him all riled up and patriotic?

tony casually throws it into a conversation like “oh yeah I don’t vote” and steve trails off mid-sentence and gapes for a second before he starts in on the importance of the democratic process and how dangerous it can be if citizens give up their say in how the government is run and tony is trying so so hard to keep a straight face

meanwhile bruce is standing in the background timing the speech with his watch because whoever gets the longest rant wins a little trophy that tony made. the current holder of the trophy is clint who managed to convince steve that he doesn’t pay taxes

Natasha steals it by saying “Immigrants need to go back home they’re stealing jobs.” Steve rants from sun up to sun down. Natasha livestreams it for charity.

It’s either that or he just stares at her for like an hour before saying ‘you’re RUSSIAN’

After Natasha's attempt Steve catches on to the game and starts deliberately fucking with them by suddenly launching into hour-long rants on something they actually weren't trying to get them to and barely dropping a word at what they counted on as a hot topic

Natasha catches on that he caught on first and together they hatch a strategic plan on how to make it as inconspicious and at the same time mind-boggling as possible

others catch on one by one. Tony stays unaware the last, as everyone else maintains this conspiracy to keep him in the dark and convinced that Steve is still genuine

The Costume Evolution Of Captain America.

Okay so the Exoskeleton of yesteryear 1995 kills me, but nothing tops Nomad, not now, not ever. He looks like he just stepped out of Saturday Night Fever. Gee, if they hadn’t put that that look premiered in the 70’s, I would have never guessed. ;)

The only thing that makes the Nomad costume better is knowing that Steve designed the costume himself.  *snerk*

I never knew I wanted this. Click picture for source!

@lilietsblog @irrelevanttagger @maruclydeballad GUYS GUYS LOOK AT THIS PERFECTION

I love how this and other such magical girl transformation fanart always copies/references specifically Sailor Moon season 1

they just got it right

(am i throwing shade on sailor moon crystal yeah im throwing shade on sailor moon crystal)

Ok so we all know that the answer to “Where did Captain America learn to steal a car?” is “Nazi Germany” but I think the more pressing question here is when the fuck did this complete maniac get a driver’s license Because ok, Mighty Mouse 1.0 is too poor to own a car, too short to reach the pedals, has vision problems, and is a goddamn New Yorker in the motherfucking 1930s, why on earth would he ever have learned to drive? So this little bastard can’t even tell the gas from the brakes, he gets all beefified, he goes on tour with the USO. Unless one of the showgirls coached him through stalling out a car all over some Hollywood back lot, he still can’t drive. He goes to Europe. At some point, some genius looks at him and thinks “this strapping specimen of American hunkhood obviously knows his way around a vehicle, let’s give him a motorcycle,” and Steve “no parachute” Rogers is like “how hard could this be?” and promptly wraps himself around approximately eight trees at the same time. So then he’s kickin’ ass, fightin’ Hydra, and it’s just months of Bucky being like “give me the goddamn keys, Steven,” and Dum Dum and Morita endlessly encouraging his fucking insane Fury Road bullshit, like the Howling Commandos just use “grenade” as code for “Rogers” when they’re reporting why yet another truck has been destroyed beyond recognition. Yes, sir, another grenade, I agree, sir, it’s very odd that we keep losing vehicles in the same way, that’s the third this month alone So then he’s in the future and SHIELD is sorting his shit out, and they’re not going to force Captain goddamn America to wait in line at the DMV, they’re all in complete awe in him and they’ve seen the old reels of him on his bike, so when they issue him his driver’s license without any type of road test they go ahead and give him a motorcycle license too

and steve is like …neat.

Ok so then Bucky is back, shit is settled down, everyone’s heading somewhere and Steve gets in the driver’s seat and Buck’s like WHOA WHOA WHOA are you people out of your goddamn minds?! Why is Steve driving, is this some kind of mission, are we heading into a combat zone, is the plan for the vehicle to get blown up?? GIVE ME THE GODDAMN KEYS STEVEN And Sam is all “what are you talking about, Steve’s a great driver, I saw him jump his bike over a car once” And Buck is all “yes but have you seen him use a turn signal?” And Steve’s like, “Listen, we never needed to ‘signal’ our ‘turns’ in Nazi Germany.” And after that Bucky always drives. Fin.

