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@laughingjokingnumbnuts-blog on Tumblr
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moved to laughingjokingnumbnuts2

@laughingjokingnumbnuts-blog / laughingjokingnumbnuts-blog.tumblr.com

doc | 18 | any pronouns | canada | artist | untouchable river of hot fucking lava todd howard watches you when you masturbate commissions are OPEN! check out my redbubble in my links! icon by mezmacko.tumblr.com twitter: @dr_fucker_md
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me walking into a mcdonalds in 2037: i’d like the 5 for .0000005 meal please :)
cashier: sure thing! that’ll just be .0000005 bitcoins. would you like to pay with wifi or take out a McLoan?
me: comcastie-kins can i pwease use the intewnet to twansfew some bitcoins to mcdonawds? ówò
comcast: uh oh pumpkin, you didn’t upgrade to the new premium money exchange package yet :(
me: guess i’ll take out another McLoan then!
cashier: sir it looks like you’ve actually exceeded your limit, you currently owe .13 bitcoins to mcdonald’s and im legally required to arrest you
me: not if i kill myself first
cashier, chasing me with a net: mcdonald’s owns the rights to your life so you’re not allowed to die
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beachdeath

the most #UselessLesbian thing i have ever done was when i was trying to figure out if this girl liked me or not, just constantly arguing with myself about it, and after a couple, uh, months, of this, i was like, “god i wish i could just like… go to court and lay out all this evidence and have a couple lawyers argue over the TRUE MEANING of her text messages, and then a judge tells me if she likes me or not.” and then the proverbial lightbulb went off over my proverbial head, and i dug into my mock trial folder from high school and found the trial guidelines and i wrote out an entire trial transcript featuring a plaintiff (me), my attorney (my wildest hopes and dreams), a defense attorney (my worst fears and insecurities), and a judge (my desperate attempt at rationality). the final product was several thousand words long. it clarified nothing. at any point in this process did it occur to me to ask her how she felt about me? absolutely not. did i ever stop and think, “hey, maybe i should tell her that i like her?” absolutely not. that’s for people who take risks and i don’t take risks i take myself to court in my own head.

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 “ Bram Stoker’s Dracula, First Edition, 1897 Published in Westminster by the Archibald Constable and Company ”

Remember peeps, if you find one of these, just send it to your Auntie Jilli for safekeeping. 🦇

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femmeslash

black cats are wonderful because you can stare into the void and not only does the void stare back, sometimes it trots up to you happily and begs for pats

the void is loud and wants chicken

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