Fic: How the Light Gets In (Dean Winchester/Laurel Lance)

I'M BACK!

Additional warnings for this chapter: The biggest warning for this chapter is for Sin and Lady Shiva's background. Her background is dark and includes neglect, mental, emotional, and physical child abuse, starvation, violence, conditioning, and mentions of sex trafficking, murder, and extreme violence against women. Please proceed with caution when reading her parts.

Blanket warning for body horror and gore - especially related to illness and childbirth, so if you're easily squicked by those things, the next few chapters are going to get a bit dicey.

Also, the bird and drowning themes are really about to pop off in some potentially uncomfortable ways.

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Twenty Three

What Kind of Mother

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''Canary!'' Sin comes running, dropping to her side, grabbing onto her arm. She looks like she is about to start crying. ''You're hurt.''

''I'm okay,'' Laurel assures her. ''I'm fine. You need to get out of here.''

''No!'' Sin shakes her head adamantly, eyes wide. ''I'm not leaving you!''

''Oh, look at that,'' Shiva says, pulling herself to her hands and knees. ''Your silly little fan has no idea what a bumbling fool you are, does she?''

''She's not,'' Sin cries out, clenching her hands into fists. ''She's the Black Canary!''

''And I,'' Shiva begins, rising effortlessly to her feet, ''am Lady Shiva. You'd do well to remember that, little Piglet.''

''So what?'' Sin's face contorts into anger. ''Nobody cares about Lady Shiva,'' she shrieks out, with the audacity only a child could have. ''Black Canary's better than you ever could be!''

Laurel blinks.

Oh my god, she's about to be murdered in an alley because her deranged cousin's mercenary girlfriend has beef with a six year old.

In all fairness, that does sound like something that would happen to her. Last year, she was murdered by some sad little loser who thought of himself as a wizard and only jabbed her with an arrow to punish the men around her. That was arguably a worse way to die.

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#finally a sin focused chapter!#it's about time she and lady shiva started showing up regularly #laurel lance #dean winchester #dean x laurel #fic: how the light gets in #arrow #supernatural #spn x arrow #my fic #how the light gets in

laurelwinchester

Fic: How the Light Gets In (Dean Winchester/Laurel Lance)

I’M ALIVE, Y’ALL!

Okay, let’s get this horror story on the road.

Additional warnings for this chapter: Honestly, there are so many additional warnings for this chapter that I urge you to just read the list of warnings at the top of this chapter on AO3. There is going to be a lot going on in these next few chapters when it comes to horror and also when it comes to motherhood.

Also, if you already have a phobia of birds, things are going to get a bit dodgy from here on out.

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Chapter Twenty Two

Milk

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''You left town to lead Edie away from us,'' he says. ''She's back now and so are you. It's a moot point.''

''Dean, you know it's not just about - ''

''Relax,'' he cuts in tersely. ''I'm not asking you to come home.''

She knows that she has no right to be upset by the dismissal, but she is. ''Oh.''

''But you're back in town, you seem to be sticking around, and Mary needs you,'' he says. ''She needs to be able to see you and hear your voice. I get that you're not ready to come home and I'm trying to respect that, but it's been over a week since you got back and if this separation is going to last however long it's going to last, we have to figure out a way to get you to her. I know you're worried about Edie and what could happen, so it's - I mean, I'll be there too. If you feel like something's about to go down, I'll get her out of there. But she needs you.'' He is steady as he says this, resolute, determined, but calm, like maybe he has practiced this speech, thought long and hard about it. But she likes to think she knows him pretty well by now and she knows how to hear what's simmering underneath. There is desperation in his voice.

Something has spooked him.

That makes two of them.

''Laurel?'' His voice is gentle, but exasperated. ''You still there?''

''I'm here,'' she says. ''I'm here. I'm just, uh, a little...'' She drops her head into her hand briefly, palm pressed against her forehead. ''What are you thinking? Like a... a supervised visitation kind of thing?'' She lifts her head and looks up at the ceiling, shaking her head, pushing away the tears.

Last month, they were in California, just the three of them, their little family, walking the beach at sunset, taking five thousand pictures of Mary in her puffy blue coat over her purple sparkly dress making sandcastles. They listened to old records and ate good food and slept peacefully. The sun shone on them. They were the calmest they had ever been.

Last April, she was happy. She had moved past her birth trauma, she thought she had moved past her postpartum depression, she was looking forward to having more children, doing it all over again, moving into a bigger house, living the life she had always wanted with everything she could have hoped for. She was sober, employed, working hard at being a good mom, a good wife, a good person. She was, in a lot of ways, peaceful. She was working on a happy ending.

Now she gets supervised visitation.

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#hope you enjoy pain and mommy issues and bodily fluids #one of the most disturbing scenes i've ever written is in this chapter :)))#laurel lance #dean winchester #(honestly though he's just a side character in this chapter)#dean x laurel #fic: how the light gets in #arrow #supernatural #spn x arrow #my fic #how the light gets in

laurelwinchester reblogged

laurelwinchester

Fic: How the Light Gets In (Dean Winchester/Laurel Lance)

Wow, am I ever late with this update!

