a quiet sea

VERY LONG POST ALERT

I've been doing a SGA rewatch. Seeing John and Teyla in a new light and wanted to spread the love and share some thoughts! Bear with me on that one. They might be more to come.

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I think The Legacy Series very cleverly exploited what had been established by the end of season 5. If we consider the Fandemonium books canon (Stargate Wiki certainly does) then John and Teyla are openly in love and in a committed relationship. The first couple of books reveal that Teyla had harboured feelings for him for a long time but believed he didn't see her in that way. Concept best illustrated by this scene, I believe. When Teyla offers a comfy thigh for his sleepy head and he doesn't say so much as a thank you and she looks discomfited to say the least.

And whether this was scripted or simply an acting choice on Rachel Luttrell's part, this look signifies a lot in an episode mentioning a man she has feelings for who has yet to make a move.

As stated in the books, following the deaths of Carson, Elizabeth and Kate, she sought comfort where she could find it, which was in the arms of a fellow Athosian whom she knew since childhood and who had the Gift as well. She tried to move on with her life with someone she trusted and loved. And it makes sense. Rachel Luttrell loved that about this storyline and I agree with her.

Truth be told, not much is happening regarding John and Teyla in the first three seasons, especially after season 1. John puts on the charm on her when they first meet the same way he does with every pretty girl they encounter on a mission, which clearly indicates that he finds her attractive. And she is INTO IT. Instantly. Her little smile and Colonel Sumner's raised eyebrow and barely concealed amusement LOL... The only moment of levity on his part regarding Sheppard...

You can glimpse that she might be falling for him right there and then. And the necklace scene.. Uuggghh the sexual tension there hehe.

John trusts her implicitly and immediately, it's beautiful to see. I love when he defends her against Bates when she's suspected to be a double agent for the Wraith. And he has little to show for it apart from the fact that he just really likes her and knows that she's a kind hearted person. It's not based on anything factual. Bates was absolutely right about that. And John losing his shit with him because he is well aware of that is delightful. He doesn't know why, yet, but he already adores her and will defend her honour to Earth and back (and that's a long way alright!). Same when she learns she has Wraith DNA and Bates once again suspects the worst. Teyla struggles to fit in and John is her anchor, for sure. Equally, I love when she volunteers to go through the gate with him when he has the iratus bug on his neck. She wants to do it straight away. Knowing she might not come back on the other side. She is already willing to do anything for him at the expense of her life and they've only known each other a few weeks by that point.

But after that first season... Nothing. Teyla finds an ally in Ronon as they both share the burden of not being from Earth and therefore being outsiders, to some extent. He takes John's place by her side and I am digging their friendship so hard it's unreal. Far more than I used to, actually. Ronon loves her so much it's so endearing. She is too reserved to show it in the same way but it's honestly so cute.

Regarding John, sure there is the Conversion episode. And to me it confirms what we already knew which is that John is attracted to Teyla and the virus lowered his inhibitions to the point that he just went and did what he probably thought about doing a handful of times. And the "He cares for you more than you know" body possession thing in The Long Goodbye is a clever way of insinuating that John has deeper feelings for her than he is letting on. Without truly committing to anything. And deeper feelings I believe he had from day one. That's how I had interpreted it. I just didn't think the writers were gonna do anything substantial about it.

And sure enough, John's relationship with her changes from season 2 onwards. It's subtle but you can feel that they have drifted apart, somewhat. Or perhaps things have now settled and John doesn't need to be so protective of her and her place on his team anymore. One thing I did notice is that Teyla is always annoyed when John flirts with other women. The camera is never focused on her specifically but you can see her doing a massive eye roll or else just staring at the back of his head everytime. Or sharing a look with Ronon. Sometimes all three LOL

I guess we can give season 3's episode The Ark an honourable mention for shippy content (and Sunday, more on that soon). When John is ready to die for her by landing the shuttle on the planet, even if Rodney deems it impossible. But that's just John for ya. He did the same for Elizabeth in The Real World. And Jennifer in The Seed. And for other people and Atlantis at large on too many occasions to count.

What the Remnants episode and subsequently the books did beautifully was to establish one paramount fact about John Sheppard. He considers himself a marked man whose impending death will be fate's retribution for his failure in Afghanistan. It was the defining moment of his character, I think. Every time he survives, it's just delaying the inevitable. And so risking his life trying to protect his team and Atlantis feels like fair dues. What else does he have to live for?

But then... Season 4 happened. And it is rather magnificent, in my humble opinion. I'm quite certain John is the one Teyla speaks of to her friend in Sunday. A man who is oblivious to her feelings for him. Very interestingly, that conversation about this mystery man happens at the exact same time Ronon is telling John that he always thought he and Teyla would hook up (Hurrah for Ronon, our biggest Sheyla supporter out there LOL). We know this because the explosion happens in both places shortly after. That, from a storytelling point of view, could not be more on the nose.

And so... in my view, Teyla got tired of pining. John wanted to spend time with her, risked his life saving her, freaked out when she was harmed but still, he did nothing. She was grieving. Kanaan was there. She knew and loved him. It made sense.

