ColdFlash AU detective and forensic files.

may the horse be with you

Young queer folks. I love you. I love how you play with gender and sexuality, how you embrace identities. Your definitions and microlabels have saved my life, maybe literally. Growing up in a world where there was no word for ‘demisexuality’ was a very lonely experience for me. It was when I arrived on tumblr (for fandom!) in my early 40s that I learned a word that would have changed my life at 18-21. And that’s before we start talking about what it was like not to know ‘gay’ was really a thing till I was 17. Or that when I came out as bi in my 20s I got some serious stigma for it (including from friends who told me I was greedy and meant lesbian and should say it). Just to start with.

Things got (a little) better. The queer kids are all right.

So here’s the caveat.

I guess I’ve aged into the ‘queer elder’ space, and I didn’t notice till recently. And I’m okay with it. But I would like younger queer people (who have given me so much) not to victim blame me for the world I grew up in and the queer generational culture I move in. I’d like more younger queer folk to listen and not judge me by their own generation’s standards.

Don’t tell me I should have known the word demisexual in 2011. You were on tumblr then - I was not. I was marching and meeting with my queer groups. Some of whom may have known the word. Many who did not.

Don’t weaponise folks my age for an exclusionist agenda. “You can take the word ‘queer’ out of my cold dead hands,” my friend in his 50s said, when I told him about the revisionist history some kids are associating with the term.

Don’t share misinformation and wrong history about the AIDS era/generation and then tell me I don’t know anything when I try to tell you about what happened to my friends and their friends.

Don’t tell me your generation invited gender diversity/nonconformity when you weren’t there reading Gender Outlaw and Stone Butch Blues and organising the trans group meetings and starting the conversations that shaped the world you live in now. If you weren’t there when my spouse (and many others) trailblazed ‘they/them’ pronouns in the 2000s, you won’t know how they got pushback inside and outside of the queer movement, and how far we’ve - and you’ve - come.

And while we’re here, I’d like you to remember that there *are* queer people among the Gen Xers and yes, even the Boomers. We need to be humble about how much we still have to learn, but we built those foundations that you’re standing on, looking down on us. If you tell me queer folks my age should be quicker to embrace the concept of asexuality, for example, you’re right - but you might not know about the activism some of us are doing among our generation’s queer culture to change mindsets, building on an activist history that we’ve been part of.

You may not know how hard we fought and how far we stumbled so you could pick up the baton and run.

One day, you will.

Be good to the younger generation when you get there. I hope they’re good to you in return.

If y'all liked the unidentifiable yellow glitter goo you'll love the time I made wine out of marshmallow Peeps

...how???

Well you see. The ingredience for wine are:

-yeast

-sugar

-time

And it turns out the yeast aren't really that picky about what kind of sugar you give them, as long as there's enough of it

Peepswine moodboard

It ended up tasting kinda like a very mild, sweet white wine, with a faint but unmistakable aftertaste of marshmallow

The 100% true and honest answer is someone said the phrase "fermented peeps" around me at exactly the right time and I went "ohhh that's a sin I simply must commit"

This has hit a big subreddit, I'm told, so hi! If you came here looking for the peepswine post, here it is

@kleptoandpyro

I'm happy that my friends see something about making weird wine and think of me 😂

did some coloring practice to take a break from scrubbing data, and i think it turned out pretty good 😌 might do this again at some point

I’m sorry milord, but the peasants are nailing erotic artwork of you and your court jester to the church doors again

and the ship name, squire? what is the ship name

“… Kinglebells, m'lord.”

im mostly interested in how many ppl are children of immigrants, so if one of your parents is an immigrant and one isn't, vote parents are immigrants. for previous generations, choose whichever applies to most members of that generation or if that doesn't work, whichever feels most right to you.

say where ur from in the tags!

I did my family tree a few years ago, managed to go back almost 1000 years through church records up one branch, back so far that people's surnames are just where they're from, y'know, and discovered that some of those motherfuckers were born literally 10 minutes down the road from the village I'm from :/ Still can't decide if I'm horrified or impressed to this day

I have done terrible things, I am not excused of my actions, don't let your thirst for me blind you to my character, I've killed innocent people - imagine if one of those victims was a person in your family or friend group, would you still feel the same about me? I'm actually quite dangerous, what I'm not is a "poor little meow meow."

wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckin amateurs 

also wear shoes that aren’t your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything

what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??

Wear a wig. Contact lenses . Change your accent . Change Hand when writing . Layer up to make you look big if your small n vice versa . Contour the hell outta your face.

Get your car interior thoroughly washed, then purposely dirty it up again.