Literally it's 1am. I probably should have just waited until tomorrow to post this. But it's been such a long wait! I've made some changes to the overall structure of HTLGI, so unfortunately this chapter took much longer than I wanted it to. Plus, I made an attempt to write this chapter and the next chapter at the same time and, um… I will not be doing that again lol. That was not the time saver I, for whatever reason, thought it would be.

Additional warnings for this chapter: Vomit. Like, a lot of vomit. I'm sorry. I promise I'll stop that soon. I don't know why this keeps happening? Frank discussions of mental health issues including depression, anxiety, and suicide. Additional spoilery warnings can be found inside at the bottom of the chapter.

Also.

I'm sorry for the opening scene of this chapter. Except also I'm not sorry at all.

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Chapter Twenty One

You Will Always Be in Your Mother's House

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''Daddy…''

At first, the small voice, nearly a whisper, is what drags him out of the fog of slumber. The voice is muffled and tinny sounding, garbled over the sound of white noise filtering through the monitor on the bedside table, but it still catches his attention. It hooks onto him in his sleep and pulls him out from under.

Then it's the sound of static that yanks him full force back into consciousness, a strange buzzing noise that grows louder and louder and louder still, much louder than it should be.

''Daddy,'' Mary's voice hisses, and Dean's eyes snap open in the dark.

A second of groggy confusion and then he lifts his head up to look at the baby monitor, frowning at the static coming from it. He blearily rubs at his tired eyes and pushes himself up enough to turn on the lamp. ''Laurel?'' He reaches out, an instinct, to where his wife should be, but his hand finds only air and a cold pillow on the other side of the bed.

He blinks to clear his sleep blurred vision. He looks at the empty spot she has not slept in. Something curls in his gut, a feeling of sickness, something halfway between anger and concern, and he can't remember why. It's familiar, but he doesn't know where it's coming from. Can't quite fit the puzzle pieces together. Eventually, he shakes it off.

It doesn't strike him as important in the moment.

He pulls back the covers, and rises to his feet, scratching absently at the shoulder of his white t-shirt. He steps out of the bedroom and into the still lit hallway, avoiding the creaky floorboards on autopilot as he trudges over to Mary's room, trying to remember what time it was when he gave her that last dose of Tylenol.

Mary's door, left open a crack, groans when he pushes it open and Dean finds himself stopping short in the doorway, looking at a shadowy figure standing over his daughter, a tiny bundle of blankets in her bed, seemingly fast asleep despite the whines that have woken him up. There is a second of panic, a shot of adrenaline, and his body tenses.

But it's just a second.

The shape of the silhouette is familiar, the way her hair falls, the curve of her fingers, and he relaxes. He lets down his guard. ''Laur?'' His voice is a thick, sleep encrusted whisper. ''Is she okay?''

She turns her head, only a little, not enough to see her face, bringing a finger to her lips. ''Sshh.''

He raises an eyebrow at the dismissal, but relents. He figures it's fine. She is her mother, after all, and he is exhausted after a long day of toddler sickness, so he lets it go. She can handle whatever is thrown her way. ''Okay.'' He hesitates, but ultimately turns to walk away. He leaves Mary with her mother, safe.

Down the hallway, the light fixture on the wall beside the door to his bedroom flickers.

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laurelwinchester

it's been months and months and months since i updated (it's a long story) but finally the next chapter is ready for consumption! it should be posted sometime tomorrow, so if you want to catch up or, you know, give yourself a reminder of what happened last since it's been like half a year then today is your last chance.

#this chapter may have been all dean but the next three are all laurel and her No Good Very Bad Sunday #and this is where The Horrors really begin #you're going to want to make sure you read the warnings for what's coming next #fic: how the light gets in #my fic

laurelwinchester reblogged

laurelwinchester

Fic: How the Light Gets In (Dean Winchester/Laurel Lance)

Wow, am I ever late with this update!

Literally it's 1am. I probably should have just waited until tomorrow to post this. But it's been such a long wait! I've made some changes to the overall structure of HTLGI, so unfortunately this chapter took much longer than I wanted it to. Plus, I made an attempt to write this chapter and the next chapter at the same time and, um… I will not be doing that again lol. That was not the time saver I, for whatever reason, thought it would be.

Additional warnings for this chapter: Vomit. Like, a lot of vomit. I'm sorry. I promise I'll stop that soon. I don't know why this keeps happening? Frank discussions of mental health issues including depression, anxiety, and suicide. Additional spoilery warnings can be found inside at the bottom of the chapter.

Also.

I'm sorry for the opening scene of this chapter. Except also I'm not sorry at all.

.

Chapter Twenty One

You Will Always Be in Your Mother's House

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''Daddy…''

At first, the small voice, nearly a whisper, is what drags him out of the fog of slumber. The voice is muffled and tinny sounding, garbled over the sound of white noise filtering through the monitor on the bedside table, but it still catches his attention. It hooks onto him in his sleep and pulls him out from under.

Then it's the sound of static that yanks him full force back into consciousness, a strange buzzing noise that grows louder and louder and louder still, much louder than it should be.

''Daddy,'' Mary's voice hisses, and Dean's eyes snap open in the dark.

