Someone please draw the color of the sky as a very tall twink.

Oh shit, I'm an artist. Hold up.

Personally, I like his shoe laces. I bet you'd never guess where he got them.

Dunno if anyone’s done this yet but…

i love how this is so uniquely Tumblr™ that no one from any other website would get this.

Im... Im not sorry

I decided to make it worse 

Sexy Leg Einstein Post

Gradient Zone Post

and MishaPocolypse join the group

color theory hospital post

I want you all to know that I despise every single one of you.

Can I interest you in some fine copper ingots

He has survived Plinko Hell and back with a vengeance

Any time I think “welp, my dash is kinda boring this morning,” something like this happens.

now someone do this post

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

I always need this on my blog.

I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning. 

Yes

all goofing aside I genuinely don't understand the urge to reimagine Taylor Allison Swift as a secretly queer icon when the pop music scene(TM) is like. literally overflowing with women who actually like women. Gaga and Kesha and Miley and Halsey are right there. Rina Sawayama and Hayley Kiyoko and Rebecca Black and Kehlani and Victoria Monét and Miya Folick if you're willing to get slightly less top 100. Janelle and Demi for them nonbinary takes on liking girls. like what are we doing here. like I'm not even saying you can't enjoy Taylor but why would you hang all your little gay hopes on her.

Isn’t Lady Gaga bisexual?

yes that is indeed why she's on the list of famous women who like women

why have multiple people reblogged this with some horse-assed "um actually most of these people are bi or pan" did I fucking stutter I said they like girls. what is your point. I'm going to kill you.

#op probably has this post muted but the icon is too real.

the icon is because of this post

POV: you make a good post and then encounter tumblr reading comprehension

btw to just clarify for anyone who sees this reblog of this post

op is basically saying something along the lines of "yea ik taylor swift is bi but like. why is she y'all's only lgbtq+ pop icon when there are all these other lgbtq+ people in the pop scene???"

i might have worded this badly but hopefully i got the main point across

hi op here I certainly did not fucking say Taylor Swift is bi

Op is saying that liking Taylor for being QUEER or Lgbtqia+ is not a bad thing, but to also know she is not the only one.

He did not call anyone in the original post lesbian bi or pan.

He did call two people NB

you have to be fucking with me there's no way

#Op you gonna have to make a graph

on it:

op: carrots are not fruits. raspberries and apples and blueberries and pears and lingonberries are fruits. i’m not saying you can’t enjoy carrots but why would you hang all your fruitsalad hopes on it

idiot 1: aren’t raspberries berries?

op: yes that is indeed why it’s on the list of fruit

op: why have multiple people reblogged this with “umm actually most of these are berries”. did i fucking stutter i said they’re fruits. i’m going to kill you

idiot 2: btw just to clarify op is saying “yeah i know carrots are a fruit but there are other fruits too”

op: where in the sweet mary mother of cunt did i say that carrots were a fruit

idiot 3: op is saying that liking carrots for being fruits isn’t a bad thing, but to also know they are not the only fruit

op:

thanks for making me pink and purple those are two of my favorite colors :3

"Sweet Mary mother of cunt" loool I love that 😆

“meme” is now the generic term for “stuff on the internet” btw. funny comments on Reddit? memes. funny posts on Tumblr? memes. Good tiktoks? oxymoron, but memes. Your great aunt’s anti-vax conspiracy theories on Facebook? memes. The homepage of The New York Times? memes, baby!

[astronauts meme]

“It’s all memes?”

“Always has been”

[AMV] Jon Arbuckle - You’re Gonna Go Far Kid

this is one of my favorite videos on the internet, and it kills me that the source has been silenced by youtube’s copyright system, so I’m putting it here!

I have seen a version of this on tumblr before, but the audio in that one is just a little bit off because that person edited it back in themselves

but today, I am proud to present the original video, sent to me by Crispy Crungy, who gave me permission to upload it here and share it with you all!

enjoy!

I love this description. It reads like a dedication speech for an art museum. Like we’re all witnesses to this video being interred in the Met. Preserving these things is important, and they really captured that.

Every single odd number has an “e” in it.

LISTEN-

Not all of them. 30 and 50 aren’t spelled with the letter e in it …

father god 

…if you can split a number in half evenly, it’s even. 30 and 50 are odd.

-_-’

(15+15=30

25+25=30)

25+25 = 30? You sure about that??

