I THINK YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE SINCE YOU KNOW I’M TRYING TO GET MYSELF TO GO AHEAD AND WRITE “ENGAGED, BUT NOT ON PURPOSE” THE STORY OF HOW YUURI DRUNK TELLS EVERYONE HE’S ENGAGED AND VIKTOR HAS THE GALL TO SEE THE VIDEO AND GO ‘WELL BETTER PACK MY BAGS’ AND PLAY ALONG.

So instead I will give you the outline of some poponaughty:

- combo with a firefly/space AU: phichit and chris are set up by a mutual friend / space grindr. they meet at a charming harvest festival and dance one dance with a local. little did they know the dance they danced was the marriage dance and poor georgi has been fixin to be wed for *ages* now.

- georgi and chris get into a bit of a competition insta vs twitter and who can get the most likes/whatever. somehow they find themselves married to phichit chulanont when really they just meant to get a great picture of some rings. things escalated…?

So ok I feel like this one has to do with latte art. Like Viktor is a big-time latte artist, but when he fails to show up to a critical competition the russian government/his sponsors/the russian crime dairy family decide to rein him in and ““rein”“ in his distraction.

(In Viktor’s defense, it is a boy and have you seen his eyes????)

(In Yuuri’s defense he doesn’t even really like coffee?? He boils monsters when he wants his caffeine hot. This is a summer job and the whole latte art world championships thing was a fluke.)

So this would be part of my why-am-i-doing-this Mass Effect AU since that’s what I’ve got on the brain right now and hey, space AU with worldbuilding all right there. I could see the fake dating component going a lot of ways:

- Viktor pretends to be Yuuri’s boyfriend so he can board his ship after Yuuri returns to the Flotilla. (Since technically Viktor has no reason to be there and a lot of reasons to be off doing other things.) Flaw in his plan is that he’s Commander Fucking Nikiforov and everybody in the galaxy knows who he is and everybody in the Migrant Fleet knows that Yuuri has a great big interspecies crush on him so they let him on the ship and embarrass Yuuri mightily by pretending not to know who he is. 

- The same thing but the people of the Fleet don’t know shit about who Viktor is and they don’t care, but he seems like a nice boy when he makes Yuuri smile.

- Viktor has to do “““research”““ in a steamy bar on one of the steamy bar planets/the citadel. He brings Yuuri for backup and also for ~romance.

- the robot AI antagonists think two organics standing next to each other means they’re doin it and Viktor *must* continue the charade for galactic diplomacy. Who know robot AI antagonists had such strong feelings about monogamy?

- Yurio pretends to date various members of the crew in his quest to show Yuuri that he is mature and sexually available. (It doesn’t work.)

(this is a really fast and loose Mass Effect AU also)

It may have taken me four months, but HERE IT IS:

Title: sexy french depressionFandom: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)Rating: Teen And Up AudiencesWarnings: No Archive Warnings ApplyRelationships: Makkachin & Victor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri/Victor NikiforovCharacters: Victor Nikiforov, Makkachin (Yuri!!! on Ice), Katsuki YuuriAdditional Tags: Makkachin is Viktor’s Best Friend, World’s Smartest Dog, Viktor’s Sadness Jamboree, Loneliness, Depressionish, Fluff and Angst, Domesticity, InsecuritySummary: Viktor’s formal education ends on his fifteenth birthday.

shrimp maruchan instant lunch is my forever girl

E: if you wrote a sequel to [insert fic]. what would it be about?

i feel like i riffed about this for [player] in the comments. with @sonatine? i am remembering it more now: mila and sara travel down to the fledgling hasetsu, oregon to join the others because the mission just isn’t doing it for them. they live in a cabin on the coast with no men for miles except yurio visits them a lot and screams about stuff and otabek stares at the ocean. emil is a pony express mail deliverer.

I AM GOING TO WRITE A CLOSET PERVERT AU THING FOR @codenamecesare IT’S GONNA HAPPEN SOMEDAY despite the fact that i said i would never do a sequel for that fic whooops. i think it will be them settling into fukuoka and maybe visiting yuuri’s parents for the first time and/or taking an instagram beach vacation. not sure. haven’t decided. want it to be good enough.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

i’m not so much guilty as MAD and FEELING HOODWINKED and also CONFUSED and WANTING TO DO WORLDBUILDING that i have enjoyed @lazulisong‘s a/b/o fics as much as i have.

M: got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

i haven’t been writing recently, but i have quite a few fics that are sitting in the early-middle stages of development. i really want to write that damn fic about yuuri doing a lexus commerical but every time i open the doc i feel really tired and watch old snl clips on youtube instead.

This premise is not currently on any burners, but I don’t think I’ve shared it before and I do want to use it someday:

N: is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

i know i’ve said ‘i wish there was/i want to read [xyz]’ a zillion times before, but i can’t recall any specific premises. wait now i can. yuuri the sex bot, all the public access channel viktor (COOKING SHOW BLENDER DICK PICS, THE BIRDS AND THE V’S).

