Sorry for the long post :)

@sedatayuun @ffxiv-angora @tiergan-vashir @tenten-ooc @humanmagi @bennettdiction @noche-nightfuse

I CANT STOP LAUGHING THIS IS SO GOOD

Finland :

tHE FUCKING SWEDEN ONE GOT ME

I love how this thread implies that Californians aren’t Americans

I love how this thread

implies that Californians

aren’t Americans

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

THEY'A TRIMMED THE HERBS!

Source

Okay I'm gonna add some context in case anyone doesn't know or remember

There's been a group of people on the internet called "Team 0%" (link it to their website, where you can also find this info), who've been working towards making the original Mario Maker for the Wii U have every level cleared

They though this level, named Trimming the Herbs, would be impossible for a human and would stay uncleared, because it was clear tested using a hardware cheats, something though to be impossible for the Wii U until the creator admitted to using them 7 years later, so the team decided to not count the level due to this

However, the person playing in this video, Sanyx91SMM2, after 100 hours of practice and attempts, managed to beat it without any tools on April 5th 2024, becoming the first to ever truely clear the level, days before the servers shut down

To signify this, team 0% decided to make the completion percent on their website say 101%, treating it like the secret final boss of Mario Maker

Team 0%: we're going to beat EVERY SINGLE LEVEL before they turn off the servers

Team 0%: okay we beat them all except one. That one is too hard. Maybe the creator cheated?

The creator: yeah I cheated. Sorry.

Team 0%: okay then we've beaten all the legitimate levels, just not this one cheat level that no one can beat.

Team 0%: nm we just beat it

it's always bad for adults to interact with minors, which is why when I was born my mother was positioned at the window and I was birthed down a giant slip n slide that safely transported me to the hospital grounds, where I was quickly accepted and raised by a gang of feral babies who were born under similar circumstances. and that's why my posts are so bad

Hey what the fuck happens in homestuck

“kill them with kindness” WRONG! nether dimension

⬛ ⬛ ⬛ ⬛

⬛ 🟪 🟪 ⬛

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⬛ 🟪 🟪 ⬛

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🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 🟥🟥🟨🟨 🟨 🟨 👻

🧍‍♂️ wgat the fuck man 🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 🟥🟥🟥🟥 🟥🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟥🟥🟥🟥 🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧 🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧 🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧

i want to do a livestream where i say i'm going to play this TERRIFYING NEW MASCOT HORROR GAME and it's just an actual children's game but i act like it's a horror game and try to find things to be scared by

"I love the subtle horror of the part where Bibbly's cat goes missing, because in the few minutes between learning the cat is missing and finding it in the tree, you have NO idea what could have happened to it, so your brain is just left to run wild. What your brain conjures up in the absence of information is often far scarier than anything the creator of the horror could show you."

"The inside of Bella Buttons' house before she finishes unpacking and moving in feels like such a liminal space. It's terrifying because this is a house, it's supposed to be lived in, you know someone is supposed to live here, and yet it's completely devoid of any signs of life. Where there should be furniture and decoration there is instead just... boxes. It feels wrong - and this absence of furniture throughout the entire house makes it even scarier when you find Bella Buttons' bed, the only piece of furniture in the entire house. What's so special about this bed? Why is this the only piece of furniture in the entire house? You don't know. And that's terrifying."

"The scene where you first meet Strawberry Sasha is a masterwork of horror. Bibbly, your character, knows exactly who she is, but you as the player don't. When you first see her in the distance, you don't know if she's a friend or a foe. You only know that she is coming towards you. In most horror games, you'd expect the monster to be running at you at full speed, so when you see her just calmly walking towards you, you don't know what to do. Why is she taking her time? It's like she's a persistence hunter - she knows she'll catch up to you eventually, so she doesn't waste the effort to run after you. What's more, upon seeing her, Bibbly begins to walk towards Sasha. At this point you don't know that Bibbly and Sasha are best friends - you have no idea why he's walking towards this person who, for all he knows, could be out to kill him. It's like he's been hypnotized, and you are helpless to watch. Stuff like THIS is why I love Bibbly's Big Break, people."

