Aremo Shitai Koremo Shitai Onna no Ko ni Mietatte

Hob "I worked in the printing industry since its conception, and I keep rare bible misprints for sentimental value" Gadling

vs

Aziraphale "That Mr. Gadling better stop hoarding the Rarest Bible Misprints to himself or so Help Me God" Fell

Hob in Fell's book shop looking at the rare misprints: Oh God, how did he get that one? I was so hungover that day it's embarrassing.

Dream + Hob - The Sandman

I feel like there's an entire scale you could do for Hob/Dream fics just based on, "How much of a complete asshole is Dream in this fic?" from a scale of, "Post-fishbowl prison soft boi who has learned his lesson and would like to now act on the crush he's had on Hob Gadling for the last 600+ years (if they haven't been secretly dating already)" to "Absolute flaming dick who actively delighted in tormenting Hob and was a massive wanker to literally everyone in his life, seriously, you cannot push this guy into the fishbowl fast enough so he can learn some fucking manners, finally comes around to Hob (who literally does nothing to Dream except offer his fucking friendship) and realizes he might actually like this guy/has been lusting after him for centuries."

There's also a Y axis of "How functional is Dream in normal life?" which ranges from "He holds the entire human subconscious in his brain, thereofore he knows perfectly well how everything works, he's just reserved, and he and Hob navigate an otherwise regular human relationship within normal parameters (plus some magic) once they acknowledge their feelings" all the way to "Eldritch Horror Dream/King of Dreams and Nightmares contains the entire subconscious in his brain so he is very abnormal, he's not human and he doesn't understand a lot of social interactions, his dream responsibilities are very real and pressing and they make him completely otherworldly, which Hob forgives because he is very very into this weirdness."

The saddest part of dream not making it to the 1989 meeting is that we don’t get to see his 80’s edition of period accurate goth outfit imagine seeing nice put together business man Hob Gadling having lunch with this guy in full tradgoth attire and everyone around them just has to act like it’s normal

good news OP! the comics ran in 1989 and Dream DID make it to the meeting back there and it looked like this:

Well he is not entirely wrong…

It took me FOREVER to realize that the placement of Hob Gadling’s tale at the center of The Doll’s House was deliberate and important to the theme.

you're a medieval peasant out with the lads for a pint, talking shit about how you're never gonna die (as you do) when you get approached by a skinny weirdo who tells you "alright bet see you here in 100 years then" and then fucks off until it's actually been? A 100 years? And you aren't dead? So you go back to the tavern and the weirdo is there and tells you "yeah you can live as long as you want, just meet me for dinner once a century and tell me how things are going" so you just...do that. And the next time you see the stranger, who you're beginning to suspect doesn't own clothes in colors that aren't black or darker black, he fucking abandons you to talk to some shit maudlin playwright EVEN THOUGH you just met the queen and have clearly prepared a king's feast for the both of you and then it's a 100 years again and the shit playwright's works are suddenly good and being talked about everywhere and you're getting attacked by a crazy lady but somehow the stranger makes her see ghosts with a handful of sand? And flirts with you (you're pretty sure) so the next time you see him you're like "ah okay we're friends now right?" and for absolutely no reason this offends the fuck out of the stranger, who marches out onto the street like it's a runway for Lonely Brooding so you figure he'll cool off in a 100 years but he doesn't show so you spend an evening getting absolutely smashed wondering what the last 600 years of your life even were and then it's a 130 years later and your goth asshole is standing in front of you smiling and calling you his friend. You smile back. He sits down and you start to chat. You still don't know this guy's fucking name.

#hob is just here for the ride#everyone is screaming and hob just has his hands up having a goddamn ball#the appeal of hob gadling is he is somehow the most normal person and yet is also completely unhinged 

so true bestie <3

Unfortunately now I'm imagining a version of events in which Dream, touch-starved after Events but also too stubborn and prideful to actually admit this to anyone who knows him and additionally too (understandably) distrustful of anyone who doesn't hits on the perfect solution: what if stray cat who just happens to hang around the New Inn?

Then pets? Cuddles for Dream? Yes perfect nothing could EVER go wrong with this completely normal way of acquiring physical affection.

So now Hob has this actually shockingly affectionate cat who turns up every now and again and naps in his lap in the bar and then disappears for a handful of days or a week but keeps coming back. It sits with its little chin resting on his thigh and purrs softly while he pets it. It bit someone who was flirting with him and Hob still isn't sure why he took the cat's side in that but it's never bitten *him* so. That guy was probably a cock anyway.

Unfortunately the plan that could never go wrong has now gone horribly wrong for Dream because all he can think about is Hob touching him with such easy affection.

