“Fear haunts you and pain hates.”
The rain soaks through his hoodie, the material clinging to his skin, reminding him that this day is always dark and dreary. It’s never a day that brings any resemblance of calm or anything remotely close to sunshine. This day is always in the back of his mind, always waiting to creep up on him again and further remind him of the past, the horror of what he’s done, and the reality of how dark today really is.
“I’ll find you”
It makes sense it would be raining today. That the day would be storming and it would go along with how Theo is feeling and his own emotional turmoil that has taken hold of him little by little. A disturbance in his otherwise mundane life that he has now. It clings to him, never getting close enough to fully break him, but just enough to get into his head and stew at the back of his mind.
It haunts him, reminding him that he’s the problem, he’s the one that caused this and if anyone ever pays close enough attention to him and asks why he’s alone on certain days of the year, he will adamantly inform them that they’re mistaken. That can’t be Theo because Theo doesn’t feel, doesn’t hurt. Not like other people. He’d much rather lay in his own self pity today than have anyone around to sour his mood even more than it already is.
Theo shivers as another gust of wind hits his skin, forcing the hoodie to cling even tighter around him, fully soaked through with rain. He looks out across the bridge, at the raindrops pelting the water below, and it’s almost peaceful. If only it wasn’t ruined by a prior memory and haunted by thoughts of what once was. It has him wanting to laugh, wanting to cry at the realization of who he is, and who he was that is all tied up into his childhood.
He gets up painfully, his body still sore from sitting for so long in one position and the cold still making his teeth chatter. Theo almost has a fleeting thought of what it must have been like to freeze, but he quickly swallows. The pain is forced back down beneath the surface. He tucks it away for another time and another place. Tucks it away for some other version of him that can handle the monster he turned out to be.
There’s always a sense of dread in not knowing if things could be different, or if anything could be changed. He wonders if where he is right now would cease to exist? If different choices were made and if Theo had grown up more normal than he did, maybe he wouldn’t still be here. Maybe that’s the real problem. The uncertainty. The curiosity of wanting to explore a different path, a different way, something that he can quantify and try to at least come to terms with. Only he can’t.
I’ll find you
Theo makes the long walk back to his truck, still shivering as the wind continues to hit his body and the rain soaks him to the bone. He manages to stop his teeth from chattering but his body still aches from the rain. He can’t complain. It’s the least he deserves for all of this.
He reaches the truck and slides in, as his phone lights up, flashing Liam’s name across the screen. Theo adjusts the heat and lets it fill the truck fully before answering the phone. Liam will call back. He never lets him get away with not answering for long and he smiles at the thought of Liam calling again. It helps to lessen the pain in his chest from the cold, lessen the scattered memories replaying in his head, and the shivering that’s taken hold of him again.
The heat warms him, but only to a point, only enough to stop the ache in his throat just as his phone starts to vibrate again.
“Hello.” Theo answers, his voice sounding rough even to his own ears. He’s tired and hasn’t slept in a few days. Mix that with the cold and the terrible day that he’s having, he can’t bring himself to sound any better.
“Theo!! Everyone is sick or away, and Mason is with Corey checking out UCLA. Even though they already got in. I'm here by myself. “ Liam sighs dramatically and Theo sighs too.
“Okay. Thanks for the information.” He grunts. Theo takes his hoodie off, letting the wet clothing hit the floor and Theo pauses as Liam is silent on the other end of the line. Probably stewing at his comment, always wanting to get the last word in and argue with him.
“I’m saying it’s a cold night.” Liam tells Theo. Another shiver makes his way down his spine, and he nods in agreement.
“Can you come over?” Liam asks, growing quiet on the other end of the line. There is a silence that settles between them. He’s never asked for Theo to come over because he’s never had to. Theo winds up at the Geyer household on most days and the days that he doesn’t make it over there, he is up listening to Liam over the phone.
“Why?” Theo turns the heat up higher, plugging his phone into the charger and starting the truck.
“I haven’t heard from you all day. I was worried.” Liam explains.
“Oh.” Theo whispers, almost not believing what he’s hearing. Someone is worried. Worried about him. His heart almost starts to beat faster at the thought. The thought of knowing Liam’s wondering about him, thinking about him when he’s not around, and something shatters. Soft and slow at first, but it shatters all the same.
“I..sorry.” He says hoarsely, closing his eyes at how he says the word sorry. At the hesitation in his voice from the unfamiliar word that feels strange coming from him, but this is Liam. He’s not anyone and he’s not someone he can ignore. Theo is sorry.
“It’s okay…just hurry up. I waited to eat this pizza because I figured you would come over while everyone is out of town. So, don’t make me eat this alone.” Liam says gently, almost teasing as Theo swallows down the lump in his throat, the aching that has engulfed him. Engulfed his mind and body.
Liam waited for him? He’s almost confused, partially touched, along with something else that he can’t put his finger on, but he speeds a little quicker down the highway. He doesn’t want to keep Liam waiting any longer. Theo is also starving. He lost focus on eating since he had to get here in time before it rained, but that didn’t work out too well. Instead he ended up sitting in the rain anyway.