A second of groggy confusion and then he lifts his head up to look at the baby monitor, frowning at the static coming from it. He blearily rubs at his tired eyes and pushes himself up enough to turn on the lamp. ''Laurel?'' He reaches out, an instinct, to where his wife should be, but his hand finds only air and a cold pillow on the other side of the bed.

He blinks to clear his sleep blurred vision. He looks at the empty spot she has not slept in. Something curls in his gut, a feeling of sickness, something halfway between anger and concern, and he can't remember why. It's familiar, but he doesn't know where it's coming from. Can't quite fit the puzzle pieces together. Eventually, he shakes it off.

It doesn't strike him as important in the moment.

He pulls back the covers, and rises to his feet, scratching absently at the shoulder of his white t-shirt. He steps out of the bedroom and into the still lit hallway, avoiding the creaky floorboards on autopilot as he trudges over to Mary's room, trying to remember what time it was when he gave her that last dose of Tylenol.

Mary's door, left open a crack, groans when he pushes it open and Dean finds himself stopping short in the doorway, looking at a shadowy figure standing over his daughter, a tiny bundle of blankets in her bed, seemingly fast asleep despite the whines that have woken him up. There is a second of panic, a shot of adrenaline, and his body tenses.

But it's just a second.

The shape of the silhouette is familiar, the way her hair falls, the curve of her fingers, and he relaxes. He lets down his guard. ''Laur?'' His voice is a thick, sleep encrusted whisper. ''Is she okay?''

She turns her head, only a little, not enough to see her face, bringing a finger to her lips. ''Sshh.''

He raises an eyebrow at the dismissal, but relents. He figures it's fine. She is her mother, after all, and he is exhausted after a long day of toddler sickness, so he lets it go. She can handle whatever is thrown her way. ''Okay.'' He hesitates, but ultimately turns to walk away. He leaves Mary with her mother, safe.

Down the hallway, the light fixture on the wall beside the door to his bedroom flickers.

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Or start from the beginning

#morning reblog because my dumbass posted this at 1am #fic: how the light gets in #my fic

laurelwinchester

Fic: How the Light Gets In (Dean Winchester/Laurel Lance)

Wow, am I ever late with this update!

Literally it's 1am. I probably should have just waited until tomorrow to post this. But it's been such a long wait! I've made some changes to the overall structure of HTLGI, so unfortunately this chapter took much longer than I wanted it to. Plus, I made an attempt to write this chapter and the next chapter at the same time and, um… I will not be doing that again lol. That was not the time saver I, for whatever reason, thought it would be.

Additional warnings for this chapter: Vomit. Like, a lot of vomit. I'm sorry. I promise I'll stop that soon. I don't know why this keeps happening? Frank discussions of mental health issues including depression, anxiety, and suicide. Additional spoilery warnings can be found inside at the bottom of the chapter.

Also.

I'm sorry for the opening scene of this chapter. Except also I'm not sorry at all.

.

Chapter Twenty One

You Will Always Be in Your Mother's House

.

''Daddy…''

At first, the small voice, nearly a whisper, is what drags him out of the fog of slumber. The voice is muffled and tinny sounding, garbled over the sound of white noise filtering through the monitor on the bedside table, but it still catches his attention. It hooks onto him in his sleep and pulls him out from under.

Then it's the sound of static that yanks him full force back into consciousness, a strange buzzing noise that grows louder and louder and louder still, much louder than it should be.

''Daddy,'' Mary's voice hisses, and Dean's eyes snap open in the dark.

A second of groggy confusion and then he lifts his head up to look at the baby monitor, frowning at the static coming from it. He blearily rubs at his tired eyes and pushes himself up enough to turn on the lamp. ''Laurel?'' He reaches out, an instinct, to where his wife should be, but his hand finds only air and a cold pillow on the other side of the bed.

He blinks to clear his sleep blurred vision. He looks at the empty spot she has not slept in. Something curls in his gut, a feeling of sickness, something halfway between anger and concern, and he can't remember why. It's familiar, but he doesn't know where it's coming from. Can't quite fit the puzzle pieces together. Eventually, he shakes it off.

It doesn't strike him as important in the moment.

He pulls back the covers, and rises to his feet, scratching absently at the shoulder of his white t-shirt. He steps out of the bedroom and into the still lit hallway, avoiding the creaky floorboards on autopilot as he trudges over to Mary's room, trying to remember what time it was when he gave her that last dose of Tylenol.

Mary's door, left open a crack, groans when he pushes it open and Dean finds himself stopping short in the doorway, looking at a shadowy figure standing over his daughter, a tiny bundle of blankets in her bed, seemingly fast asleep despite the whines that have woken him up. There is a second of panic, a shot of adrenaline, and his body tenses.

But it's just a second.

The shape of the silhouette is familiar, the way her hair falls, the curve of her fingers, and he relaxes. He lets down his guard. ''Laur?'' His voice is a thick, sleep encrusted whisper. ''Is she okay?''

She turns her head, only a little, not enough to see her face, bringing a finger to her lips. ''Sshh.''

He raises an eyebrow at the dismissal, but relents. He figures it's fine. She is her mother, after all, and he is exhausted after a long day of toddler sickness, so he lets it go. She can handle whatever is thrown her way. ''Okay.'' He hesitates, but ultimately turns to walk away. He leaves Mary with her mother, safe.