[bucky, softly but with alot of feeling]: steve, what the fuck

do you ever think about how perfectly steve, bucky, and sam typify the 3 big wars america’s fought in over the past century?

steve is the soldier who fought in world war 2. he’s the tail end of the glory and honor of war. his reasons for fighting are clear cut, moral, as far as he can tell. but the weapons used are too deadly, too fatal for glory and honor, really. there’s the attempt to treat enemy combatants with respect, with honor, all while killing them quick than has ever been possible before. there’s the unease of the shift from the old style of fighting to the new. there’s the tiredness that only comes from a second global war in only two decades. there’s the closure that comes from unprecedented total destruction. the thought of “maybe now we can go home. maybe now we can build lives like our parents, those of us that are left.”

bucky is the soldier who fought in vietnam. he’s the one that couldn’t dodge the draft, that couldn’t evade the fight no matter how hard he tried. he’s the one who followed the orders he had to, and rebelled against all the others. his uniform was askew, more civvies than not. he didn’t look a soldier, and he didn’t fight like one either. he didn’t know why he was fighting, who he was fighting. he saw too many innocents die by the hands of his comrades, of himself. he felt agent orange burn his lungs, saw orphans crying in the streets. he came home, the rat-a-tat of machine guns echoing in his ears, always. he disembarked a plane, and was spat on by anti-war protesters. he couldn’t even be angry– he agreed with them. he participated in the winter soldier investigations, confessed what he’d been forced to do, and that almost abated the weight on his shoulders. almost.

sam is the soldier who fought in afghanistan. the modern soldier, with just as much shit as the rest of them. the difference is, where steve was greeted with celebrations and bucky was greeted with vitriol, sam is overlooked, forgotten. he suffers in silence, expected to endure without protest. sam copes, but not all vets are able to do the same. afghan war vets are the ones who take their own lives in droves, the unacknowledged, unknown aftershocks from an invasion founded on half-formed ambitions from men in suits who’d never have to bear the real burden. sam is the modern day vet, unknown, unseen, unthanked.

No wonder they’re all Captain America

I gotta have some of that.

Psst in other words Thor thinks that Steve isn’t mortal.

okay but can we talk about this for a sec? like looking at the serum, and what it does. it keeps steve’s cells in peak condition, and you know what happens when cells age? their function declines, they stop working as they should. so the serum would see that as a problem, and fix it.

so, theoretically, the serum stops steve’s cells from ageing. potentially stopping their replication completely unless it was needed to heal him (if the cells aren’t dying naturally, there’s no reason for them to replicate)

so wouldn’t that mean, therefore, that steve himself doesn’t physically age? his cells don’t decline, he doesn’t decline (in addition to the convo about whether or not steve’s hair grows, for a similar reason) 

and then, take thor. thor the god, who knows so much that he doesn’t tell anyone. if anyone knew about this, thor would.

and the way he says it so offhandedly, he assumes steve knows it. but the way steve looks at him, either steve doesn’t know (or hasn’t realised) or does know and doesn’t want to be reminded about it

because an immortal surrounding themselves with mortals isn’t really a good idea if you want to keep yourself sane

Steve’s comments about being a science experiment and whether they really are all monsters take on a lot of meaning if you think he knows this about himself (and maybe about Bucky, too, if that applies to him as well). 

you know, when Steve introduces himself in TWS, Sam laughs and says “I’d put that together.” which makes sense because no normal human can run like that.

but like WHEN did he put it together? how many laps did it take before it dawned on him? at what point did Sam Wilson suddenly realize that he was being TROLLED BY CAPTAIN AMERICA

Did they ever reveal how Captain America was thawed? Because I’m picturing a bunch of Shield agents with hair dryers and I don’t think that’s quite right.

I don’t think they’d want to microwave him so hair dryer is really the only remaining option. That’s how I’d do it.

badscienceshenanigans

Do you have a sciency way to accomplish this task?

Well, let’s see.  To thaw a 1.5 metric ton colossal squid frozen in a block of ice (the only way the fishermen who trawled the thing in could bring it home before it went bad), scientists put it in a big vat of brine just above 0 Celsius/32F. That allowed the fresh water to melt while still keeping the squid as cold as possible. Essential, since for a giant corpse with tentacles, certain parts are bound to thaw days before others and could become quite rotten before the rest comes out of the ice block if you’re not careful.  HOWEVER Captain America was still alive, which complicates things. On the other hand, even supersoldiers are significantly smaller than this record-setting colossal squid. This helps thaw logistics somewhat. Much like the squid, Captain America would have to be kept at a consistent temperature throughout his body in order to be thawed successfully. If his extremities were to thaw more than a minute or two before his heart and lungs were thawed and reactivated, the tissue wouldn’t have any oxygen and would quickly die. What a shame to bring back Steve Rogers only to have him be the poster boy for gangrene. Brain tissue becoming metabolically active before the cardiovascular system began functioning would be even more disastrous— possible permanent brain damage.  And the GH-325 project was born To keep his temperature as equal as possible across his entire body, something like the squid brine or (more likely) an antifreeze solution would be used. Immerse the Capsicle in brine until the entire unit is within a degree or two of thawing* to begin Phase II. *Note that due to presence of salts, fats, protein, etc, the freezing point of meat is actually 28-29F. Apologies to non-US readers, sadly I only work with American meat and don’t know the freezing point of corpses/beef in Sane Country Units. That being said, Steve Rogers is 100% American meat. Fahrenheit shall be considered the appropriate unit for this project.  At the thawing point, it’s important to consider life support functions. I don’t know how fast human tissue uses up oxygen at refrigerator-range temperatures, but I’m going to assume that the sooner you have oxygen circulating the better. A heart-lung machine would be needed to oxygenate and move the blood around for a while before the heart gets started back up.  Meanwhile, because Captain America’s last un-frozen moments were spent deep underwater, there may be decompression issues at play. Whatever gas bubbles may have been present in his tissue are currently frozen in place, but when he thaws they can move about and create embolisms —> the bends. Better put him in a hyperbaric chamber just in case.  Since Captain America regained consciousness in a recovery room rather than during the thaw process, it may be safe to assume that he was sedated and/or placed in a drug-induced coma during thaw.  So at this point we’ve got a giant bathtub of brine, a heart-lung machine, oxygen canisters, lots of drugs, plus all the necessary monitoring equipment all inside a hyperbaric chamber. After thawing the antifreeze bath could be replaced with gradually warming water or saline solution in order to bring Captain America back up to normal body temperature. So many machines! This is US medicine at its finest. Forced warm air blowers (hairdryers) are needed after Captain America is fully thawed, organ systems are reactivated, and he is brought back to normal body temperature. At this point it becomes necessary to dry and style Captain America and put him in period-appropriate jammies to sleep it off in a vintage hospital room. If you think hearing the wrong baseball game tipped him off fast, you should see him wake up with bad hair. 

THIS IS THE BEST POST IN THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHING.

That being said, Steve Rogers is 100% American meat. Fahrenheit shall be considered the appropriate unit for this project. 

it got better

What’s interesting about good and moral people is that they actually have to try and function in a word that isn’t. And the older you get, the more interesting that becomes. Because it’s also the hardest thing to do in the world. (x) (x)

#yes #yes this so very much #it’s easy to be an asshole in a world full of assholes #especially when you have/had a shit life and have/had some nasty shit happened to you #but to still be kind #not to waver #to stay who you are #is a very hard thing to do #it’s easy to love #and it’s easy to hate #but it takes strength to be gentle and kind #and this is why every single superhero in the marvel universe looks up to steve #clint said it himself #steve brings out the best out of people #when you’re around steve you want to do what’s right because of the sheer power of steve’s goodness #oh god  #steve i love you so much it actually pains me please send help

And this is why I love Steve Rogers and I refuse to buy into this crap that “writing Good Guys is boring” and “let’s grim him up a bit, make him more into Grim Brooding Dark Superhero Name Here, that’ll be interesting.” 