“Okay. I’ll be there soon.” Theo agrees and hangs up before he can change his mind. Before he can try to rationalize why he can’t be around anyone today, and why he has no energy to deal with anything or anyone. Except Liam.
Hold on and I’ll find you.
“Stay on the line with me?” Liam offers and Theo’s brain nearly short circuits at the softness in Liam’s tone, in the way he can hear him say his name, almost having him yearning to see his face.
“Sure, I’ll keep you safe.” Theo chuckles, still shivering but it’s not as distracting now. Liam laughs, helping the drive pass quickly even with the short distance that it already is. Theo doesn’t mind driving. Not when he is going somewhere he likes to be, which isn’t a lot of places, but recently all the places he likes being at happen to have Liam at them too. He won’t unpack what that all means.
Somehow he finds his way to Liam’s house, even with his chatter about how he’s insulted that he can’t make cookies for Theo before he gets there, because everyone thinks he’s going to set the house on fire. Theo can only nod because all he hears is that Liam wants to make him cookies. Has anyone ever made him cookies? He’s pretty sure they haven’t.
Finally, finally he makes it to the Geyer house. The pain in his chest, all the pressure, finally subsides and the ache lessens somehow. He can breathe again. The soaked clothes he’s wearing, the tears that had stained his cheeks before, are on hold. Theo can move again, or he can at least be distracted for a while.
Theo walks up to the front porch and places his hand on the door handle, just as it opens.
“Hey….what…Theo.” Liam’s eyes widen, his eyes shining bright, but his face falls into a frown when he takes in the sight of the soaking wet chimera. Theo should have changed. Now he has to find a way to explain himself, but Liam doesn’t say another word. He ushers him in the house and into his living room.
Liam opens a small closet and takes out more blankets than Theo has seen in a while. Liam frantically throws them towards Theo, still frowning. Theo stands up but can barely get a word in while Liam runs up the stairs and slams drawers. The sound of him slamming things echo throughout the house. Theo waits for Liam to come back, staring at the pizza on the table and Marvel movies strewn throughout the table.
Liam comes barreling back down the stairs and stops in front of Theo, barely taking a breath.
“Okay, I don’t know if this will work, but if it is a little short that’s okay. At least it’s warm.” Liam pants out, handing him some dry clothes. Theo doesn’t say a word, but takes the clothes and finds the nearest bathroom. He’s found it’s best to pick his battles with Liam. They fight and argue about a lot of things, but when Liam has his mind set on something it’s hard to dissuade him.
Theo quickly changes and heads out of the bathroom and sees Liam sprawled on the couch, with a slice of pizza in his hand and even more blankets beside him. He wonders how many blankets this house must have and shakes his head at Liam.
“I think this is enough little Alpha.” Theo sits beside Liam, placing the blanket over him and grabbing another blanket before Theo can stop him. Liam drapes a blanket over Theo’s shoulders, tightly wrapping it around him and his frown finally subsides.
“Today is cold.” Liam hums, leaning back on Theo’s shoulder. The touch reaches its way down Theo’s spine, warming him to his core.
“I’ll keep you safe too.” Liam smiles, his soft blue eyes radiating warmth, tenderness, and something he has never been familiar with. Not until Liam.
“Yeah? From what?” Theo smirks at him, still trying to maintain his normal demeanor even in the midst of being this close to another person. His shoulders almost shake from the contact, making it too much and not enough at all. He wants to bolt, wants to stay, and both feelings pulling at him cause him to pull away.
Liam leans back, a little farther away now, but still remains sitting next to him. Theo takes a slice of pizza, taking a bite and trying to get rid of his hunger. Liam remains quiet, taking a slice for himself and holding up different movies for Theo to see. Theo doesn’t care too much about what they watch, but he does pick Spiderman. Something he doesn’t mind and when Liam’s eyes light up, he knows that he has chosen correctly.
Theo settles back on the couch again, gently brushing his shoulder against Liam’s, testing it out. Liam smiles, leaning back and watching the movie. Time seems to fade away as Theo gets lost in the movie, the warmth of the blankets, and Liam firmly leaning against him. The contact is settling the ache in his chest. Until it is no longer there.
“Theo?” Liam whispers, barely audible but it’s there. He turns and looks at Liam, his face clouded with worry and it pains Theo to see Liam’s face filled with such anguish. He raises his eyebrows at him in question, wanting to settle Liam’s doubt, and trying to understand what he is feeling.
“You know I could have come with you right?” Liam tenses up beside him.
“What? Where?” Theo rolls his eyes, smiling back at Liam to ease his worry.
“I know what day it is. I remember. I remember most things about you. So I can keep you safe. So we can keep each other safe.” Liam presses into his side tighter, and his hand finds Theo’s. The gentleness of the touch on his hand eases his nerves.
“Will you stay?” Liam sits up, gently running his palms over Theo’s shoulders, and moving the blanket tighter around him.
“For how long?” Theo asks, almost unsure of what the impact will be depending on how he answers Liam.
“From now until…eternity.” Liam winks at him, a soft smile playing on his lips. “But we can start with tonight.”
Theo nods, his body warm, his hunger pains soothed, and tonight is fine. He can handle one night. Especially when Liam runs his fingers over his palm, and he can breath again.
