leletha-jann reblogged
I think Ankh Morpork and Mechanicsburg would be sister cities.
- Officially, they're sister cities. Unofficially, it's a "Best Friends Each Secretly Think Of The Other As Sidekick" situation.
- The Heterodynes did actually try to invade Ankh Morpork, once or twice, but although it's easy enough to get in, it's a twisty hellish maze of a city, and the people are so artful, cunning, and surprisingly vicious. Let's just say, even the Jägers would hesitate to go down an Ankh Morpork alley alone.
- The seamstresses get along quite well with the Jägers, who are always gentlemanly and tip well. Mama and Rosy have tea, sometimes.
- (The Jägerfraulein are not seamstresses. Morporkians who make that mistake learn they are washer women, in that they will beat you against a rock while they submerge you in the river.)
- (That is not a metaphor.)
- When Van was younger, he had a poster of Vetinari in his room.
- Now he has it in his office.
- The Jägers don't like talking to Captain Carrot. They're not sure why, exactly, he just...makes them feel weird. Not even bad weird, just. Weird. Many a Jäger has woken from a daze to find himself helping people across the street, or rescuing kittens from trees, with no knowledge of how he got there, or why he's doing it. The last thing they remember was being approached by a tall, red-haired man who smelled very strongly of soap and wore a very friendly expression.
- Speaking of Jägers, they're not welcome in Biers. Not because they don't qualify - they're no less not-undead than werewolves are - but because they're just too damn cheerful. Completely ruins the mood.
- The assassins guild does not take contracts out on Heterodynes. They read the account of Don Giorello. They know better.
- Sometimes the triumvirate goes to Ankh Morpork so the two weasels can socialize--I mean, so Tarvek can have tea with Vetinari.
- Vimes would REALLY like Klaus.
- Klaus would REALLY like Vimes.
- Vetinari does NOT like Klaus because Klaus keeps trying to poach his guard captain, and is fully aware that the only reason it isn't working is because Vimes loves Ankh Morpork too much to leave.
- Klaus 🤝Vimes
- ^loving their wives who can beat them up
- Vetinari also does not like Klaus because Klaus goes roaring through the political landscape like a bull in a china shop, trampling over everyone's carefully laid plans and hurling his weight around like its going out of style, and it is extremely annoying that it keeps working.
- (yes, Vetinari is aware Vimes does the exact same thing, but that is different, it is extremely useful to Vetinari when Vimes does it, and Vimes only pisses off or annihilates one political enemy at a time except when he pisses off all of them at once, and, it's just, it's different, okay, it just is, shut up.)
- The Jägers may not like talking to Carrot, but they do like talking to Angua, because they can smell what she is, and they like that* in a girl.
- *ability to tear a man's throat out with her teeth
- Moist von Lipwig went to Mechanicsburg once, knowing it would be full of easily fooled tourists, but left fairly quickly. Mechanicsburgers know a fellow shyster when they see one, they're better at it than he is, and they're very territorial.
- (Also, their head guard is an extremely cranky ex-Jäger, and the Baron is fairly lax about torn-off arms if they're torn off the right people.)