Which means he can either a) be Hob's unnaturally long-lived cat forever or b) confess

Anyway that's how Hob ends up with a two hundred year old cat.

sorry i missed our sixth centennial meet-up because i was trapped in a glass ball in some old guy’s house and you thought it was because i still held a grudge against you because last time we met up you said we were friends and i got insecure about it, do you still think im hot?

Listen, I know Dream winning his duel with Lucifer with hope is like... A BIG DEAL and super symbolic and beautiful, HOWEVER I have something that may not be better, but would definitely be FUNNIER. 

Dream loses. He's been locked in a bubble and had his hopes dashed again and again, even though he's still fighting and still hopeful, it's harder for him to reach that and it doesn't come to mind in time for him to win against Lucifer. He's to stay as a servant in Hell and there's no Endless or divine being that can or will come to his aid. He's trapped. Again. 

Only Matthew isn't Jessamy, Matthew knows when the best way to help is a tactical retreat to gather reinforcements. So that's what he does, going immediately to Luciene like, "Hey, so, uh..." And there has to be some way they can help him! Luciene makes it clear that none of the dreaming denizens can. None of the Endless can, no deity would be of any help there against Lucifer. There are Old Laws dictating that Dream lost fair and square and no one can interfere with that. And Matthew's like, "Well what about someone who can challenge Lucifer to win him back? Someone not bound by the Old Laws?" 

"The only beings not bound by the Old Laws are humans. There's no human--" 

Except there is. There's one. One human that Dream would go off once a century to meet, and it's a long shot, but-- 

That's how Hob Gadling finds himself being approached by a talking raven asking him to trek into hell to rescue his boss. "You know, Dream of the Endless? Lord Morpheus?" 

Hob doesn't know who the hell the bird is talking about until Matthew describes him. "Oh, my Stranger!"

"...He seriously didn't even tell you his name?" 

Now, the idea of setting foot into Hell itself to do battle with Lucifer Morningstar is, y'know... Not something he wants to do. He confirms over and over if Matthew is SURE he doesn't have to die to achieve this, because he's not ready to leave yet, and Matthew is like, "Yeah, buddy, shouldn't be a problem." He's lying. He has no idea if it's a problem. (It's not.) 

Hob is like, "Yeah, but... I can't FIGHT Satan himself and expect to win, I AM still human." 

And Matthew's like, "You don't actually have to fight her, it's like a game! But uh... Pretty sure you still feel all the pain and stuff." And he explains the rules, and like, okay, feeling the painful death of whatever kills whatever you decide to be in your round SUCKS, but Hob's been through that before. It's actually a pretty intriguing game, one he thinks he might win. 

See, the way he sees it, it's a combination of the "times infinity" type of game (I love you, I love you more, I love you times two, I love you times a thousand, I love you times a million-- so on and so on) with that counting game where you either say one or two numbers, back and forth with someone, and whoever says 21 loses. Basically, there's one logical conclusion the game is going to reach. Someone is going to bust out the "times infinity" or in this case, "heat death of the universe" or some other completely life-ending thing. And like with the counting game, if you can get your opponent to say specific numbers on the way to 21, you can make sure they're forced to say it. 

There's a strategy if you think ahead enough, and he has an entire walk through Hell to plan it. 

(It SUCKS. He sees Robyn there. It breaks his heart. It's meant to, it's meant to keep him from reaching the palace, seeing his son in Hell, but they don't know Hob. They don't know the grief he's had to overcome in order for him to say, with absolute certainty, that he still wants to live even though it hurts. He reaches that citadel.)

Dream is, of course, horrified to see Hob there. Hob meanwhile is like a jilted exe all, "Yeah, yeah, we're not friends, you stood me up, but I'm still here for you because I'm the bigger person and I fucking care." 

He challenges Lucifer for Dream's helm and their safe passage out of Hell. Lucifer is... Intrigued. She just beat Dream of the Endless, and this human thinks he can beat her when humanity's collective unconsciousness couldn't? His immortality has made him cocky, clearly. So she accepts, and bargains that if Hob loses, he has to give up his immortality. 

There's a good minute where Hob pauses at that and has to really think about whether his arrogant, condescending not-friend is really worth that but yeah, yeah he is. Meanwhile Dream is off to the side. "Don't do this, Hob Gadling. It is not your responsibility to fix my missteps." Basically his version of pleading for Hob to leave and not risk this up until Lucifer is like enough out of you and shuts him up. 