Down the hallway, the light fixture on the wall beside the door to his bedroom flickers.

Read more on AO3

Or start from the beginning

#yeah. i did. i did do that.#we're really getting into those mommy issues #so why not start that deep dive in the most horrific way possible?#dean winchester #laurel lance #dean x laurel #fic: how the light gets in #supernatural #arrow #spn x arrow #my fic #how the light gets in

laurelwinchester

Fic: Everything I Have Is Yours (Dean/Laurel)

Title: Everything I Have Is Yours Fandom(s): Arrow, Supernatural Pairing: Dean Winchester/Laurel Lance, past Laurel Lance/Tommy Merlyn Summary: In January of 2021, in the dead of winter, somewhere in the Adirondack Mountains, a brutal winter storm rolls in. Inside the warmth of a nearby cabin, under the strangest of circumstances, a baby is born.

In April of 2020, across the country in Washington State, a so-called storm of the century slams into Star City. Inside a rundown apartment in the Glades, the Dark Archer’s gruesome master plan, years in the making, slowly begins to unfurl in the worst way possible.

Black Canary, simultaneously at her best and worst, is caught in the middle of it all.

Wounded and mysteriously ill, she finds herself cast aside by Green Arrow and put on temporary leave by the Birds of Prey due to her increasingly erratic behavior. As a bloodthirsty ghost from her past nips at her heels and her condition begins to worsen, she turns to the one ally she has left: a long retired monster hunter now settled in nearby Olympia and easily the most complicated part of her life - Dean Winchester.

Chapter One: Before You Turn Into Something Else Chapter Two: If the Canary Does Not Sing

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Excerpt from Chapter Two:

''Helena!''

A car door shuts somewhere down the street and she turns, watching Oliver approach. The second she lays eyes on him, the first time she's seen him in person in months, she scrunches her nose up and blurts out, before she even has a chance to think it through, ''What the hell is on your face?''

In her ear, Babs sighs again. ''Really, Helena?''

Oliver heaves a long suffering sigh and says, ''It's a goatee.''

Helena's lips curl up into a smile. ''You look like an idiot.''

''Oh my god,'' says Babs.

''Nice to see you too, Helena,'' he greets dryly. ''You sound like my wife.''

She raises an eyebrow. ''Your own wife doesn't - ''

''It's not that - Look,'' he grinds out. ''I was trying something. It didn't work.''

#make sure to read the updated tags before you dig in!#apologies for the amount of oliver in this chapter #hopefully babs and helena and zinda make up for it #fic: everything i have is yours #dean x laurel #my fic

laurelwinchester

How the Light Gets In (Dean Winchester/Laurel Lance)

Okay, so here we are!

We have finally arrived at Edie's interlude. (Which is basically a full length chapter and stopped being an ''interlude'' a long time ago.) I know that writing an entire chapter from the POV of not only the villain but an original character in a fanfic is a bold and risky move that I feel kind of weird about, and it may not be what you would have preferred to see after such a long wait but I just felt like it was really important to get a more in depth look at what's going on in our wicked witch's head. Because there’s...a lot to unpack there.

Rest assured the next update, which will definitely not take as long to get up because a large portion is already written, will see us back with Dean and Laurel for...possibly the grossest chapter yet tbh.

Additional trigger warnings for this chapter: Aside from general unapologetic villain behavior, this chapter contains semi graphic descriptions of suicidal thoughts, past suicide attempts, pregnancy loss, severe mental health issues including depression, bipolar disorder, and psychosis. Brief mentions of addiction relapse. Pretty major Mommy Issues. Ricky Moretti and all the ableist and blatantly misogynistic comments he brings with him. Also, briefly mentioned/implied human trafficking, sexual assault, forced pregnancy, child abuse, child neglect, and cult behavior when it comes to Lady Shiva and Sin's backstories. .

Interlude Filth Teaches Filth

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That first day, in that shitty apartment in Starling City full of April sunlight, her mother tugged her into the bedroom, baby in her arms, away from the usual Drake family chaos.

''I know you're not crazy about this whole baby thing, ladybug,'' she said softly, gently nudging Edie over to the ugly brown chair by the window. ''I understand how you feel. I wasn't a fan of Dinah when she came along either. But I wanted you to meet your cousin. It's important, Edith.'' She was serious when she talked, but calm. There was no storm in her eyes. Just something determined. Something knowing. She knelt down, her movements careful but confident, and then, before Edie even knew what was happening, the baby was placed in her arms.

The baby didn't make a sound. She was wide awake, staring up at Edie with her big eyes, but she was calm. All Edie could think to say, with that little weight in her arms was, ''Oh.''

''This is Dinah Laurel,'' Mama said. ''She's the first girl in her family. She's just like you and me. Do you know what that means?''

Edie shook her head, but didn't dare to look away from the baby.

''You have to look out for her,'' said Mama. ''You two are going to need each other more than anyone else.''

''Why?''

''Because your blood is the same. It's just like mine.'' She ran a hand over the baby's soft fuzzy hair and then reached up, placing her soft hand against Edie's cheek. ''There is wickedness in this life, Edith. It's not easy to live in this world when you're like us. People won't always understand. You and your cousin have to take care of one another. Can you do that for me? Can you look after her?''