Also use an icicle for the weapon because it melts away Buy a ticket to a show and tell as many people / post it on social media that u went to the show

Y'all suspect af😂

*adds 363,462 more people to list of that I will fuck never with*

Make sure you set up a solid alibi Pay for everything in cash

Or, for those of you who’ve read Roald Dahl’s Lamb to the Slaughter, feed the murder weapon to the police

Bodies should be buried vertically, not horizontally, to avoid the appearance of a grave. If you choose to dismember the body instead of bury it whole don’t forget to take a lighter or bottle of lye to the fingertips until charred or melted away, and use bleach on every surface that may have come in contact with blood splatter.

Also, don’t fucking brag about it later Jesus wept.

all this info is good for writing

but for actual real life, no one on tumblr has enough energy to get out of bed

ain’t no body on this website is gonna murder anyone

Make friends with a pig farmer. A full grown nursing sow can eat an entire human body, bones and all, in about 6 hours.

Shit that last one is more helpful than I wanted it to be, I’ll never look at pigs the same

Reblogging for *educational* purposes :)

This post is legendary and I’m so glad I found it. I love all the advice. Except the icicle. That’s technically impossible. Use a disposable knife instead and break the handle.

use a glass knife with wooden handle for ultimate wounding. its gonna leave a severe fucking wound and u can burn the wood and melt down the glass if it doesnt shatter inside the victim.

Thomas what did i tell you about making suspiious posts?

I love learning.

IT’S ON MY DASH I REPEAT IT’S ON MY DASH.

ON MY DASH

WHAT THE FUCK IT’S ON MY DASH. ALSO JEVER TRUST ANYONE WITH MORE THEN 3 pigs

Always reblog

“Never trust anyone with more than 3 pigs” is the best thing I’ve ever read

on another note, I just remembered Roald Dahl wrote Lamb to the Slaughter (I read it in sophomore year)

Dummies.

Bury one (1) oyster in the yard for two weeks. Put it on the plate with a bunch of others, serve to victim.

There’s plenty of health risks when it comes to eating raw seafood- No one will bat an eye.

World Heritage Post

Six years later, my dumb ass realizes I never said you also have to pull at least some of the teeth to prevent a match to dental records.

If you need to burn a car do so with the windows open or it wont work right

A syringe of air in a vein will induce a heart attack. Do it between the toes for maximum hiddeness (courtesy of one of these other posts)

Also, if you learn the victims allergies, you might find a tayler made poison

Unfortunately the syringe of air thing isn’t foolproof, especially if you’re doing it in a part of the body where the air would have a chance to dissipate before reaching the heart.

With that said, injecting tap water may work. It’s the wrong salinity for your body and veins don’t like chlorine, but by the time anyone gets to do an autopsy it’ll have dissipated into the victim’s blood. If possible, use a small-gauge needle and place it close to the heart. If you can locate the jugular vein, it’s a pretty good choice.

Also remember, VEINS not ARTERIES. Arteries are pumping blood away from the heart and through the body. Veins are returning it from the body to the heart.

The needles and seeds of Yew trees contain Taxine A and B alkaloids among other harmful compounds. 25g of needles or 50g of seed is enough to kill an adult human in 2-5 hrs via cardiac arrest. Grind it up, put a lethal dose in their food and they'll die very quickly. It'll look like food poisoning symptoms at first and then progress into a heart attack. Fatal yew poisonings are often overlooked because the only way to confirm is to find partially digested parts of the tree in their stomach. So you grind it up. You'll usually find yew trees in old graveyards and churches because they grow for thousands of years and as such became associated with death and immortality.

Notable mentions are also Hemlock, which grows everywhere; mushrooms we're talking the Destroying Angel, Death Cap, Funeral Bell, Deadly Webcap and Panther Cap if you want to give someone flu symptoms that progress to liver failure in under 24 hours.

If the victim is a forager then even better as then the poisoning can be explained as a self inflicted accident.

Hey rarepair shippers, I'm about to change your lives.

The AO3 Primary Ship Search add-on for Firefox (it's called AO3 First Tag Search for Chrome) adds this little checkbox to the AO3 advanced search page

And if you check the box, the search only returns fics where the pairing you entered is the first one tagged. This is better than the otp:true operator imo because it will show fics with secondary/background pairings too as long as your preferred ship is the main one.

You can even use the add-on in Firefox or Kiwi browser on Android mobile.

Have fun 😘

(more ao3 tips here)

WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!

Granted, not everyone gets the ships in the "right" order, but I'll bet like 90% of them do.

We wish you a warm welcome to the Centennial Husbands Big Bang!

This is a Big Bang challenge focused around all things Dreamling (Dream of the Endless/Hob Gadling) from the Sandman comics and show, brought to you by the @mr-sadman Modteam!

Without further adue, here are all of the details!!

