Mulder's Top 10 Out of Hand Jokes

(ranked from "mildly spicy" to "okay how was that on 90s prime time")

10. MULDER: Before anyone passes judgement, let me remind you that we're in the Arctic. (Ice, season 1) Rationale: Mild. Genitalia jokes in a professional capacity (and with more people than just your partner) a little iffy. But Mulder was trying to break the tension. 9. MULDER: Hey Scully, is this demonstration of boyish agility turning you on at all? (Schizogeny, season 5)Rationale: Fascinating choice to say to a co-worker, but ultimately low level flirty.

8. SCULLY: Mulder, did you see their eyes? If I were that stoned--MULDER: Ooh, if you were that stoned, what? (Deep Throat, season 1) Rationale: Vague but discernible innuendo, considerably aided by DD's delivery. 7. MULDER: Birds do it, bees do it, even educated MDs do it. (Small Potatoes, season 4) Rationale: In context seemingly a flippant comment about the case, but attractive partner being educated MD makes this more eyebrow-raising.

6. LANGLY: Obviously, you haven't read our August edition of The Lone Gunmen. MULDER: I'm sorry, boys. It arrived the same day as my subscription to Celebrity Skin. (Blood, season 2) Rationale: Direct pornography use joke (that is completely reality-based and everyone knows it.) 5. MULDER: You want to make that honeymoon video now? (Arcadia, season 6) Rationale: Actual joke fairly mild, but undercover married context gives it an added zing.

4. MULDER: I don't know about you, Scully, but I am feeling the great need to blast the crap out of something. (First Person Shooter, season 7) Rationale: On the surface, about firing weapons in a video game. In the episode? After Mulder has been lusting over Jade Afterglow? Sexual overtone at best, an absolutely filthy double meaning at worst.

3. SCULLY: Snake-handling – we didn't learn that in catechism class. MULDER: That's funny, I knew a couple of Catholic schoolgirls who were expert at it. (Signs and Wonders, season 7) Rationale: Wait … what did he say? To his Catholic partner?

2. KRYCEK: You must be losing it, Mulder. I can beat you with one hand. MULDER: Isn't that how you like to beat yourself? (The Red and the Black, season 5) Rationale: Arguably Mulder’s finest junior high boy one liner. Taking it to an art form.

1. SCULLY : I guess that's why we're going to Aubrey. MULDER : Yes, and also, I've always been intrigued by women named B.J.. (Aubrey, season 3) Rationale: It’s not even connected to anything! It’s just randomly out of hand! It makes you wonder if they named the character this only to set up the joke. And there is really no way to spin this other than the most obvious meaning.

Very special bonus out-of-hand Scully: MULDER: I was merely extending her a professional courtesy. SCULLY: Oh, is that what you were extending? (Fire, season 1)Rationale: One of the best tbh. You should have done it more, Scully.

Muebles con puerta de ala de gaviota

A mind fuck free with every cabinet openning!

literally no dermatologist on earth says acne is caused by bad hygeine/lack of a skincare routine btw. its genetic. every single piece of research ever done on acne says its genetic. feel like i need to restate this every time i see a post about skincare

a few years ago i made an identical post to this and someone tagged it with “yeah ive known this from personal experience. because i once spent an entire summer not bathing and the only water that ever touched my face was from public pools yet i never once had any acne” and every single time i see someone talking up their skincare routine this info forces its way back into my brain

dont be a fucking dumbass on this post btw im serious. actually read academic papers on acne dont fucking post correlation is causation shit on this post. every person who has acne has a half dozen multi billion dollar industries constantly trying to convince them its secretly their fault against all published research as it stands. so don’t fucking help them

fucking australia’s trying to get everyone to link their government id to their social media accounts else you cant use them anymore, the actual fuck is wrong with this country

please, actually, get fucking mad over this, the entirety of australia basically just banned all social media for anyone who doesnt want to give up their privacy to the government, there was no vote on this, no nothing, they just went ahead and fucking passed this ridiculously privy law and barely anybody’s talking about it the actual fuck

okay so to actually explain what exactly is happening, it’s an age thing. theyve used ‘protect the children’ and ‘let kids be kids’ as a weapon again. anyone under 16 is banned from social media, but to enforce this they have openly admitted everyone will need to link their government id to their social media. this whole ‘protect the kids’ thing was a very obvious trojan horse for getting ppl to give up their privacy.

and yknow, that alone is a very shitty law even without the whole surrendering your private information to the government thing.

theyve made outside uninhabitable, there’s nowhere left to go. public areas have degenerated, theyve turned hanging out into a crime with loitering, streets feel unwalkable sometimes, parents are more wary of letting their kids walk around on their own than they used to be, and now theyre trying to ban one of the main ways kids manage to distract themselves inside the house.

