honestly i relate so much to everything you said about gender, and like when you said you’d be happiest with being masculine presenting feminine (i feel like you phrased that better) that is the most i’ve ever felt known, however as that isn’t particularly an option i just reject femininity as much as i can and go for more androgynous. just wanted to let you know i felt the same, have a good day!
Hey Anon, you make me feel so seen, you have no idea, this comment almost made me tear up tbh <3
It’s great to not be alone with this feeling. Yeah I go for a pretty androgynous look too, thanks to genetics I actually have pretty sharp cheekbones - so whenever I had short hair in my life (the majority of the time, trying to let it grow out a bit more now, although it’s a pain in the ass) I passed as pretty androgynous, sometimes even masc.
There was one incident, regarding my feelings towards gender that I’ll always remember and I feel like it’s a nice anecdote to share:
I buzzed all of my hair off two years ago and put a lot of effort into my style back then and there was a day where I heard the kids in the school hall whisper (in a way that anyone in a 50 mile radius could hear lmao) what my gender might be.
Mind you - I was literally standing in line of the girls bathroom at the time of their search for answers to their unsolvable mystery, haha.
I was genuinely so surprised back then because my first impulsive reaction to their gossip wasn’t one of offense, or shame, but pride about their incapability to properly identify me even though the “answer” was pretty easy to guess, instead.
My comfort regarding my birth gender and the way I express my chosen identity really changes on a day to day basis (and also depends on what kinds of clothes are available at the time lmao) but it’s good to know that I at least have some ways to cope even though I still don’t have a label for what I feel like.
And I very much hope that you, anon, have a coping strategy that makes you feel like that too <3
Thank you for sharing and have a great day too!