They play. Lucifer starts out with the wolf again, because it's a good starting point to see what direction her opponent plans to take, to get a glimpse into Hob's mindset entering this game. Her plan is, of course, to cause pain enough that Hob will have a hard time thinking, but Hob makes that really fucking hard from the get-go and throws everyone in the room for a loop when his answer is...

"I am the over hunting of the local deer population. Ecosystem destabilizing, predator killing."

Well. Okay. Yeah, sure. Fucking fine. It's hard to kill that painfully. Lucifer manages to come up with, "I am hunting restrictions, nature preserving, ecosystem balancing." 

Hob, by that point, is like, I got this, actually. This might be fun. "I am the expansion of civilization. Forest destroying, hunting law nullifying." 

Matthew, who had been feeling pretty iffy about calling this guy in to help, is no longer questioning that choice. Dream is a little starry-eyed. 

Eventually Hob is the head of the Home Owner's Association. Lucifer is a bear, scrap hunting, person killing. Hob is family, revenge-seeking, bear euthanizing. Lucifer is Pride, argument starter, family destroying. Hob is friendship, blood covenant, thicker than womb water. Lucifer is jealousy, friendship rending, relationship ruining. Hob is personal growth, jealousy ending, apology giving. Lucifer is relapse, progress destroying, confidence killing. Hob is perseverance, step taking, progress rebuilding. On and on until finally Lucifer decides to end this the way she did with Dream and Hob leads her along until it reaches that natural conclusion, the death of all. 

Now there's some temptation there to go with the obvious, since he can't die even if the universe was destroyed. At least he doesn't think so. But he had already decided that it was an obvious choice to go for and he could think of a few clever ways Lucifer might get around that. So instead, Hob goes the far better choice and personal insult of being God, universe creator, life giver. He's very proud of himself when the demons erupt into boos and Lucifer looks about ready to rip his fucking throat out with her teeth. 

The way he sees it, there are two choices for her there, unless she really pulls something unexpected out of her ass. Option one is the whole "what's a god to an atheist" thing in which Hob would have then been a miracle, faith affirming, god-proving. Not much can destroy a miracle. 

But Lucifer, livid and prideful, goes with option two. "I am Lucifer Morningstar, God defying, His Kingdom ripped sunder!" 

And Hob has the absolute glee to grin and go, "I am Hob Gadling, clever, death defying, and triumphant over Lucifer Morningstar."

He and Dream are promptly kicked out of Hell on their asses, Dream's helm is thrown at his head with a force strong enough to break the sound barrier, and the gates are slammed shut behind them. The whole thing is so humiliating that Lucifer has to change their gender and moves to LA to open a nightclub.

0.6 seconds after hob told dream he was married dream stood up and found himself the nearest possible twink to make hob jealous. that was IN this tv show.

So i saw this post by @avelera (if i had a nickel for every time they’ve inspired a post, i’d have two nickels which….funnily enough is the exact amount that meme requires) and i CANNOT stop thinking about Hob’s first century as an immortal.

I mean surely he thought it was all in jest- his mates were having a right crack of it for the rest of the night, and Hob knew it well himself that no man escapes death; he would fight to live as long as he could in this world, experience everything he could, and when his time came he would simply find adventure elsewhere. Hob couldn’t have seriously believed Dream; he was just a nobleman with an odd sense of humour. And so what if he knew Hob’s name? Everyone in this pub knew his name, much like he did theirs, so he probably just asked.

I wonder if it remained a bit of an inside joke between Hob and his friends- when he gets injured in a fight and is laid up in bed, one of his friends says “You can’t die, remember? Got that meeting with some posh prick in 1489, what good’ll you be dead” and Hob sees it for what it is (a distraction) and plays along with a grin. Anytime he joins a new battle, its “Do prior engagements mean nothing to you, Robert Gadling?“ As said by his mate with a ridiculous put-on posh accent, “Your good man’ll be right cross when you ditch him in 1489 cause you got killed fighting for this bastard”. When Hob gets hit, its “I’ll be meeting him in 1489 at this rate! To tell him you got fucking done in, you knob-”

It might have been fun, at first. But as Hob’s friends started dropping dead around him- war, disease, killed in the streets for some gold- i think it stopped being a joke. Because now Hob was walking away from fights no else did. Now he was recovering from diseases within the week, where others were still thrashing in its grasp or going cold and still in the night. Its not enough to make him question his mortality, but it is enough to make him think he’s unnaturally lucky. Maybe he’s done something to please the gods recently, or maybe fortune was smiling down upon him for once. He could not bear it all with good-nature, because despite how fortune or luck or even the gods themselves seemed to look favourably upon him, their grace did not extend to his friends and he is still conscious of their loss.

But Hob Gadling appears to be one lucky bastard, and that’s that.

…until it isn’t.

Maybe Hob accidentally builds up a local reputation about being a reliable soldier- no matter who it is, or how many of them there are, Hob survives. I think maybe he’s died a few times by now, but he doesn’t know that- his throat was slashed by an enemy sword, and he died right there on the battlefield the moment his knees hit the dirt, but the fight lasted so long that by the time Hob woke up, gasping and grasping at his blood-covered neck, the gash which had nearly beheaded him was instead a shallow but still bleeding wound. Later he would settle on the idea that the cut hadn’t been as bad as he thought it was- why he passed out from such a wound is beyond him, but maybe it was from shock, he heard that it did that to people sometimes. Someone trying to slit your throat is different to someone slicing your arm, so even though hes still unsettled by it and sure that the wound was worse…he can’t argue with the actual wound on his body, which points to the contrary. This is probably not the first and definitely not the last time Hob dies.

So yeah, maybe he accidentally builds up a local reputation about being a reliable fighter because he simply can’t stop surviving. And its not that hes unharmed- he gets stabbed, sliced, beaten, etc. He can be out of it for days depending on the severity of his wounds or illness, but he always gets back up. And maybe eventually, as most stories go involving ageless immortals, people go from being surprised by his abilities and age, to suspicious. Hob himself took passing note of it a while ago- he thought his hair would long since be grey by now, or at least most of it would, but it isn’t. When he goes for a drink with the remaining friends he has, he notices that his hands aren’t wrinkled like theirs. Hobs hands are calloused and rough, yes, but not aged like they ought to be. He thinks its strange, of course he does, but soon he’s too smashed to think of it anymore.

How many comments does it take about his age before Hob starts to close himself off? How many times must surprise turn to suspicion, because Hob says hes in his 50′s but he still looks like he’s in his mid 30′s? How many years does it take before Hob hastily fakes his first death/disappearance, because now the people he grew up with are intensely aware of how young Hob looks compared to them- its unnatural, unusual, and for a medieval peasant, probably has something to do with the devil. And i think it would be different to the witch trials Hob would later experience in the 17th century, where the whole town was after him because he became ‘complacent’- this isnt Hob being complacent, this is Hob freaking the fuck out. This is Hob not knowing how to deal with the fact that he’s not aging like he should be- of course he thinks its fucking weird (great, but weird), of course he thinks its fucking CRAZY that hes been in so many battles, been wounded and sick so many times, and yet has always come out the other side. Of course he thinks its fucking strange but he doesn’t know whats going on so he’s just..he’s just going to keep going, because what else can he do? and it isn’t until things get a little too heated that Hob turns tail and ditches town with a half formed plan and the cover of darkness.

I wonder how long it takes him to come to terms with his immortality- does he throw himself into more dangerous situations with an “Either i’m right or it wont matter cause ill be dead” attitude? Is he seriously fucking spooked by it for a few years before the dawning realisation of lifes now limitless possibilities hits him? Does Hob think of that noble stranger in 1389 often, at first with mirth and amusement because that tosser knew exactly what he was saying when he said they’d meet again in 100 years; and then does Hob think of it with growing worry and stress, because…what exactly did he give up for this power? what has he yet to give up for it? Maybe his town was right- he’d heard the whispers, part of why he hauled ass to get out of there- maybe he had made a deal with the devil, or a demon. Perhaps, when Hob is more hopeful, he prays he struck a deal with a saint or an angel.

Dream is neither of those things, but medieval peasant Hob doesn’t know that.

Anyway. Yeah I’m having thoughts about what it must have been like for one Hob Gadling to discover his immortality. I mean, using the show as a frame of reference, Hobs taken to it pretty well- in avelera’s original post we know, and can discuss, the fact that Hob seems weary at their first centennial meeting in 1489. He doesn’t know what this stranger wants from him, doesn’t know if he unwittingly agreed to a deal back in 1389 that he now has to make good on. But when Dream tells him that he simply wants to hear of his life, wants to hear what its like being a mortal-turned-immortal in a world Dream so clearly (at the time) holds little regard for…Hob is just Hob about it all. Dream thinks he’s going to say something profound, or wish for death, but instead my man started going on about how great chimneys and card games are. It makes me even more interested in what it must have been like for him to discover his gift- the highs of being able to live life freely, of realising that should that stranger be merciful and grant him more time on earth, he could experience everything under the sun for decades- Hob seems so innately positive, i mean his whole thing is that there’s always more to do and always greener grass to chase. This must be such a contrast to the lows of watching your friends and family die when you don’t, to being watched by your own town for a deal you now realise may not have been in jest at all, to stressing about what exactly you will be asked to give in 1489.

