Lights on Why?

Since we're getting into "did you know that Santa's eight tiny reindeer are a reference to the eight legs of Odin's steed?" season once again, remember: while there are some elements of Christmas (or Hallowe'en, or Easter, or...) observations that are probably pre-Christian in origin, before one believes any of that this-is-really-100%-just-a-Pagan-holiday-with-the-serial-numbers-filed-off stuff, one must consider all of the following possibilities:

#Also: modern neopagans feeling guilty about christian cultural hegemony eating up point no 5 #while obfuscating / willfully ignoring just who is feeding that narrative and why #your legitimate beef with institutional christianity does not justify leaning into anti-christianism that is rooted in antisemitismmmmmm (via @screambirdscreaming)

A sony laptop 1986.

My mom had smth very similar to this in the early 90s & it was how I first got online. Wow.

Post corrections/clarifications are my favorite genre of humor: a compilation

he sure customized the delivery experience

Ever notice how the moon never moves?

doctor who meme | nine scenes [3/9]

↳ “You’ve been in that skin suit too long. You’ve forgotten. There used to be a real Margaret Blaine. You killed her and stripped her and used the skin. You’re pleading for mercy out of a dead woman’s lips.”

#anyways eccleston is such an underrated doctor#his acting in this scene alone should won him at least 10 emmy’s or whatever#i haven’t rewatched his season for more then 5 years now#but i still remember to this day his voice when he said ‘cause they begged’#it gave me so much shivers (via @julibernardo)

nodding furiously at every second of this video

No one tell her who lives in the Netherlands.

Scrolling through the most beauaitiful subreddit that exists yet again

me after realizing what subreddit this was from

Wii Sports soundtrack on white vinyl

WRONG thats a big wii game for the big wii

Hey, the ACLU is getting people to send letters to your Reps to have Congress pass the No Kings Act.

This act would make constitutional amendments to ensure that even sitting presidents are held liable for their actions. That NOBODY is above the law.

Their goal is 150k messages sent and at the time of writing this they're about 2.1k off from that goal!

ACLU gives you a prefilled message that you can edit to send to make the process easier, and will send it out for you.

This only takes a few minutes!

"Good night, son.

Good night, changeling who tried to kill and take my son's place before I stopped you and adopted you.

Good night, time-traveling assassin from the future who tried to stop my son fulfilling his destiny before I adopted you, too.

Good night, dark dimension counterpart of my son who comes out at night.

Good night, daughter."

#the daughter is from the trans timeline

i led an all-ages hike today for our local Pride organization (which was great!) & there was a 6-year-old on the hike who was super engaged in all my little Naturalist spiels until the very end nearly two hours into the hike as we approached the end of the trail & he became tired and a little over it. I fell to the back to make sure we had everyone & he was at the end of the line with his mom and he stopped suddenly in the middle of the trail and put out his little arm so I bumped into it and I stopped and he said “you can’t come with us.” I said, “you’re leaving me here?!” He said, “you’re for the forest.” I said, “what have I done to you today to deserve this abandonment,” and he said, “it’s not like that.” I said, “oh, like I shouldn’t take it personally?” And he said, verbatim, “yeah, like…don’t make it a thing.”

I’m only able to tell you all this because his mom, in her infinite mercy, told him to keep walking and let me go. I’d still be in that forest.

Today, on this fateful day in sex ed, I have to teach 25 9th graders how to put condoms on wooden dicks without losing my composure. Wish me luck lmao

Now to find a way to discreetly transport this entire drawer to the other side of the building...

Today went well overall. Lots of great conversations took place alongside some... very silly ones lmao.

Here are some highlights from this morning’s lesson:

Me: *removes the wooden dicks from my bag and slaps them on the table*

Students collectively: o_O

That one student: nice

—

Me: *demonstrating how to put on a condom*

Also me: *puts it on wrong the first time, even though I practiced twice beforehand* So everyone, here we see what not to do. Let’s try that again

—

Me: *finished demonstration, holding a sheathed wooden dick* so what questions do we have about condoms before I unleash you all to practice on the models?

Student: *raises hand* yeah, I’m wondering how you’re feeling about your life choices up until this point?

Me: o-o

—

Student 1: *raises hand* miss, why are the condoms so... slimy?

Me: thats lubricant, it helps get rid of friction that might cause discomfort during intercourse.

Student 2: *raises hand* can you use lube on a slip and slide?

Me: *genuinely considering the possibility*

—

*during a conversation about excuses people have heard for not wearing condoms*

Student 1: I had a guy tell me he was too big to fit in a condom

Me: *opens a condom, puts entire forearm inside and pulls it up to my elbow* here’s why that’s not true

Student 2: I once saw a video of somebody that put an entire watermelon in a condom before, so unless that dude’s got a watermelon shlong, that’s cap.

Me: *slowly losing composure behind my mask* you have the right idea, but let’s refrain from using the word ‘shlong’ in class, please.

—

Me: what are some ideas of things we can say to people who try to pressure you into having unprotected sex?

Student 1: tell them you don’t want their penis cooties!!

Student 2: penis cooties? Pretty sure that’s just herpes

Me, internally: like... you’re not wrong

—

Me: alright everyone, time to return the wooden models up front. Remove the condoms by firmly grasping the base of the model and sliding it off. Don’t forget to throw it away please!

Student 1: FIRMLY GRASP IT

Student 2: idk if I can return it now, miss. I’ve become attached to mine(the wooden dick)

Student 3: yeah, most men are

Me: *trying to keep a straight face*

—

Student 1: miss, why are the wooden dicks so shiny when you take the condom off

Me: oh, that’s just the lubricant from the condom.

Student 2: so you know you put the condom on right if your dick is shiny after?

Student 3: yeah! If your dick is shiny, you’re doing it right

Me: *trying to keep my composure pt. 36716159* uh, yeah that’s not necessarily the case. You see, these models are wooden. Penises are not.

Student 3: then why is it called morning wood?

Me: *internally self destructs*

—

Me: *casually wiping off the lube from wooden dicks w/ a paper towel before returning them to my bag* so what questions do we have about the use of contraception?

Student: miss can you please not make eye contact with us while you do that?

Today’s Most Tumblr Post of the Day goes to @krosecreates if only for the educational value:

Ok but the slip and slide is next level

lube slip n slide sounds like a trip to the ER after