One: Grumpy, Rude. Hangs out with teachers – boring! And the worst taste in hats – I missed the fez.

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Two: Fun but wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. Offered to show me "this cool place on Telos" – but I saw right through that (And I hope he chokes on that recorder)

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Three: Now we’re talking! Hair like a lion, Velvet and frills. Amazing gourmand. We had a lot to talk about.

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Four: Good hair. Good hat. Has fourteen of those scarves. All the same. They take up a whole lot of room to themselves.

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Five: Very sweet but strangely short-tempered. Also obsessed with some place called the Eye of Harmony. A nightclub?

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Six: I fear this was the payoff of all those conversations with Three. He was aiming for my hair and fell some way short. Also, is that what it looks like when you put clowns through a wood chipper?

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Seven: Surprisingly Scottish! Always thinks big. Would have loved to get my hands on that jumper - and thrown it into the nearest supernova.

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Eight: Velvet and frills again? So passé. But oh my word - GREAT DIGS! Got lost in the cloisters one afternoon I could have sworn I heard some American begging to be let out.

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Nine: Leather jacket. Funny accent. Big ears. And don’t mention the war!

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NOTE: Need to buy more mnemosine recall-wipe vapour. Can’t keep hopping into my sweetie’s life without it!

• Harry Sullivan's War by Ian Marter
• The Age of Chaos by Colin Baker
• Exodus Code by John Barrowman (and Carole E. Barrowman)
• Scratchman by Tom Baker (and James Goss)
• The Dark River by Matthew Waterhouse
• At Childhood's End by Sophie Aldred (Mike Tucker, and Steve Cole)
• The Ruby's Curse by Alex Kingston (and Jacqueline Rayner)
• The Evil of the Daleks by Frazer Hines (Mike Tucker, and Steve Cole)
• Death in the Stars by Bonnie Langford (and Jacqueline Rayner)

1939, New York. Private Eye, Melody Malone, is hired to find a stolen ruby, the Eye of Horus. The ruby might hold the secret to the location of Cleopatra's tomb – but everyone who comes into contact with it dies. Can Melody escape the ruby's curse?

1939, New York. River Song, author of the Melody Malone Mysteries, is forced to find a reality-altering weapon, the Eye of Horus. River doesn't believe in curses – but is she wrong?

From the top-security confines of Stormcage to the barbarism of first-century Egypt, River battles to find the Eye of Horus before its powers are used to transform the universe. To succeed, she must team up with a most unlikely ally – her own fictional alter ego, Melody. And together they must solve another mystery: Is fiction changing into fact – or is fact changing into fiction?

Alex Kingston said:

“Having absolutely no idea of the journey I would be taking with River Song when I first uttered those words, ‘Hello Sweetie’, I cannot begin to express how excited I am to be able to continue not only River, but Melody’s adventures on the written page. A sassy private detective and a time travelling archaeologist joining forces to solve a mystery? What’s not to love!?”