some very very good vimes facts™ i have picked up while rereading jingo

absentmindedly strikes matches using sgt. detrius, who is made of rock, on multiple occasions
murmurs sarcastic clapbacks under his breath during official city council meetings, while vetinari glares at him. the saltiest bitch in the game
allergic to paperwork, apparently solely because he can’t stand his coworkers spelling and/or punctuation from hell
thinks “so are we gonna have a war or what” is appropriate diplomatic dialogue
literally so noir that he takes extra unofficial patrols to stand in the rain at 3 in the morning and brood
and fucking loves it
honestly doing his best to work against a lifetime of ingrained prejudices. not perfect but t r y i n g
fluent in latatian (discworld latin) or fucking close enough for a guy with presumably no secondary education
doesn’t give a shit about the laws of space and time, just the good old laws of ankh morpork. get that supernatural shit outta here
can toss his sword high enough to spin three times and still catch it by the handle
“a watchman is a civilian you inbred streak of piss”
will only eat food which Sybil has burnt beyond recognition cooked over the flame of a live swamp dragon
so in love with his wife, gets really flustered every time she speaks
a knight, but incredibly embarrassed about it
by the end of this book pretty much the second most powerful man in the city, being a duke in a kingdom with no king, and still really embarrassed about it
ghost rides the whip piloting a boat through a deadly thunderstorm on not one but TWO separate occasions (here and in snuff), still doesn’t know how the fuck boats work
calls the prow of a ship ‘the sharp part’
i can’t let this go by without mentioning this sonofabitch also ARRESTED TWO OPPOSING ARMIES and then his OWN TYRANT in order to stop a war like how incredibly Extra–
fuckin made me cry again guys ive read this book like ten times

i was laughing crying and then you mentioned the part where he arrested vetinari and look nO

vetinari MADE him arrest him. vimes was all like... ????i dont think i can do that???? and then vetinari was like NO I AM ARRESTED NOW YOU HAVE ARRESTED ME and organized all the fucking pr about vimes having arrested him bc hes high key going for fixing ankh-morpork’s bullshit into actual rule of law and vimes is the chosen one for that even if vetinari has to drag him kicking and screaming at some points

vimes was NOT badass enough to arrest vetinari. he arrested two opposing armies and then was like ‘...but i cant arrest YOU’ bc his respect for vetinari transcends time and space actually

listen,,,

#reblog #discworld #sam vimes #havelock vetinari #people get this wrong 9 times out of 10 #but its one of the best vetinari moments i will not have it disrespected #vimes in snuff would have arrested vetinari without a blink #but vimes in jingo needed vetinari to teach him that he can do that #jingo #its the best vetinari book #only comparable to unseen academicals #i love it with all my heart