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#another warning: edie is very very anti winchester (i believe she refers to dean as a ''deranged cary grant character'')#but those sentiments do not reflect my feelings #i feel like i shouldn't have to put that disclaimer here but i also feel like if i don't i'm going to get in trouble lol #fic: how the light gets in #arrow #supernatural #spn x arrow #my fic #how the light gets in

laurelwinchester

Fic: Everything I Have Is Yours (Dean Winchester/Laurel Lance)

FINALLY!!!!

after months of talking about this fic, chapter one is finally live! anon who sent in the ‘’soap opera birth fic’’ request, this one is for you. i’m sorry i took your plot bunny and took it in the darkest, most fucked up direction possible. as usual - hi i’m here to ruin everything.

WARNING: Please, please, please be sure to read the tags and the warnings before you venture too far into this fic. This is a heavy one that deals with some pretty sensitive subject matter.

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Title: Everything I Have Is Yours Fandom(s): Arrow, Supernatural Pairing: Dean Winchester/Laurel Lance, past Laurel Lance/Tommy Merlyn Summary: In January of 2021, in the dead of winter, somewhere in the Adirondack Mountains, a brutal winter storm rolls in. Inside the warmth of a nearby cabin, under the strangest of circumstances, a baby is born.

In April of 2020, across the country in Washington State, a so-called storm of the century slams into Star City. Inside a rundown apartment in the Glades, the Dark Archer's gruesome master plan, years in the making, slowly begins to unfurl in the worst way possible.

Black Canary, simultaneously at her best and worst, is caught in the middle of it all.

Wounded and mysteriously ill, she finds herself cast aside by Green Arrow and put on temporary leave by the Birds of Prey due to her increasingly erratic behavior. As a bloodthirsty ghost from her past nips at her heels and her condition begins to worsen, she turns to the one ally she has left: a long retired monster hunter now settled in nearby Olympia and easily the most complicated part of her life - Dean Winchester.

Link to Chapter One

#do not forget to read the warnings and tags on this one #if you see anything triggery that i haven't warned for please let me know and i'll add it #laurel lance #dean winchester #dean x laurel #fic: everything i have is yours #my fic #becky writes fic (or attempts to anyway)

laurelwinchester

Fic: How the Light Gets In (Dean Winchester/Laurel Lance)

Finally after months of delay after delay after delay, here we are!

I apologize if this chapter isn't quite as polished as they normally are. This one gave me a lot of trouble and I'm actually still technically editing bits and pieces of it. I probably could have used another week, but I was bound and determined to get this posted TODAY. So if you see any typos, definitely let me know so I can clean those up. :)

Additional warnings for this chapter: worsening mental health issues, some graphic imagery when it comes to the wound on Laurel's shoulder, mentions of vomiting, very frank discussions about alcohol and drug addiction, incredible overuse of the word 'fuck' because SOMEONE cannot seem to chill out, a savage marital spat years in the making, and one very spoilery warning that is at the bottom. This chapter gets dark, y'all. I would not read it all in one sitting.

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Part Twenty I Can Never Go Home

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Maybe it was inevitable.

Laurel wonders about this sometimes, on the nights she would lie awake, unsettled by her own inability to be with her family, to be good at the one part of life she had wanted so much, and on days like this, feeling aimless and lost, with no real place in the world and a trail of wreckage in her wake. Maybe she just wasn't cut out for things like marriage and motherhood.

What does she know about being a mother?

A mother, to her, is a wound.

One that festers and burns and never stops bleeding.

Love is not always enough. It doesn't always mean you get what you want. It was foolish and unbearably selfish of her to pull Dean and Mary into this, to get married, to have a child when she has no idea how to be good at it, when her insides are made up of such mangled chaos. Not that she ever could have anticipated this back when she invited that weary, handsome stranger into her life, back when those two lines appeared on the pregnancy test. No one could have anticipated this.

She spent thirty years of her life thinking she was normal. Mentally ill, yes, full of insufferably bad luck, definitely, but normal.

Ordinary.

That was what Dean wanted her to be, was it not? That was what he needed from her. It was why he fell in love with her. She was ordinary. She was supposed to be his one safe place.

Then she died and came back as...this.

Whatever she is now.

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#sorry to be posting this so late today was garbage lol #but i am so happy to finally be able to post this #even if this chapter is so dark and emotionally intense that i have to recommend you don't read it all in one sitting #laurel lance #dean winchester #dean x laurel #otp: never my love #fic: how the light gets in #arrow #supernatural #spn x arrow #my fic #how the light gets in

laurelwinchester

Fic: How the Light Gets In (Dean Winchester/Laurel Lance)

IS THIS A SURPRISE HTLGI CHAPTER DROP?

YES, IT IS!

Oh my god, the relief I feel finally getting this chapter up! You have no idea...

I am so sorry it's taken me this long to update! I really wanted to get this chapter up as soon as possible, but of course literally two days after my last update things sort of went south in my real life and it didn't stop for like six months and unfortunately writing kind of got put on the back burner. I want to say I'm hopeful things will slow down and I'll be able to get the next chapter up soon, but I don't want to jinx it so I'm just going to tentatively cross my fingers.