U: share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

no but i’m really bad at this. okay. okay, here are three authors whose fics i have read/re-read recently. mostly i like when writers can transport me and also make me Feel Feelings.

@codenamecesare with Looking for a rhythm like you, because it makes me happy.

shysweetthing with Undiscovered Country, because i just got to read the last 2 updates today and it f u c k e d m e u p.

and then i was on a xylophones kick earlier. Solid AUs.

3:What’s your favorite line of narration? 

line, paragraph, who’s counting

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

So okay, my favorite parts of this fic are the parts where I went you know what this needs? A reminder that Yuuri is a pervert. Equal parts sexual and weird. Weirdly sexual. Sexualized weird things. Fuck you in the dark so my sense of smell is stronger. Yuuri jerkin it in a train station bathroom (SO UNHYGIENIC I HOPE HE USES HAND SANITIZER AFTER). And then Viktor too, not washing out that damn toothbrush.

Those are my favorite parts of this fic because in this fic they are, in the perfect words of someone who commented, so freaky for each other. That was what I wanted. Weird puzzle pieces in the sex puzzle of life.

So you can actually sort of see the beginnings of Edit Sober start to play out here. The more concrete start happened in a skypechat, but I uploaded it into an AO3 comment here.

Basically I was spitting out ideas after writing Quidditch fic, and then the scene where Yuuri and Viktor are in bed and Yuuri’s like ‘…….is our son in love with me’ fleshed itself out.

Originally the whole thing (Edit Sober, all of numberoneyuurifan and THEREALnumberoneyuurifan) happened in the same universe as Quidditch fic. I just decided I would rather write a real fic for Yurio’s Terrible Crush in canon so I removed all references to wizard reblogs. I’m glad I did, because it has more staying power, but I’m sad I haven’t had cause to use “wizard reblogs” in a fic yet.

Viktor runs a pet shop that specializes in fish and dogs, and his nephew Yuri is very tired of it. It’s just weird, okay, fish and dogs are a weird combination. He should have just stuck with one! Or the other! Or cats!! Why doesn’t Viktor have any cats! It’s ridiculous and Yuri hates him for it.

(“What do you mean I don’t have any cats,” is what Viktor has to say on the subject. “I have you, don’t I? You’re always here. I don’t even pay you.”)

One day who walks in but a dreamboat with enormous dark eyes and a dead goldfish in a bag. He’s like the woman who saunters into a private investigator’s office asking about her husband at the beginning of the movie, before anyone has technically died. He’s devastating and definitely going to cause trouble. He’s about to cry.

(”My roommate won him at the fair and I was supposed to watch him this weekend but he died while I was in the shower I don’t know what to do!”)

Yuri is about to tell him to just get a cat when Viktor swoops in all ‘fair goldfish never last very long’ and ‘ha ha here’s my personal number’. Dreamy McGoldfishKiller looks up at Viktor and the slow spread of the blush across the bridge of his nose makes both Viktor and Yuri forget where they are long enough that when they come back to themselves Dreamy is gone.

(Dreamy, whose name is also Yuuri how dare he, thinks a pet shop that specializes in fish and dogs is wonderful. Yuri questions his taste in men.)

Everything is the same except Mari gets knocked up and decides to have the baby when Yuuri’s about to start his last year in Detroit. The baby wears a lot of katsudon-themed onesies and the whole family raises her together. In the absence of Vicchan, she is Yuuri’s favorite small and cute thing when he comes back to Hasetsu in disgrace.

Viktor still rolls up like ‘sup Katsuki fam I wanna show my dick to your son, but then?? There is a baby???? There is a baby!!!!! His coaching techniques begin to involve the baby, who is entranced by his pale-haired foreignness. Uncle Vicchan is the best at the airplane game, is all she’s sayin (she can’t talk, but she stares at Viktor unblinking for hours, probably there is something genetic about that that skipped Mari, Yuuri used to do it too. Still does it).

So Yuuri runs around town wearing a baby strapped to his back and sometimes other people forget the baby is troublemaker Mari’s and not actually Yuuri’s. (Mari loves that Yuuri runs with the baby, it helps her sleep, she’s very grateful.) Viktor takes the baby to her first festivals that are also his first festivals and they both gasp and smile and laugh at the same times and when Yuuri looks at them he aches. When Viktor watches Yuuri and the baby and Makkachin curl up on his Please-Marry-Me sized bed he has to grab a wall or something because his old man knees give out.

This is one universe where Viktor doesn’t steal a baby because he already has one. (Not that she’s actually his! Ha! Aha! He wants a child so badly!!!!)

oh def this is about numberoneyuurifan in an early 2000s AU context. someone says something about yuuri being fat and talentless in a comment on numberoneyuurifan’s Fandom Famous time travel aristocracy AU, The Tsar and the Skater, and numberoneyuurifan goes on a rage bender for like a month.

HEAVEN GAVE US KATSUKI YUURI, numberoneyuurifan types, AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY IT.