EXO EMERGENCY #JenKai?? #Kainnie?? Edition (Baekhyun is DONE)

Chanyeol: Ugh Suho why are we having a meeting?? I was 6 hours deep on fortnite!

Kyungsoo: How old are you?

Suho: Woah, I didn't call this meeting, I'm clueless just like you!

Chanyeol: So if it wasn't you it was-

Baekhyun: *enters with 3 binders and starts setting up a podium stand* It was me!!! *maniacal laughter*

Kai: *stands up* Um I think I'm going to skip this meeting...

Baekhyun: Sit your ass down before i break your ankles all the way back to the Lotto era!

Xiumin: *to Chen* what is going on?

Chen: *pulls airpods out of ear* What? Speak louder. You know I can't hear you when you speak in broke bish.

Sehun: *raises hand* Baekhyun does this involve all of us, or is this a personal grudge you have against Kai?

Baekhyun:*pulls out random papers* look at my bank statements!! Why tf would I be jealous of a dollar store Taemin in a half sewn crop top??!

Kyungsoo:

Kyungsoo: I'm going to go make some tea.

Chen: Hey bud, um I'm pretty sure you're holding up fast food receipts, and you whole negative energy is making my airpods sound like Walmart prices.

Chanyeol: Bro, so what he has a girlfriend? We all have at some point and just kept it on the low-

Suho: Wait...we have??

Sehun: *pats him reassuringly on the back*

Sehun: Yes.

Baekhyun: I don't care about our private lives! I just want to know why when I tried to step out and go public with "She who can't be named"

Kyungsoo: *coming back with tea* Taeyeon.

Baekhyun: ....yeah her, I just want to know why I didn't get the support I needed!

Kai: *smiles encouragingly* maybe you were too popular?

Baekhyun: *rubs temples* Duh, I've always been popular, it's gotta be some thing else.

Xiumin: The timing may have been off. Or maybe you had to help pave the way for dating to be more accepted in today's culture.

Baekhyun: So you think I'm selfless?

Xiumin: *squirms slightly* occasionally?

Kyungsoo: Dang this tea is hot! I wonder what temperature I should have put the "Taeyeon"?

Baekhyun:

Baekhyun: Suho help me out! You're supposed to lead us, and clearly I'm going through some things.

Chen: *blowing on airpods and shining them on his shirt* Really? Couldn't tell?

Suho: I don't really know what to say to help you. I've never felt this way but I'm always here if you need me-

Baekhyun: Hold that thought *whips out phone* I need to call the army real quick so they can enlist you and you can go somewhere you're "needed"..

Suho: That hurt Baek.

Kai: Look man, I'm sorry that it went down like it did and that I didn't give you a heads up. I was just scared that this exact scenario would happen. Can we just go back to being friends?

Baekhyun: *typing on his phone* Um yeah sure I guess. Friends for life and all that jazz.

Chanyeol: *checks phone* There's a Dispatch article saying that Baekhyun just unfollowed Kai on IG.

Baekhyun: *smiles* must be a glitch.

Chen: I'm leaving. I got a hair appointment at 11 and a wine tasting at 3. *gets up to leave*

Sehun: Dude...give me back my airpods.

Chen: Just 5 more minutes!! Please!! I love the power I hold in the curvature of my ears!!

Xiumin: Ew

Sehun: *takes his pods* I'm going to roll too guys. Next time we call a meeting, let it actually include me.

Kyungsoo: *whispers into his tea* like our discography this year.

Sehun:

Suho: Does anyone want to stay and discuss the whole "everyone has dated before" joke or not?

Chanyeol: *pats his back* It's okay buddy, we still love you.

Baekhyun: What's love? Never heard of her. All I know is betrayal!

Kai: Sehun, pls let me leave with you..

They say for every positive comment King Kai and Queen Jennie get on social media, a salty Baekhyun appears incognito to type "Kaistal did it best" while dabbing his eyes with a Prive handkerchief, and humming the words to the full "I" album at 3am.

* Pronouncing Names as a Newb*

Me: Umm the only idol names I know are Bacon, Songchall, John Cook, Meno, Jackson and Kai.

*After Moving into the Kpop Trash Can*

Me: TAEYEON TRIED TO TRULY TALK TO TAEYANG TODAY, TO TELL HIM TAEYONG AND TAEHYUN TAUGHT TAP TWICE ON TUESDAYS, TEAMED TOGETHER WITH TAEHYUNG AND TAEMIN AT 10:20 TO 10:22!! (3x FAST)

EXO EMERGENCY! #KAISTAL

Chanyeol: God Suho, Why are you calling a meeting at 1 in the morning??!!

Suho: Because something has come up and it’s very important that we address it now.

Sehun: *mutters curses under his breath*

Xiumin: It’s too late for this Suho! We want to sleep.

Baekhyun: Yeah whatever it is it has to wait. I am currently in a deep snapchat sesh with TaeTae and she might be about to take me back!

D.O. *rolls eyes*

Suho: No believe me you want to hear this! Chen call Lay so he can hear too!

Chen: *pulls out phone. has an idea. calls Lay, Kris, Luhan and Tao*

Chen: Did it

Suho: Okay as you all know Kai isn’t here right now–

Sehun: Duh

Suho: ahem *clears throat* Well apparently according to Dispatch Kai is dating Krystal!

Chanyeol: Wait are you serious?

Chen: How? When? Why?

Luhan: *from speaker phone* Now ya’ll get to date too? The Koreans get everything.

Kris: *from speaker phone* Yeah I’m happy we all bounced. Just waiting for Lay to make it complete.

Lay: *from speaker phone* Hey! I’m never going to leave. SM is so scared of bad press, that they let me do whatever I want! I’ve got it made.

Suho: Who invited You guys to the meeting? you’re not even members anymore.

Tao: *from speaker phone* I’m here too.

Suho: God Chen

Chen *grins*

Baekhyun: Okay let me get this straight I date Taeyeon and the world goes crazy, but Kai dates Krystal and YOU’RE the one who breaks the news to us. Ugh I hate double standards.

Kris *from speaker phone* Tell me about it.

D.O. Hey um does anyone have Taemin’s phone number? No reason, just curious

Chanyeol: Yeah I got it D.O. I’ll give it to you later. 

Xiumin: So can we all date now?

Suho: Oh God no, imagine the fans! We're their dream men, they would be devastated. 

Sehun: *under his breath* More like WE'RE their dream men, no one is dreaming of you.

Suho:

Chen: Is this meeting over now? I think everything important has been said

Suho: Sure

Chanyeol: Well thanks for the info, but how about next time just letting us find out through the internet like normal people?

Suho: I hate you all.