Additional warnings for this chapter include: blood, gore, dead things, PTSD, disturbing hallucinations, and a discussion about a previous miscarriage. Also I really need to note that there is an intense warning for emetophobia for this chapter.

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Part Nineteen What Remains Grows Ravenous

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''You're going to go return the purse,'' she says again, firm. ''You're going to leave an apology note in the bag. Then you're going to go home because it's getting late and you know your mother worries. When you return this purse, every cent will be in it. Nothing will be missing. If it is, I'll know. Do you understand?''

''How would you know if - ''

''I'll know.''

He shuts his trap with a nod. ''Got it.''

''Good.'' She gives him one last look, one last critical onceover, and then moves to brush past him. ''I'll be seeing you, Eli. Hopefully under better circumstances next time.'' She moves through the shadows toward the mouth of the alley, stopped only by the sound of his voice calling after her.

''How come you're not wearing your mask?''

She turns, hands stuffed into her pockets, still edging backward. ''What do I need a mask for?'' She winks at him, lips curved into a half smile. ''You know who I am.''

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#this chapter was a labor of love and horror :)))#laurel lance #dean winchester #dean x laurel #otp: never my love #fic: how the light gets in #arrow #supernatural #spn x arrow #my fic #how the light gets in

laurelwinchester reblogged

laurelwinchester

Fic: How the Light Gets In (Dean Winchester/Laurel Lance)

And the separation arc officially begins…

Just a quick note: these next couple chapters are going to be a bit different as they are going to be covering the same time period from different points of view. Up first we’ve got Dean in his solo outing and the next chapter will cover Laurel’s POV. So, if you’re a Dean fan - hey, this chapter is for you! If you’re a Laurel fan, hang in there, she’s got a BIG outing coming up next.

Please note that parts of this chapter deal with suicide (specifically the aftermath of a suicide attempt), depression, and anxiety. Proceed with caution and maybe read the spoilery warnings at the end if these things are at all triggering for you.

And, finally: I am so sorry for the even longer than usual wait for this chapter. I sincerely hope it won’t happen again. .

Part Eighteen The Mess You Left When You Went Away

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“No.” He shakes his head. “No, this is a dream.” He closes his eyes, as if expecting to be transported elsewhere, but when he opens his eyes, he’s still here and she’s still dead, one unbloodied and lifeless eye looking at the sky, the other full of blood. “This is a dream,” he says again. It would make sense. It would be logical. Because he can’t be here right now and neither can she. None of this carnage has happened.

“Well,” says a voice from behind him. “Not yet anyway.”

Dean goes very, very still. His fingers curl around Laurel’s blood soaked ones. He can’t breathe for a second, clutching her hand, certain he must have imagined that voice. Except he knows he didn’t. He can feel that suffocating presence behind him. That change in the air around him that he remembers so well. If he doesn’t turn around, it’s not real. If he doesn’t turn around, it’s not really happening. If he doesn’t turn around…

He lets go of her cold and bloodied hand and rises to his feet, turning to face the shadowy figure in the dark. “…Dad?”

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#there's no real need for me to boost this again #i just had to go in and fix some typos and now i'm feeling myself i guess #idk i just really enjoyed writing a whole chapter of dean's pov #i had a good time writing this #even with the john winchester cameo #shameless self reblog #fic: how the light gets in #my fic

laurelwinchester reblogged

laurelwinchester

Fic: How the Light Gets In (Dean Winchester/Laurel Lance)

And the separation arc officially begins…

Just a quick note: these next couple chapters are going to be a bit different as they are going to be covering the same time period from different points of view. Up first we’ve got Dean in his solo outing and the next chapter will cover Laurel’s POV. So, if you’re a Dean fan - hey, this chapter is for you! If you’re a Laurel fan, hang in there, she’s got a BIG outing coming up next.

Please note that parts of this chapter deal with suicide (specifically the aftermath of a suicide attempt), depression, and anxiety. Proceed with caution and maybe read the spoilery warnings at the end if these things are at all triggering for you.

And, finally: I am so sorry for the even longer than usual wait for this chapter. I sincerely hope it won’t happen again. .

Part Eighteen The Mess You Left When You Went Away

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“No.” He shakes his head. “No, this is a dream.” He closes his eyes, as if expecting to be transported elsewhere, but when he opens his eyes, he’s still here and she’s still dead, one unbloodied and lifeless eye looking at the sky, the other full of blood. “This is a dream,” he says again. It would make sense. It would be logical. Because he can’t be here right now and neither can she. None of this carnage has happened.

“Well,” says a voice from behind him. “Not yet anyway.”

Dean goes very, very still. His fingers curl around Laurel’s blood soaked ones. He can’t breathe for a second, clutching her hand, certain he must have imagined that voice. Except he knows he didn’t. He can feel that suffocating presence behind him. That change in the air around him that he remembers so well. If he doesn’t turn around, it’s not real. If he doesn’t turn around, it’s not really happening. If he doesn’t turn around…

He lets go of her cold and bloodied hand and rises to his feet, turning to face the shadowy figure in the dark. “…Dad?”

Read more on AO3

Or start from the very beginning

#shameless self reblog #oh yeah you bet i'm gonna be annoying about promoting this one lol #fic: how the light gets in #my fic

laurelwinchester

Fic: How the Light Gets In (Dean Winchester/Laurel Lance)

And the separation arc officially begins...