One thing I'm mad about is that, because the writers had to justify Rachel's pregnancy, they committed the ultimate sin: exposing Teyla's relationship with Kanaan to us rather than showing it. We had to make do with multiple characters saying something like "Oh the father is Kanaan, right? I noticed the way you spoke about him." KILL ME NOW.

Nothing is more off putting than forcing the audience to accept that something exists by telling them rather than giving them ON SCREEN evidence so they can buy it (looking at you, Ted Lasso). I mean... I would have probably hated the guy anyway (I am a shipper after all), but I don't know enough about him to have an opinion LOL. I only now understand Kanaan and his history with Teyla thanks to the books but it's certainly no thanks to the show.

Yet, it demonstrated one thing. The writers didn't care much about Kanaan. It was all about John and his feelings instead. They presented Kanaan as a fait accompli without doing any of the legwork to solidify their bond aside from some lukewarm scenes that defines them as nothing more than affectionate past lovers.

Instead, perhaps for the first time ever in the show, John gets emotional. Several times. And it's all to do with Teyla, let it be before or after the birth of Torren. More on that later.

I love this quote from the Outcast episode, when he goes back to Earth for his dad's funeral. I can't think of a better scene to encapsulate John's character:

This is referring to his father who, to John's surprise, regretted the way things had ended between them. But in truth, I think it applies to John himself as well. That's Sheppard in a nutshell. Keeping his cards close to his chest and never letting the people he loves know how much they matter to him. They might be snatched away, or he might let them down, or he might die and cause them pain. This is post pregnancy-revelation by the way. Considering the context of the episode, this again clearly referres to his family (namely dad, brother and ex-wife), but it also applies to himself, the way he treats his friends and perhaps, dare I say, the fact that he's too late and Teyla is no longer free.

I believe we witnessed something rather fascinating on the writers' part once the decision had been made to make an unknown man be the father of Teyla's child (and rumour has it John has once been the main candidate). They could have dropped the John/Teyla ball right there and then. They in fact had, as far as I was concerned, except for the small hints in The Ark and Sunday mentioned above. But then they picked it up again in a way that leads me to believe they actually wanted to keep the ball.

(Sidenote: This has been proven true because it was planned that John and Teyla would get together in the movie following the end of season 5. As stated here by executive producer Joe Mallozzi. I discovered this after writing this post).

They had the perfect opportunity to have Teyla and Kanaan drive off into the sunset (I know they don't have a car... you get my point LOL) and leave it there but... No. They wanted to keep the romantic tension alive. Which is fantastic to me.

First little clue that feels different is that when they encounter Larrin again and John swiftly enters prince charming mode, the camera purposely shows Teyla's reaction. Which never happened before. This feels very deliberate. And for the first time she doesn't look mildly annoyed but simply... resigned.

It fits nicely with the narrative that she thinks John simply does not reciprocate her feelings. Consider that this is an odd directing choice to make when the writers have already told us she is pregnant with another man's child (though John does not know it yet by that point, which is important to note). To me, they clearly wanted to show that she still has feelings for him but probably thinks she made the right call by deciding to try and move on.

Now. To the main subject... Following Teyla's pregnancy revelation, it appears that John, probably against his will, caught (shudders) emotions.

In a predictable and intrinsically human move (if slightly infuriating), he kinda loses it the moment he learns Teyla is not only seeing someone, but has also conceived child with another man. Now, I know what you're thinking. I am reading too much into it with my shipper goggles on. Well, first of all, no because he loves her that's canon.

Secondly, he shows a level of anger and disquiet that we rarely get to see. He is still John Sheppard and is SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE with anything to do with feelings. But it's undeniable that he is shaken and rattled by the announcement of Teyla's pregnancy. In a way that immediately feels personal. Like not much else ever has on the show. Bear in mind, her people are missing. She is expecting a baby. This is good news and he should be over the moon for her. A glimmer of hope in an otherwise very bleak and gloomy time. But no.

The man is aaaaangry. One could argue that he is just upset because she's under his command and she hid something that could very well jeopardise their missions... That's very true, too (though she makes a point of saying Athosian women remain very active up until the birth of their child). But nobody else cares about that. Not even Sam, who would be well within her right to give Teyla an earful about this. She hid it from everyone but only he reacts so badly. Ronon could have been upset too! He is perhaps a closer friend to her by that point, yet he doesn't feel betrayed by her dissimulation. In fact, he could not be more supportive. Everyone but John is super happy for her. Kudos to Lorne for giving her a hell of a pep talk. I love Lorne. What a guy.

They all trust Teyla and know she can look after herself. John of all people knows that more than anybody else! But this is different. He always respected her decisions but this, he cannot cope with... That's not a direction the writers would have taken had they truly wanted to sail that ship once and for all (see what I did there?).

What he is saying is:

"You put yourself, your child and the rest of the team in danger by hiding crucial information from me. NOT COOL!"

