larphis reblogged
With @staff 's recent post saying 1/4 of this site is LGBTQ going around, I'd like to see what the actual demographic is
So!
Please reblog for bigger sample size!
Fucking dying inside currently because the binder arrived and I’m wearing it right now and holy shit does it feel right.
I don’t even know how or what to think at the moment. I’m just terrified and feel like I could cry. I don’t even know if out of joy or sadness… both, non, idk.
Fuck why do they gotta make gender so complicated.
Worst part is my therapist is kinda transphobic so when she comes back from her maternity leave I’m very sure that I couldn’t talk to her about everything that’s unreaveling right now.
Anonymous asked:
honestly i relate so much to everything you said about gender, and like when you said you’d be happiest with being masculine presenting feminine (i feel like you phrased that better) that is the most i’ve ever felt known, however as that isn’t particularly an option i just reject femininity as much as i can and go for more androgynous. just wanted to let you know i felt the same, have a good day!
Hey Anon, you make me feel so seen, you have no idea, this comment almost made me tear up tbh <3
It’s great to not be alone with this feeling. Yeah I go for a pretty androgynous look too, thanks to genetics I actually have pretty sharp cheekbones - so whenever I had short hair in my life (the majority of the time, trying to let it grow out a bit more now, although it’s a pain in the ass) I passed as pretty androgynous, sometimes even masc.
There was one incident, regarding my feelings towards gender that I’ll always remember and I feel like it’s a nice anecdote to share:
I buzzed all of my hair off two years ago and put a lot of effort into my style back then and there was a day where I heard the kids in the school hall whisper (in a way that anyone in a 50 mile radius could hear lmao) what my gender might be.
Mind you - I was literally standing in line of the girls bathroom at the time of their search for answers to their unsolvable mystery, haha.
I was genuinely so surprised back then because my first impulsive reaction to their gossip wasn’t one of offense, or shame, but pride about their incapability to properly identify me even though the “answer” was pretty easy to guess, instead.
My comfort regarding my birth gender and the way I express my chosen identity really changes on a day to day basis (and also depends on what kinds of clothes are available at the time lmao) but it’s good to know that I at least have some ways to cope even though I still don’t have a label for what I feel like.
And I very much hope that you, anon, have a coping strategy that makes you feel like that too <3
Thank you for sharing and have a great day too!
The crisis continues, I still live with my parents so privacy is pretty much an illusion in many ways.
We have corporate-shit Amazon prime premium so there was never really a reason to make my own account because shipping would just be more expensive, stuff would take longer to arrive and I didn’t mind letting my parents see what I ordered anyways because it was mostly just clothes.
But - I just made my own account because I want to get out of my comfortzone.
I think I will be brave and order myself a binder, just to know what it feels like to wear one and more importantly to know how it makes me feel.
I even considered buying something else you wouldn’t want to buy via your parents’ account but then I thought that would be too much if they DID end up accidentally opening my package before I got my hands on it.
Adult life is scary but I’m trying.
(Originally put this post in the queue to force myself to make a decision asap and I did! I ordered the binder and I’m fucking terrified. So excited and curious too but first and foremost terrified, haha. We’ll see how it goes. Cross your fingers for me, homies!)
#binder#not trans but idk#something gender?#living with parents#adulthood#scary first moves into grown up life#gender identity is complicated#i’m a little frightend. let’s see how this all turns out.#non binary#agender#genderfluid#personal#getting out of the comfortzone#trying#mental health#my parents are technically pro lgbt btw. they don’t have anything against it#but they don’t understand it and grew up on the countryside exposed to a lot of media that stereotyped lgbt people#so they are passively xenophobic#i once read a great term for it#i think it was: liberal homophobia#that’s my parents basically#‘eveything’s fine as long as you keep your identity and sexuality to yourself’#the ‘we shouldn’t need pride. it’s normal but celebrating it feels unnecessary’-kind of fraction#they semi know I’m bi and accept that and I forced them to watch a lot of queer media with me which they actually mostly enjoyed#still - they’re just from a different generation
Cw: gender dysphoria
Gender is such a weird thing honestly. I have fem days and I have masc days but mostly I just have me-days.
I always hated labeling my gender. Growing up I didn’t mind being afab as long as I could present masculine, but I remember explicitely thinking (please keep in mind, I was a child):
“I don’t understand how transgender people feel this big discomfort. I wouldn’t mind having been born as a guy”
Mind you I wasn’t intentionally trying to belittle the experience of trans people/be transphobic, it was kinda the opposite actually, I used to watch so many Trans-Youtubers growing up (albeit some regrettable ones being in the mix too, you probably know who I am talking about, ew. I’m glad I learned from my mistakes) because the topic fascinated me for some unknown reason.
It’s so funny nowadays looking back at that comment because I obviously never felt 100% in tune with my gender, so of course I couldn’t understand people who were “different”, because, all this time, I was “different” too - I just didn’t realize it.
But my experience with it is so weird that I feel like I can’t explain it to anyone or find a label that I feel connected to. I used to just not think about it because we don’t have genderneutral pronouns in my native language anyways (beside it/its, but I don’t feel comfortable using that personally, love goes out to anyone who does though! I respect you and you are valid)
But whenever I DO think about it, or remember it, it just feels weird and dreadful. Like yeah I could probably life out my life as a cis woman without total discomfort, but I think if I’d have to start presenting overtly female - for whatever reason - I’d get very disphoric.
Some days I do like looking girly but other days I don’t.
And it’s especially weird because I’d love to look like a feminine dude??? Like I don’t mind femininity when it comes from a masculine place, I actually admire that, but for some reason femininity from a feminine place feels horrible?
Idfk. Gender is so weird. I probably wouldn’t ever transition because frankly I’d be terrified that I might have made the wrong choice and am just a very masc presenting woman.
But even calling myself a woman feels weird?!
Jesus, dude, idk… can anyone relate? 🥺
#non binary#genderfluid#gender non conforming#androdgynous#agender#again I don’t have a certain label#just tagging communities that might relate#trans experience?#afab#enby#gender disphoria#it/its#cw gender dysphoria#personal#txt.post#gender#identity crisis#pronouns#they/them#weird feeling#growing up#lgbtq community#girlhood is a spectrum from girl to ‘…am I a girl…?’#idk what else to tag#le sigh#i’m German if you’re wondering… but shhh don’t tell anyone#this is our secret… okay? *winks*#questioning#to be cis or not to be cis? That is the question!