Just a quick note: these next couple chapters are going to be a bit different as they are going to be covering the same time period from different points of view. Up first we've got Dean in his solo outing and the next chapter will cover Laurel's POV. So, if you're a Dean fan - hey, this chapter is for you! If you're a Laurel fan, hang in there, she's got a BIG outing coming up next.

Please note that parts of this chapter deal with suicide (specifically the aftermath of a suicide attempt), depression, and anxiety. Proceed with caution and maybe read the spoilery warnings at the end if these things are at all triggering for you.

And, finally: I am so sorry for the even longer than usual wait for this chapter. I sincerely hope it won't happen again. .

Part Eighteen The Mess You Left When You Went Away

.

''No.'' He shakes his head. ''No, this is a dream.'' He closes his eyes, as if expecting to be transported elsewhere, but when he opens his eyes, he's still here and she's still dead, one unbloodied and lifeless eye looking at the sky, the other full of blood. ''This is a dream,'' he says again. It would make sense. It would be logical. Because he can't be here right now and neither can she. None of this carnage has happened.

''Well,'' says a voice from behind him. ''Not yet anyway.''

Dean goes very, very still. His fingers curl around Laurel's blood soaked ones. He can't breathe for a second, clutching her hand, certain he must have imagined that voice. Except he knows he didn't. He can feel that suffocating presence behind him. That change in the air around him that he remembers so well. If he doesn't turn around, it's not real. If he doesn't turn around, it's not really happening. If he doesn't turn around...

He lets go of her cold and bloodied hand and rises to his feet, turning to face the shadowy figure in the dark. ''...Dad?''

Read more on AO3

Or start from the very beginning

#IT'S DEAN'S TIME TO SHINE #i would sincerely like to apologize to him for giving him the burden of the emotional part of this separation arc #...and also for the joke i made about tripping and falling and dying #this is how i'm choosing to cope #dean winchester #laurel lance #dean x laurel #otp: never my love #fic: how the light gets in #supernatural #arrow #spn x arrow #my fic #how the light gets in

laurelwinchester reblogged

laurelwinchester

Fic: As We Were (Arrow)

HAPPY (BELATED) BIRTHDAY, @missourielephant

welcome to the universe where oliver broods alone in the dark a lot and says “alexa play white flag by dido” like seven times a night. meanwhile laurel’s just vibing with her family. i like it here. it’s soft. thank you for requesting this fic, it was a lot of fun to write. :)))

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Title: As We Were Fandom(s): Arrow Pairing: Laurel Lance/Joanna de la Vega, past Laurel Lance/Oliver Queen Summary: “We are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves. As we were. As we no longer are. As we will one day not be at all.”. In the aftermath of his return, Oliver struggles to come to terms with his new place, or lack thereof, in Laurel’s life, how much his baby sister has changed, and the city’s resident vigilante - who does not seem to be a fan of the Hood’s particularly bloody methods.

#middle of the night reblog :)))#fic: as we were #my fic #shameless self reblog

laurelwinchester

Fic: As We Were (Arrow)

HAPPY (BELATED) BIRTHDAY, @missourielephant

welcome to the universe where oliver broods alone in the dark a lot and says ''alexa play white flag by dido'' like seven times a night. meanwhile laurel's just vibing with her family. i like it here. it's soft. thank you for requesting this fic, it was a lot of fun to write. :)))

.

Title: As We Were Fandom(s): Arrow Pairing: Laurel Lance/Joanna de la Vega, past Laurel Lance/Oliver Queen Summary: ''We are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves. As we were. As we no longer are. As we will one day not be at all.''. In the aftermath of his return, Oliver struggles to come to terms with his new place, or lack thereof, in Laurel's life, how much his baby sister has changed, and the city's resident vigilante - who does not seem to be a fan of the Hood's particularly bloody methods.

#in which green batman pines and regrets #while laurel gets everything she deserved #laurel lance #joanna de la vega #oliver queen #laurel x joanna #otp: you and me against an army #arrow #fic: as we were #my fic

laurelwinchester reblogged

laurelwinchester

missourielephant asked:

On this day, I think about the HTLGI verse, and what it would be like if Laurel wasn't revived. There are 3 things that are important to me: 1 If Oliver did replace Laurel with some random nobody off the street, Dean had Iris release Blackbird. Not only did she win a Pulitzer Prize for it, it almost instantly got all of Star City to agree that Laurel is the one and only Black Canary, the pretender needs to piss off (which she did). 2. Joanna won the lawsuit Dean filed against Oliver.

laurelwinchester answered:

I should have been able to fit all 3 in one post, I think it used to allow more space. Third thing: Laurel got a proper funeral, like she wanted. Salted and Burned, ashes spread in Big Sur. The only people in attendance: the Winchester Clan, Thea, Joanna, Ted, Nyssa and Sara. If Laurel's parents didn't care about her enough to respect her wishes for a burial, they don't deserve to attend her real funeral. If Laurel isn't coming back, it's important that she get that at least.