Oh look, it seems everyone has been opted into the unfortunate "experiment" now. For everyone who has been blissfully using the old UI up until now, welcome to hell :)

Do you not like hell? Do you want to leave and crawl back up into the sunlight of the old UI? Well, have I got a link for you! A beautiful tumblr user (who is not me) has gone and fixed things beautifully for you already: https://github.com/enchanted-sword/dashboard-unfucker

You will need to have Tampermonkey installed on your browser of choice, and once that's done, just go to the github link above, and peruse the readme to install. And voila! You have your old dash back!

The authors of XKit Rewritten said during the experiments that at the time, since this was an "experiment" they weren't going to implement anything to revert to the old UI (although who knows if they'll do it now). And the dashboard unfucker has worked beautifully enough for me to where I genuinely couldn't tell if they had ended the experiment or not.

If you had shown me this site in 2005 I would have asked you if had checked your virus software lately, because this looks like a bad one. I would have clicked away so fast it would give you whiplash. Looking at these sites now, I have to convince myself that they aren’t virus laden sites and fight against the pavlovian urge to just navigate away.

I navigate away anyways because fuck them, there’s usually a better site (though they are dwindling quickly). I still can’t get over how the internet “as intended” today looks like a malware ridden fever dream from 20 years ago. This is every story I’ve ever read about an empire that used to be great and has now fallen into turmoil.

Beloveds, there is a wonderful website that gets rid of all that crap<3

OOOOH.

Welp. It's time. This seal is drowning and needs a paddle to keep afloat. Send help.

Sorry about this, but it would help if you all could share this. Really.

April 26th 2023

We've worked hard and climbed our way out of a lot of the debt, thanks to everyone here who was able to help!

Now we really just need help trying to replace our car. There's a crack in the oil thing, which means water is getting in it, which I'm told is a Bad Thing waiting to happen. Any help at all would be very much appreciated.

I am tired but alive.

April 30th 2023

The head gasket where the oil is is cracked, which means water is getting in, which is something Incredibly Bad. My dad is cleaning it often to try to prevent it getting out of hand, but it's "could actually kill us" bad.

Our car is too old and out of shape for us to just repair this one part for us to just fix it, because just the part would be $1000-2000 dollars. JUST the part.

We need to trade it on and afford a down payment on a vehicle that can do what we need and withstand our bad roads.

We have a little saved, but it's not enough. I checked with my parents again to see what we can do. But we will need $1800 to add to what we have. Please help if you can, share if you can't.

We live in the rural middle of nowhere, miles and miles away from a grocery store. We CANNOT afford to not use what we have in the meantime. But it's rolling the dice and I don't like those odds.

Please help.

Raised: $25 out of $1800

April 30th 2023

$100 out of $1800

May 6th 2023

$248 out of $1800

May 8th 2023

$348 out of $1800

May 24th 2023

$448 out of $1800

June 3rd 2023

$450 out of $1800

Thank you to those who are sharing and a special thank you to those who have recently donated.

$100+ that I had saved up myself from work for the car fund had to go towards keeping the water from getting shut off, so I was feeling discouraged. But three recent donors made the big difference so I didn't backslide as much as it could have and even gained more ground. I appreciate all of you so much.

Please continue to share, I know the notes look high, but the majority are me and a few mutual sharing as much as possible.

June 11th 2023

These hits got me feeling like

So our washer quit, our stove is now a serious health and fire hazard, and we're behind on two bills, all on top of the car. My dad has to have a dentist appointment because he's literally down to his last chewing tooth, and all three of us need new glasses.

Please help or share as you can.

I had to pay $95 just for the new prescription for mine and I'm trying to find affordable glasses online if anyone has recommendations.

July 11th 2023

Where to start... So much. Managed to replace the washer, but we'll be paying it off for a while.

Still have to replace the death trap stove, still have to replace the death trap car, and now my mom needs a new computer because hers has finally died after 12+ years so she can try and earn money.

Dad and myself still need glasses and dentist appointments and we're still behind on the light bill and storage, and Mom got scammed out of $300.

I'm getting more work and doing everything I can, but still so tired and just getting more tired while having to deal with my own health. Share or help if you can please.

I hope you're all doing okay -sending hugs-

July 22nd 2023

I leveled up to age 31 a few days ago! Thank you to everyone that wished me a happy birthday 🎂 🥳 It was nice a quiet. And thank you to those who sent a donation on my bday qwq it's helped out. A lot.

I still have to pay off bills for the lights and wifi this month so we don't get even more behind, and afford to (i REALLY NEED to) go to the dentist hopefully within the next month.

I'm going to ballpark the funds needed at about $650. $300 for bills and $350 for dentist.

Every little bit and sharing helps!

Raised: $0/$650

TMI about teeth