when i was 15 i was depressed and lonely, unable to leave the house very far, no friends, nobody. the one place that helped me feel less alone was online communities. i wouldve killed myself if it werent for the support i recieved on there. and now theyre trying to ban that for future generations, in a world that hates them being both outside and inside.

and even still, this is still a fucking trojan horse to get you to give up your privacy.

some proper info on this bullshit

“Crab’s Lost Love” (comic by Gunshow)

i think what most people fail to understand is that curating your online experience doesn't just mean blocking and filtering the things you don't like or don't want to see but that it also (and maybe more importantly) means engaging with the things you do like and want to see. if someone creates something that makes your experience better, let them know! tell them! reblog their things! you get to see/share more of what you like and they get to know that someone out there appreciates their work it's a win-win situation for everyone involved

realism

When a body part falls asleep

This is the best gif to depict that feeling

Religious art leaves out the best part and it’s such a goddamn shame. Livestock, Agriculture and Food is an integral part of any culture and we all need to be pushing for more realistic sheep in religious art. #FATTAILSFORJESUS

“How think ye? If a man have a hundred sheep and one of them be gone astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth into the mountains and listen for the clappeth of it’s itinerant cheeks?” - Matthew 18:12, the bible

CLAPPETH….

I made this post a long time ago and never posted the follow up post, so here it is. Additional info on Fat tail sheep

Fat tailed sheep is not a single specific breed of sheep. It’s a catchall word like “Health care worker”.

There’s tons and tons of different breeds. They all store fat in their tails, but fall into two main categories: WIDE tails and LONG tails

Wide tails store fat in the rump area and have no visible tails.

Long tails store fat in the tail itself, which vary in length in different breeds. In the olden days, people took pride in breeding sheep with the longest tail. They are not so popular today as it’s hard to find a decent tail cart on Amazon.

Speaking of Tail carts, they come in different styles and designs. We dont have any that are actually preserved, but old drawing of them show different wheels harnesses.

Some of them are literally just skateboards

Back in the day, breeding sheep with long dragging tails was all the rage. Nowadays different tails types have been developed to prevent them from dragging their tails on the ground. Such as the “folded tail” or the “Only fat at the base” Tail

Despite fat tail sheep being the most common sheep breeds in the world, most people in the west have never heard of them. The West likes Wool Sheep. Fat tails are strictly meat sheep and have little useful wool. They also do poorly in colder climates

There’s a huge community of shepherds on youtube that script, choreograph and shoot elaborate videos for their sheep complete uplifting music to highlight their best qualities (for sale and stud) It is fantastic. Such as this one:

People kept bringing up Fat Bottomed Girls. Ya’ll are wrong. These are fat bottomed BOYS. Sheep are often continuously bred, so the females are constantly getting pregnant, giving birth and nursing.

That’s very hard on the body, so they can’t build up as much fat as the boys.

The fattest sheep, the ones with the truly VAST tails, rocking them little carts are ALWAYS males.

This is why the Bible specifically states that ONLY the rumps of the Males are to fit to be offered to the lord……

Picture: God desiring the tail

“And he shall offer of the sacrifice of the peace offering an offering made by fire unto the LORD; the fat thereof, and the WHOLE rump” -Leviticus 3:9

I mean… look.

Arguably these are just minor details and doesnt matter….

But beyond it’s teachings the bible is also a work of literature about life in the ancient world. And on some level these kinds of small details bring a sort of richness to these depictions of real…

Ancient people bred out sheep with huge butts, took the largest sheep butts, set them on fire and prayed over the burning butt. It checks out.

@apocrypals more info on biblical sheep butts?

I literally thought of the third one and then it manifested in the notes

this is the single saddest thing I’ve ever seen on cutthroat kitchen

The contestant didn’t speak English as a first language Due to this the judge didn’t judge his dish as biscuits and gravy but as brisket and gravy and the contestant moved onto the next round After this Alton started explaining the dish he was asking them to make more in detail to make sure it didn’t happen again.

THE CORRECT WAY TO REACT TO LANGUAGE MISCOMMUNICATION

hey here's a website for downloading any video or image from any website.

works w/ youtube, soundcloud, twitch, twitter (gifs and videos), tumblr (video and audio), and most other websites you're probably lookin to download stuff off of.

for anyone wondering about privacy and whatnot, i'm happy to say that the developers are pretty committed to have 0 trackers and 0 data retention. you can read more in their "about" section, but here's the basic important stuff:

COBALT MENTIONED OUTSIDE OF TWITTER???

^ (one of the lead devs that made cobalt)

thank you for your thingy, it's real useful 🙏