Writing Good Guys is never boring. 

The ridiculous thing about Steve Rogers is that he is everything that is brave, earnest and true.  And no, he’s not perfect, he’s not a saint, he’s sassy and snarky and occasionally trips face first into the Land of Adorkable. (All right, maybe not occasionally.  Maybe all the flippin’ time.)  But good is awesome.  Good rocks.  Good doesn’t mean soft and weak and boring.  

Doing the Right Thing is hard and it hurts like a sumbitch at times and you’ll get crap thrown at you every which way but Steve Rogers keeps going and somehow manages to stay kind and still be this sweetheart, despite everything else that would’ve broken other people long ago.  

Somehow you read about Steve being playful and pretending that he doesn’t understand modern technology but is probably the biggest techie geek there is.  You read about Steve saving puppies and kittens and telling a wide-eyed six year old girl that she can be Captain America when she grows up if she wants to be.  You read about Steve charming little old ladies and respecting the hell out of women in general and you can bet your ass he’s not some chauvinistic asshole with entitlement issues.  You read about skinny Steve and you realize Captain America’s always been in him, even when he didn’t have the strength to match that superhero heart of his.  You read about Steve trolling the hell out of his teammates and Tony goes “SON OF A BITCH WHO KNEW?!” and Clint cackles over and over because this is rich, this is awesome, Captain America’s a little trolling shit and PHIL DID YOU SEE THAT?

And Bucky would’ve told him, Steve’s always been a punk, didn’t you fellas know that?

And the Howling Commandos would’ve had some stories about their crazy C.O. and the shenanigans he came up with and that Steve ran a mixed-race unit with a couple of soldiers from not even in the US ARMY and took no guff from anyone who complained about that. 

And Natasha doesn’t ever get disappointed in this good man, when she’s been disappointed by so many so called “good men” and she starts to believe.

And that’s the Steve Rogers story I’ll never get tired of reading.  Or writing. 

Fuck boring.  Steve Rogers will never be boring.  He’s my hero too. 

Did I reblog this already? I don’t care because IT GOT BETTER.

“Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.”

― Simone Weil

This is a very important post. I don't watch / read superhero works, to be honest. The genre convention ignores a lot of stuff I like discussed and examined, and necessitates focusing on stuff I find boring. Oh, and that's not even mentioning the sexist problems. But I WANT. I keep longing for superhero works that do not bore me soon and that are good and do not repulse me. Because at the core of the genre is this. Good is not boring. Good is Good. It's a genre about people who will stand against the evil even when they have to stand alone and sacrifice all they have except their principles. It's a genre where being willing to devote all your life to selflessly helping other people doesn't make you special, it lets you join a vast crowd. I want that genre. I want that convention. I want that. I want Good heroes who have Good hearts. I want brooding antiheroes who are actually straight-up good guys who have been forced to hide it to not have it broken. I want Chaotic Good Vetinari eternally clashing with Lawful Good Vimes yet still ultimately seeing eye to eye with him. I want Vriska to keep throwing herself against a brick wall of not knowing what to do to help, to one day shatter it and find herself able to make a difference in the direction she wants and not the exact opposite. I want Vash the Stampede to keep getting hurt in the process of not letting anyone die around him, not even the bad guys, and ignoring the pain because it's better than having someone die on you and isn't realy such a big deal. I want Xelloss to constantly do nice little things in a way that does not let anybody notice that he's something other than a generic evil manipulative monster but makes the world around him slightly kinder than it would have been otherwise. I want Agatha Heterodyne running towards screaming instead of away from it without considering who is screaming and whether they had wanted her dead a minute before, Gilgamesh Wolfenbach making a point of saving a little fish in an aquarium when a bomb is thrown at him and Tarvek not being able to go past someone about to die even if it makes him all that much more likely to. I want all that. And however disinterested I am in all Marvel/DC works, every time Avengers posts cross my dash, it makes me a little bit happy