(sees giant cartoon dog) "NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE, FUUUUCK THAT NOT GOING THERE"

i mod the game to add one actual, horrifying horror sequence to it and when i get to it on the livestream i just look bored and don't react to any of it, and afterwards i'm like "honestly that was probably one of the weaker horror bits in this game. it just felt kinda forced. i much prefer the way the rest of the game is handled, it's much more subtle."

Lighthouses of the Great Lakes.

by researchremora

And people will say Chicago is not a coastal city

Okay so, it took me a second to remember that the Great Lakes fucking massive, and I couldn’t help imagining

We could have this if we weren’t a nation of cowards

Fish in the great lake being like

this sucks so bad i need to [remembers suicide jokes only worsen my mental health] put on the best talent show this towns ever seen

guys this post is a big hit on the adolescent psych ward

Fish in the great lake being like

Wait shit wrong fucking post

the average tumblr user will see this post. they will feel compelled to open up the comments. when they do this they'll see that nearly every comment written is identical.

they all say "Man, I sure do love the hivemind".

with that exact same punctuation and capitalization.

upon scrolling further they might find comments that do not say this.

they will be compelled to reply to that comment with the word "Anomaly". and nothing more.

absolutely no-one understood the assignment, incredible

this is not the read_ing comprehension we_bsite

did you just tiktok censor "reading" and "website"

America has a weird relationship with cults where they’re terrified of small cults (or organizations they think are cults) but completely normalized massive cults that hurt many more people (eg: LDS Church, Jehovah’s Witnesses, the Amish, Scientology, most Megachurches)

To anybody asking if the Amish are a cult, the answer is yes, very much so.

They’re a high control group that isolate you from society. The cult decides how you dress, how you behave, who you marry and how. They control what you know, blocking all information from the outside world. They control how you feel and what you’re allowed to think with threats of both social and supernatural harm. They’re a cult.

The best method to determine if a group is a cult, in my opinion, is Steven Hassan’s (cult expert and former cult member himself) BITE model.

BITE stands for Behavior Control, Information Control, Thought Control, and Emotional Control.

The more points a group “scores” on the model, the more of a cult it is.

I think this model is the best one for several reasons:

This is a great example of Thought Control used by cults whenever they’re confronted with criticism.

#you might notice that there are a lot of similarities between cult techniques and those of abusive partners#and that is an important thing to be aware of

yah that goes in the post

The creator of the BITE Model considers abusive relationships to be two-person cults.

It’s important to note that almost every sect of evangelical christianity in the US today fails the BITE Model.

This was the post that lead to breaking my JW mindset. Been a while since I seen it.

I’m glad I could help in your deconstruction, if only a little bit. I wish you all the luck in your journey moving forward.

Screeching

same energy

And they look out so hard for the well being of the spiders AND the dolphins

@moss-wizard of course this isn’t how we serve it!!

It has to be in a dish with much higher sides, so when we go to cut it and it tries to sliiiiiide away it doesn’t escape and blorp blorp blorp across mom’s nice tablecloth

SLICE YOUR CANNED BOGBERRY GOO INTO DISCS BEFORE SERVING, YOU FILTHY HERETICS.

NO. IT WILL BE SERVED IN PROPER CAN SHAPE, AND WILL HAVE ITSELF SCOOPED INTO WEIRD SHAPES THE WAY THE GODS INTENDED

YOU STAY OUTTA THIS, GOD-QUEEN-EMPEROR. AND TAKE YOUR CERVID STALKERS WITH YOU.

It's supposed to be served in can shape with two discs already sliced and laying tastefully in front

I have consulted the scriptures and this is variation is still within the bounds of orthodoxy.