Based on what follows in the show and the books (and the never to be seen movie script), what he is actually saying is:

"You slept with someone and I didn't even know about it and had I known I would have taken my head out of my ass sooner and now it's too late YOU'RE PREGNANT how could you do this to me?? Sure I flirt with every skirt in my vicinity, I give no evidence whatsoever that I love you except when I'm possessed by alien entities taking away my free will and therefore disclosing things I would rather keep buried as deep as Atlantis when we first found it. And I know you have a lot on your plate with your people missing and your child potentially being the last of them and whatnot but WHAT ABOUT MY FEELINGS TEYLA???"

I firmly believe that this is more than Teyla hiding the pregnancy and putting herself in harm's way. I have evidence of this because he loves her it's canon because in a couple of episodes later, in Quarantine, he is the one telling her that she will do more good as a mother by being on the field than by staying home.

And in season 5, in The Queen, she makes the decision to pose as a Wraith Queen and risk her life and John, though very concerned, supports her decision.

That and his faith in her ability to fend for herself since day one are proof, in my book, that his initial reaction was not entirely to do with worrying about her safety. Don't get me wrong, it partly is! And he is mad as hell because she put herself in danger and she's under his responsibility so if she and her child die, that's on him. He has every right to be pissed off. What strikes me though is not so much the reason for his anger but the fuel behind it. The immediacy of it. The "losing his cool in front of Ronon and in the middle of a corridor" type of shit. The inability to bottle things up the way he usually does. It's personal. He is affected in a way that's impossible to repress, which happens to be his coping mechanism of choice. Therefore all the more jarring when he fails to do it. And it's not the only time when it comes to Teyla and the daunting possibility that she might no longer be a part of his life the way she used to:

This scene is very interesting to me. Again with the "in a corridor and in public" thing. This time because he learnt that Teyla is considering leaving the team... And once again, he cannot contain his fury.

True, she has not been upfront about her intentions, probably because she feared his reaction... BOTH TIMES. Uhm...

Both times, she is going through the wringer and he lashes out because he doesn't know how to properly articulate that he is deeply, deeply affected. Teyla must have known this unconsciously because she chose to hide something from him twice. She knew that he would react badly. I think she knows that he is holding back on her and burying feelings. Women know these things. Teyla was a part of his world in a way that he thought was never going to change. But he was wrong. And facing that is unbearable for him, turns out. Considering that they get together in the books (or would have gotten together in the movie), his behaviour makes SO MUCH SENSE.

He's not always a dickhead though. In Quarantine he assures her that her boy will have a family no matter what. Even if she dies, they will look after him. And that is FREAKING AWESOME. He HATES talking about deep stuff. But he also knows she needs to hear from him, specifically, that she's an amazing warrior super mama who's not meant to stay home and change nappies and that they all will be there to look after mini-Teyla if anything happens.

It's unbelievably wholesome and further proof that John loves and understands her so so so so much. And the fact that when the baby kicks for the first time she takes his hand and he feels it...

And then climbs a fucking tower like a fucking prince when he senses that she's really starting to worry. He is already that kid's stepdad I tell ya. I know that Atlantis was emitting a signal that could attract baddies and that the city was vulnerable and he had to do it but the defining factor for his reckless Batman move was seeing Teyla distressed and you cannot convince me otherwise.

One thing that really struck me as well was that in the following episode, Harmony, two pretty women flirt openly with John and Rodney. The latter is hot and bothered whereas John is utterly unmoved. Which is a first. He is even the one who wants to cut this short and leave. Fascinating, right? The timing of this, to me, shows that John is not emotionally available in that moment. Not so soon after realising he lost his chance with Teyla. Sure, one of the women puts the charm on him times a hundred when she sees he's not keen on staying and she theatens to undo their alliance should he decline. And it works because John is still John and I'm under no illusion that he is immune to seduction. But it really dawned on me that yes... John is now aware of his feelings for Teyla. It becomes tangible, if subtle, because it's the MGM and they don't do shippy stuff.... Except for Rodney. Because Rodney is their favourite golden child LOL

That being said... it's still John Sheppard we're talking about. In season 5 he clearly wants to hook up with Larrin and then hangs out with sexy scientists because well..... Teyla is not impressed btw LOL

We can't really blame him. He thinks he missed his chance after all.

Now... Speaking of season 5...

I think it's fair to say that John Sheppard thought he would not die of old age. He was traumatised by Afghanistan (btw I think it's no coincidence Teyla was the only one who wasn't a threat to him in Phantoms, and appeared to him as someone he trusted and loved) and his failed marriage. By adding the otherwise utterly useless Dream Sequence between he and Teyla in Search and Rescue, it's clear to me the writers wanted to tell the audience John always had feelings for Teyla but had never allowed himself to go there because of the above. Also he perhaps had not realised the extent of those feelings. Until it was too late. Which is tragic. So I love, LOOOOOVE that they get together in the books. I love that he succumbs to his feelings for her and now has a partner and even a son to live for. Finally! Finally his existence is no longer about mere survival. It's what his character deserved all along. I love that she reminds him that he is a good man and adresses his fears head on. I love that he helps her embrace her Wraith heritage and her role as both a leader and a mother. I love that they lay kisses on each other's ugly parts. With nothing but mutual understanding, acceptance and love.

I love them your honour.

John Sheppard and Teyla Emmagan | Stargate: Atlantis (2004-2009)