Lord have mercy….

Bye

3 days into 2018 smh

LMAOOOOOOO

One

Three

Five

Nine

And since everything else after that is a variant of these numbers, then all odds have the letter ‘E’.

🗣YOU FORGOT SEVEN!!

It keeps getting worse.

LMAOOO WHAT IS GOING ON

My head hurts…

This is why that Tumblr University shit was the dumbest idea ever just look at this

who failed yall?

IM SCREAMING

You whole ass forgot about eight - a number with an e and is pretty fucking even

why would 8 be brought up if it’s EVEN in a post about ODDS??????? the post said “every single ODD number has an ‘e’ in it” not “every single number with an ‘e’ is odd” what the fuck

3 days until 2019 and we’re still here

happy New year’s eve

I’m going to bring this flaming dumpster into 2019 so future generations can see what a mistake Tumblr was

Er, guys two is odd and doesn’t have an e. Just saying…

did you deadass just try to tell me two is odd? i’m fucking crying throw the whole website away

Reblogging for the last one😂

The one thing I notice is that no matter how much you want to throw this site away, you just can’t.

TWO IS ODD?!?! PFFFTT I’M SCREAMING

Wait what about zero that’s an odd number ,no?

ok but hear me out fifty and thirty make up for the fact they have no e by the way they are pronounces third-E fifth-E

bro why do 30 and 50 matter THEY’RE FUCKING EVEN

what the actual fuck is happening

1 is an even number

I’m gonna smack you

-30 and -50 have an e in them

Wait why are we so quick to throw away the Zero idea

Zero isn’t a number

It can’t be divided by two though, can it

It can??? 0/2=0??

OD NUMBERS

onE

thrEE

fivE

sEvEn

ninE

OD numbers huh?

Anything that ends with a 0,2,4,6,8 is even and the rest is odd (1,3,7,9) stop freaking out y’all

YOU FORGOT 5

DUDE WHAT ABOUT FOUR

What about it?????

THAT DOESN’T HAVE E IN IT

THAT’S BECAUSE IT’S EVEN?????

A R E Y O U G U Y S O K A Y

21 days away from 2020, folks.

Please tell me I can start the new freaking decade with a post arguing about something as stupid as this. Please. 🙏

This is art at its finest

where did you all go to school?

shit shit shit it's march i forgot to promote this print to yall:

read it carefully lol it's the callout of Caesar

The Ides of March: How To More Effectively Confront a Sith Lord

ID: A painting by William Holmes Sullivan of the assassination of Julius Caesar, with the conspirators’ swords edited into blue and green lightsabers with one man in the foreground holding a purple lightsaber. Force lightning has been added coming from Caesar’s hand.

Tumblr comments truly never disappoint god bless

UNLIMITED SENATORIAL POWER (comment courtesy of @xandyflare)

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[image 2 ID: screenshots of the following tumblr comments

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/end ID]

there’s too many good options this is terrible ;-;

No, you're thinking of the brides of march.

The ides of march are the little growths on any potatoes harvested in february

Silly billy, that's the Eyes of March.

The Ides of March are a collection of poetry dedicated to the 3rd month of the year

You're thinking of the Rhymes of March

The Ides of March are all the times the moon's gravity makes the sea level rise this month.

Nah fam, you're thinking of the Tides of March

The Ides of March are all of the people that give directions and advice to tourists who are travelling around the end of winter.

You buffoon, that’s the Guides of March

The Ides of March is the alternate personality of the great Dr. Jekyll, specially in the 3rd month.

No, no that's the Hydes of March. The Ides of March is one of the Seven Deadly Sins.

I believe what you're thinking of is the Prides of March. XD

The Ides of March is referring to the edges of a geometric shape, like triangles and hexagons and octogons and the like.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but i believe that is Sides your thinking of, not Ides... and me personally I haven't a clue what the Ides of March could be... I wonder if my good friend Julius Caesar would know... I should ask him when I visit him tomorrow and I'll get back to you all!

There are a lot of people here to see Mr. Caesar! I wonder what business they have wi-

By talos this can't be happening...

This was a whole thread, here are some of my favourites:

🤣 🤣 🤣 ROFLMAO PRICELESS

clark reupload

edit: forgot the sweater comic

Can’t believe you forgot the Connecticut dog!!

Never pass up an opportunity to reblog Connecticut Clark.