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what's interesting is that i am 100% confident that somewhere within the htlgi universe, there is an earth that exists in the multiverse where laurel did not get to come home.

her resurrection was the consequence of a chain of events that she had little to nothing to do with. it went back to edie, to john winchester, to the car accident in 1995, all the way back to the 1500s when hazel and alice aelard lived and the curse first began. take just one of those things out (maybe john actually killed edie, maybe lady shiva did not save her, maybe there was no car accident and she lived out her life as the normal, perhaps even good person she could have been, maybe there was never any eldest daughter curse) and there's still a good chance darhk would have killed laurel, but then she would have just been...gone.

i think life for dean and mary in the aftermath of that would be...quieter. maybe, without an evil witch stalking their family, even softer. but less. life after laurel would be darker. star city and that cozy house in the quiet neighborhood would no longer be home.

i think they probably would have ended up back in kansas. maybe not permanently, but for a little while. all of dean's roads seem to lead to kansas in one way or another. he would have remained retired, no getting called up for world saving duty, no more fighting, regardless of how routine the case seems (because you never know, after all, when a random vampire might shove you onto a rusty spike) because he's all mary has now and he has to stay alive for her. he would have chosen her the way john should have chosen his boys.

the lawsuit filed against oliver would have likely been settled very quickly because i don't think he would have put up much of a fight. the tacky statue would have been removed, possibly replaced by a tasteful plaque somewhere in the city, maybe at the courthouse, maybe near where cnri used to be. joanna would have overseen that.

i also don't think oliver would have replaced her. i know that's literally what happened in canon but i'm trying to make htlgi!oliver less of a shit. like, yeah, he's still gonna be a douche 40% of the time but the fool’s trying. more than that, he loves her. he loves her very much. he's allowed to love her here. he wouldn't have even tried to replace her. he knows it can never be done. on this earth, he will have to find a way to love and let go, to live with all those ghosts without a weird statue and without trying to erase her from his life.

iris probably still ended up eventually releasing blackbird (with dean's blessing) on laurel's birthday one year. it was very well received. especially by the citizens of star city who still, even after years, love their girl.

but the funeral.

that's an issue.

laurel clearly deserves a better funeral. she deserves what she asked for. she deserves to have her final wishes honored. she deserves big sur. but big sur means letting go. ashes means there is no way back. i'm not sure dean would ever be able to bring himself to accept that fully. sure, there are periods of acceptance, he learns to live with the grief, there is joy and laughter, maybe even other loves, but there's still that thought in the back of his mind.

what if?

what if, someday, she comes back? what if, someday, there's a way? she'll need something to go back to. she'll need her body, her arms and legs, a beating heart, the tattoo on her hand of the three blackbirds. you can't come back if you're salted and burned. that's the whole point. and what if she comes back?

he knows better, of course. he knows how these things work. he knows she belongs in big sur, with the wind and the sea, soaring, but every year, as april 6th approaches, when he thinks about following through on his promise, about giving her away, he can't help but think -

what if, one day, when mary's all grown up, when he's old and gray, there's a knock on that door and it's her, alive and well, in that blue dress they buried her in, smiling, as young and beautiful as she was that last day, telling him, ''i'm sorry i'm late. i got so lost.''

that's the thing. that's the problem. big sur means letting go and when dean winchester loves you, he doesn't let go.

#middle of the night reblog of this terribly angsty earth....idk 31?#don't mind if i do #it's...not quite april 6th anymore but it's always april 6th in my heart #shameless self reblog #dean x laurel #fic: how the light gets in #my fic

laurelwinchester

Fic: How the Light Gets In (SPN/Arrow, Dean/Laurel)

Wow, this one took longer than I thought it would to post! I apologize for the delay! But, uh, here we are. Finally. The chapter I've been waiting to write for years. I was so excited to finally get the chance to write this love letter.

With that said, there are some pretty dark moments in here. Specifically the entire opening flashback. Definitely make sure to read the warnings at the top of the page and proceed with caution.

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Part Seventeen What You Were Will Not Happen Again

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Here is the truth at the center of this, here is the core of this planet made of desperation, the gospel truth about his learned obedience, his defiant and unwavering loyalty, and his ingrained and bloody altruism:

He has always known he would die for love.

Was there any other way for this to end?

No.

Never.

People die for less every day. All over the world they burn their lives down in the name of hate and ignorance, take stories of need against need against need and turn them into tales of unfathomable selfishness and cruelty, their lives amounting to nothing but a lack of basic humanity, a zero sum game at the end of the day.

That was never going to be him.

He has never had a religion, but he has never been faithless. There was always love, the heart of the matter, the light seeping in through the cracks. What a worthy thing to die for.

Sometimes he tells himself that this is what his mother taught him before she died. Instilled it in him from the day he was born until the day she died. How to love with your very bones. Sometimes he wonders if it's more something to do with his father. If perhaps his love is an act of defiance.

Neither of these things are true. He was born for this. There was never any other way for him to go.

Even still, he has to admit...

This is not what he had been expecting.

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#i originally had a different title for this chapter but then decided this was the perfect chapter to use ''for jane''#y'all know how much i love that gut wrenching poem of love and mourning #dean x laurel #otp: never my love #dean winchester #laurel lance #fic: how the light gets in #arrow #supernatural #spn x arrow #my fic #how the light gets in