The Last Testament Of Edwin Payne

To my darling, C.R.

Hello, love. I can picture your expression as you read this: tears pooling in those pretty brown eyes of yours, a hand over your mouth covering your quivering lips in the self-deprecating manner you’ve always had. You crumple this paper in your shaky grasp, swallowing through every word. Yet, I promise you, there’s no reason to worry. 

  In another thirty years, the memory of me will be shoved back into the deepest part of your mind, another piece evaporating every moment. You will learn to heal and move on, and perhaps that is for the best. But, please know, that I will never forget you. I will always remember every little wonderful thing I can about you. I will remember your contagious smile and your filthy jokes, your abundance of love for everyone around you. The way you could light up an entire room of saddened people with only your words. How it took you an unbearable forever to finally propose to me, though I very much consider that day to be the best of my afterlife. 

  You are the most important person in the world, and you mean everything to me. Please, know that I love you. I love you with every fiber of my being and every part of my soul. There will be days where you feel most alone, and the grief of my death (or, rather, departure?) will weigh you down with a thousand tons, but I want you to rise. I want you not to think of me and feel guilty, but feel happy. No, more than that. Feel overwhelmed by my absence and find comfort in that. Be happy that I existed long enough for you to know me, even if only in death. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, and that I can say with no regrets. I do not care that you came from many years after my time, I do not care that we are long dead with no beating heart, I do not care that you are a boy and I am not a girl, and I most certainly do not care that you are half-Indian. If your father ever does me the favor of gracing my presence I will be sure to “beat his ass” as Crystal once said (I do hope I am using this appropriately). 

  There are so many more things I wish to tell you, but I do not have much time. I have one last thing I need you to do. Inside our game closet is a ‘72 edition of Cluedo, inside, beneath the board, lies my notebook. Not the one I brought on cases, but another. It is filled with poems I have written over the years; some about you. I want you to read every single one and be reminded of me. I am still with you, love, though my being is not. And there will be days when you cannot even manage to wake (though you sleep so little), and those days will be the hardest. But, please, know that you are not alone. You have Crystal, and Monty, and Jenny. Maybe even Thomas will learn to be less selfish towards you. There will be days when you feel so miserable that you want nothing more than to scream into the sky. They will be there for you. And, besides, you have forever to figure the rest out, don’t you?

I wrote this in one day and did not edit at all whatsoever, but I’m so proud of myself ahhh! should I write Charles’ pov?

also, this is from my main acc, I didn’t steal, I swear