https://www.tumblr.com/larentyouglad2/767189930096115712

I wish the boys would find those “fans” and blacklist from all future shows!! Fucking idiots!

I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling a little disappointed at myself for being a little dismissive and a smartass about things with Liam. There was no bullying or nastiness but now I'm just like "wow, that was ugly for me to think." I know better! I know that I don't know what other people are going through and that it's important to be gracious and err on whatever side is the kindest. And I know it wasn't just limited to Liam, though the guilt is more acute with him. I've just let myself get a little too comfortable not making an effort to understand people and just sending out mean thoughts and energy about people who I don't really know at all. Anyway. I'm a little disappointed in myself is all. Kind of a rude awakening to clearly see how I could have done something else instead.

I can understand the feelings for Liam, I didn't speak ill of him, I always wanted him to have help, however many of his attitudes during the time period he had the interview with Logan Paul, I questioned them a lot and they made me want to roll my eyes every time they passed, over time I understood that Liam was asking for help and it was very sad, I think that last week he was asking for help, but he was left in the hands of a person who only wanted to harm him 😿😿😿

I thought like you did also, regarding the interaction between Louis & Liam. I side-eyed the social media interactions a little between them thinking of it as just media hype, questioned why Liam would go to multiple of Louis’ latam shows, wear his merch and do these spontaneous meet & greets, etc. But hindsight is 20/20 and I realized this was all different than what I thought at the time.

I remembered when it was mentioned how hard Lottie & Louis fought to help their sister and how Louis helped that contestant on the x-factor with drug/alcohol treatment. Now I realize Louis probably recognized something was wrong with Liam because unfortunately Louis did have experience with this and was trying to get in touch with him when he couldn’t over the phone. Seeing Liam’s dad on Louis’ tour makes so much sense now too. I always thought Liam was invited to Louis’ show but I just felt it was a little strange at the time that he went to multiple shows. And with the timing for that book, it just looked shifty at the time. But now I think both Liam’s dad & Louis saw Liam struggling. Liam loves meeting with fans and I think this was a way Liam could feel support from Louis & Liam’s dad but also from fans. Liam’s dad filming these interactions with fans was probably a way to make Liam realize how many people cared about him also. I do think he hit a low point after seeing what people were saying about him on social media and with his music being recently shelved. It was most likely a very difficult & critical time for him.

I’m glad Liam was able to be with Louis & his dad to receive that support during that time and have those interactions with fans to show he was loved by people, because he was. Actually I need to use IS loved by fans. I hope he sleeps well as Louis said and I hope Louis has the support he needs to help him through another loss of a person so dear to him.

Oops, I word vomited too lol.

I’ve been feeling a little guilty for side eyeing some of Liam’s behavior this year. I definitely rolled my eyes when he got another dog and now I’m like “why did I have to have some smartass thing to say? I didn’t know the extent of what he was going through.” Like maybe I did think it was a little weird how he seemed to really be clinging to 1D stuff in recent months but maybe he was trying to get himself together. Maybe he went to see Niall in SA because he needed support from someone who understood his experience. I don’t know. But yeah I’d been worried about Liam for awhile and he seemed to be getting a little more desperate and worse and I hate that in retrospect it makes sense. I think he was trying to regain control over his life (including his substance use) and it sucks that it was all so public. I did not make mean posts or send hate or anything but I did have a few “oh Liam what are you DOING?!?” moments to myself and I wish I had been a little more gracious about it.

It’s dumb but I kinda wondered if Louis would put out a message for FITF turning 2 today. I guess selfishly I was thinking if he did, maybe then it would be a some small reassurance that he was doing ok. I wasn’t expecting it of course but I just hope he’s ok. Too many loses in his life already and I have to wonder how much more he can take. In seeing all of these videos continue to flood the timeline of the two of them shown together and hearing them supporting each other, makes my heart continue to ache. I knew they were close of course but I never realized how close til all the videos focusing on only the 2 of them. I know Liam’s funeral is coming up and I just hope there are no cameras, no fans, etc because Liam’s dad, mom, and sisters deserve to grieve in peace after all of this. They’ve been put through so much with these unanswered questions and to read the news before being notified, how horrible.