Im. Having thoughts.

God, someone needs to gif the exact millisecond Hob looks up and sees Dream for the first time in 1389 (there's even a note in the soundtrack like a pin dropping) because you can barely see it with his friend's back blocking a lot of the shot but Ferdinand Kinglsey does the absolute best "First time laying eyes on your soulmate" face I think I've ever seen

In the spirit of a quick "Hob Gadling microexpressions" liveblog, it's no wonder people read Hob's reaction to "Because I'm interested," in 1489 as assuming Dream's propositioning him sexually. The little motion Hob does, pulling his shoulders inward as if shielding himself, almost as if pulling a cloak more tightly around his shoulders absolutely to my eyes reads as the reaction of someone who was just told that if they really want to get this role in the movie, they're going to have to sleep with the casting director. Like that as a nobleman or otherwise powerful being and the person who gave Hob immortality, it seems entirely plausible to Hob that Dream at this moment would lay some kind of claim on his body in recompense, it's a very sexually vulnerable microexpression on Hob's face like he expects this but he is frightened of it too.

It probably doesn't help that Dream's voice makes everything sound vaguely seductive so being "interested" in Hob sounds extremely explicit. In fact, when Dream redirects Hob's expectations, telling him nothing is owed except for Hob to "tell him what it's like" you can see Hob needing to recalculate. He is more comfortable now that the request doesn't appear to be a physical one (or for his soul) but you can tell for a moment there at the beginning he really had no idea what the price was going to be for immortality and he was prepared for some absolutely horrific possibilities.

Actually, final note on 1489 but I was thinking about how confident Hob is in 1389 compared to how nervous he is in 1489 and I can't help but think of how nervewracking the last 100 years must have been for Hob. He's had no answers as to why he's suddenly immortal, it would have been years before he realized he wasn't aging (not a lot of good mirrors back then!) and perhaps that injuries don't stick around for long. All he's got is a conversation with a kind of sexy weirdo in a tavern that doesn't even last a minute and that any reasonable person would assume is a joke. I mean, he rightfully asks if this is all some kind of game and IMO, Dream lies when he says it isn't, unless he's splitting hairs because it's a wager not a game, or the game is with Death not with Hob, who is the object of the game.

So then Hob's got 100 years of trying to figure out, on his own, wtf happened. Assuming he made a bargain with the Devil is, for his time and background, absolutely the most reasonable explanation! Poor man must have worried himself down to the bone in the lead up to their 100 year reunion wondering if there would be anyone there waiting with answers, wondering what happened to him, why he's outliving everyone he knows. No wonder he's so confident in 1589 when he's finally got some reassurance that all he has to do is report back to Dream what all of this living forever business is like and that he's started thinking of Dream as a friend and benefactor instead of, as he surely would have between 1389 and 1489, as potentially the destroyer of Hob's hope for salvation or some horrible punishment waiting around the corner at his centennial to otherwise demand something horrible of him in return that he didn't know he'd bargained for. JFC, poor guy!

Ok in the interest of making this systematic, quick glance at 1589 Hob. I've mentioned before that I think Dream is an ass here for being so disdainful of Hob's success, Hob literally pulled himself up from nothing in the last 100 years and it's actually incredibly impressive for his time and place, even if he'd gained that wealth as a multi-generational family instead of as an individual, to have the Queen sleep at his house but THAT ASIDE...

... I think Hob shows a great deal of maturity in the final glimpse we get of him. Dream has clearly crushed Hob's hopes of getting some kind of positive acknowledgment from his benefactor for Hob's accomplishments (I try not to think about whether Hob was able to push himself forward in this past 100 years by looking forward to Dream's reaction, because then I will either cry or find a way to punch Dream). BUT! Hob rallies. He rallies pretty quickly actually, he is nothing if not incredibly resilient, perhaps his actual superpower, because he shrugs off Dream's hurtful apathy and refocuses on living his life for himself. Now, if you ship them, I actually still think this is a really important moment because it shows that Dream is very important to Hob but Hob is not codependent on Dream. He makes the correct choice from that point forward to stop worrying about what Dream thinks about what he does or how he lives his life and just abide by the letter of their agreement: to report back to Dream every century. It sets up his very understandable annoyance in 1789 when Dream suddenly does have an opinion on Hob, deserved as it may be.

Hob: I think you might be lonely

Dream: yOu dArE? I am not fucking lonely you pathetic lowlife human

Hob:

Hob: why are you crying