Mash the can shape up. We giving the table what they want, chaos in a dish, with a serving spoon.

Not to derail the escalating heresy, but what do dolphins have to do with cranberry bogs?

cranberry is served in its can shape in the can direction, not on its side but on its cylinder

Right but you guys know that ocean spray also sells like. Cranberries. Which you can use to make an actually edible cranberry sauce on the stovetop in 10 minutes of unattended cook time

actual cranberries? ew no thank you. The unprocessed chunky stuff is GROSS.

Look, in my house, we mix it with whipped cream and freeze it in a graham cracker crust for dessert!

@oft-goes-awry

what the actual fuck?

@somethinginterestingithink

Behold, my grandmother's recipe for Cranberry Surprise:

For the crust, combine 2/3 cup crushed ginger snap crumbs (put them in a large plastic bag and crumble with a rolling pin, or a mug if you don't have one) with 2 T. of sugar. Press into a 9" pie plate.

For the filling, pour a half-pint of regular whipping cream into a bowl, and beat until stiff. Mix in 2 T. of sugar and 1/2 tsp. of almond extract.

In another bowl, take a 14 oz. CHILLED can of jellied cranberry sauce and mash it with a potato masher if you've got one, or a fork if you don't. (My mom bought me a potato masher specifically so I could make this dessert at holidays without having to borrow hers.)

Once the log is goo, fold the cranberry sauce into the whipped cream mix. Yes, it's supposed to be THAT pink.

Pour the pink cream-and-cranberry mix into the crust and freeze for at least 24 hours. Cut and serve immediately upon removal from freezer.

American Horror Food is one of my favorite tumblr post types.

(I make it from real cranberries but if I decide to go with Goo Log, I mash it like the unorthodox godkiller that I am.)

I can only add that I worked in a deep freeze warehouse for a little bit when I was younger. The cranberries would come in loose around Halloween. This big machine would clean, sort, and dump them into 1000 lb wooden bins that would be forklifted and stacked to freeze in the warehouse.

One time, somebody lost control of a bin and broke it open. I would like you to picture a dozen warehouse workers slip sliding around on frozen cranberry ball bearings for hours, trying to clean them up, while you play Yakety Sax in your head. It was a nightmare.

Doesn’t everyone have a special cranberry-from-the-can serving plate and slice-cutting tool! What, are you all just living live Neanderthals?!?!

Oh my ZOD I love that

my brother is a culinary artist. one year he made some amazing cranberry sauce that nobody touched. the next year he made the same sauce, added a thickener, and set it in a ribbed can (he reused a pumpkin can iirc), and it was a hit.

we like the vague can-shaped fruit gelatin. i personally like it even more when it’s home-made.

Ah, in my house we serve this standing up on a plate, and we call it Invisible Can. It is not a holiday dinner without Invisible Can.

What the fuck about the dolphins and spiders, though ? The one reblog which pretended to explain the dolphins just... Didn't ? Help a gal from the other side of the Atlantic

The dolphins are a joke. There are no dolphins in the bog, that was made up for a meme.

The frog, in accordance with the “frogs and cranberries must be fall” meme, is very much a bog denizen.

They probably feed on the spiders, who are very, very real.

Cranberry bog ecosystems are AWESOME.

I'm willing to eat a whole can of cranberry sauce in one sitting, so slicing it is purely optional

Every time this goddamn post comes around again, I am once again forcibly reminded that I’m like the only person that just opens a can of this stuff and eats it straight outta the can with a spoon

simongerman600

i was going to say ‘i have no idea what to do with this information’ but then i realized its a handy guide to generate fake words that sound english

“What to do with this information”: kick ass at hangman

Also useful for simple codebreaking and decoding an unhashed simple letter cypher.

This is a cryptographer’s dictionary

It looks like a Road Runner cartoon.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

One of my favorite details about Captain Underpants is that their school, "Jerome Horwitz Elementary School" is named after the real name of Curly from the Three Stooges