kittykattaffy reblogged
Important rules/tips I've learned as an adult that helped with anxiety
- If people are mad at you, it's their responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess
- If they're mad at you in secret anyways, they're the ones in the wrong, not you
- If people don't like what you're doing, it's their responsibility to tell you
- If they say it's fine when it's really not, they're the ones in the wrong, not you
- People are allowed to be wrong about you
- If they are wrong about you, wait for them to bring it up, because if you try to, you will inevitably overcorrect
- Some people are committed to misunderstanding you. You will not win arguments against them. Yes, even if you explain your point of view. They do not care. Drop it
- The worst thing that will happen from a first-time offense is being told not to do it again. Maybe with a replacement if you broke something
- You can improve relationships and gauge willingness to talk to you by giving compliments. It's like a daily log-in bonus and nobody thinks twice about it
- Most things are better after you sleep on them
- Most things are better after you have a meal
- Most things are better after you shower
- Your brain makes up consequences that are irrational. If the worst DOES come to pass and someone acts like they do in your head, they are overreacting, and you are entitled to say "what the fuck"
- If your chest hurts after you feel like you've made a social error, that's called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It means your anxiety is so bad that it's causing you physical pain, which is a good indicator that you're overreacting. Tense yourself, hold it for 20 seconds, let it go, then find a distraction
- If you're suddenly angry at someone after you feel like you made a social error, that's also rejection-sensitive dysphoria. You are going to feel annoyed about it for awhile, but being genuinely pissed off is your anxiety trying to find something to blame to take the responsibility off your shoulders, and getting scared because it can't justify itself. Deep breaths, ask yourself how much you ACTUALLY want to be angry at that person, then find a distraction
- "Sour grapes" is more healthy for you than stewing. Deciding you don't like someone who's perpetually annoyed with you, won't talk to you, etc. makes letting go of anxiety over them easier
- If people don't like you, they will find reasons to be annoyed with you when they otherwise wouldn't. If people do like you, they will find reasons NOT to be annoyed with you when they otherwise would. People do not ping-pong between the two
- You DO have to make a conscious choice not to think about something. If you're having trouble circling back to it, say out loud that you're done thinking about it and why. Then find a distraction
- When you're upset, part of you is going to want to make false bids for attention (suddenly texting differently, heavy sighs, etc. but when someone asks you about it, you tell them it's nothing). Do not listen to it. You gain nothing from it except more misery
- People like to help people they care about. It makes them feel good about themselves
- If you think you're insufferable for needing help, see above. Yes, really. They get a serotonin kick from it
- If you think you're insufferable for mannerisms you have, you either have to consciously choose not to do them, or accept that they're part of the package that comes with you. Being apologetic about existing does nothing except make you more miserable
- If you do things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it makes it easier to do them when you hate it
- If you avoid things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it reinforces and magnifies how bad it feels when you hate it
- Seriously. Read those last two points again. If you can make yourself make a phone call when you've got nothing to lose, you will slowly lose that panic you get when you have to make a phone call you haven't prepared for. You do have to CONSCIOUSLY take that step
- Hobbies that make you care for something get rid of that nagging feeling that you're not doing enough. Go grow some rosemary
- If you don't engage with your hobbies regularly, you will feel miserable, and anxiety will spike
- Hobbies are things that give you a bit of happiness. They do not have to be organized or named to do that. Go be creative in something. Play with coins. Make up lists. Start a new WIP
- No one cares what you look like
- If people point out things they don't like about how you look unprompted, they are being rude. You are entitled to say "what the fuck"
- People who like you will find you pretty to some degree. Minor things about your appearance go completely unnoticed. Literally, scars and dots and blemishes do not register to someone who likes your company
- You looking at yourself in the mirror is 10x more closely than anyone is going to look at you
- If you're anxious about your body type, and you're creatively inclined, make/write an oc with that same shape. Give them nice things and make other characters love them. Put them on adventures. You'll start to see yourself in the mirror more kindly
- You care about wording and perfect lines/colors way more than anyone who views your work ever will
- Sometimes when you're upset, you're going to feel like not eating. Do not do that. Not eating makes you more miserable
- Same with things you normally enjoy. Denying yourself helps no one. You are punishing yourself for being sad. Stop it
- Both of these will take conscious decision to break the habit of. Make yourself do it anyways, and it will slowly get easier
- And again, to reiterate: If someone is mad at you, it is THEIR responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess
