Kitten Night Farts

When looking for a gif of Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law dancing as Holmes and Watson I fell down one hell of a rabbit hole.

First off I learned that if you want homoerotic tension you went to the right guys because you got an actual bi man who famously paired up with Spider-Man in a not so parental way ifyaknowwhatImean

And a guy who spent a good chunk of his early career playing dangerous twinks who ruin men’s lives because he’s too pretty.

And that made me realize that Jude Law is the most literal male translation of the “dangerous seductress” I’ve ever seen. Sort of how Chris Hemsworth is the best in business at playing the male version of a “dumb blond”

Hemsworth’s dumb blondes know they look good and that people tend to let them have their way because of it, but they don’t know how to use their good looks to manipulate others and are always in danger of being taken advantage of by people who desire them.

Not Jude Law’s characters. They know they look good, they know how to weaponize it and loudly signals “objectify me at your own risk”

Even in A.I. where he plays a literal sex toy/robot prostitute, who is programmed to not be able to defend himself and has no say in how he is used, he still manages to conspire against humans in the most passive way possible “They want to fuck me but they also hate me because they know robots will outlive humans”

His characters even get to experience the downsides of being a “dangerous seductress” that are usually reserved for women. In Mr. Ripley he gets murdered because how dare he lead people on and not put out? It was totally his own fault for being a sexy asshole.

And in The Young Pope he can hardly move a finger without everybody objectifying him despite him being asexual and the goddamn pope, and despite sometimes using it to his advantage he has also turned rather cold and cruel partly because of it. It’s no wonder that it’s a common trait for a lot of these characters that they recent the people who are attracted to them.

And I have noticed a trend. Straight male directors seem to hire beefcakes like Hemsworth when they need a character they think women should be attracted to, but hire Jude Law when they want an actor with a more androgynous aura they’d personally be willing fuck. He doesn’t get those roles quite as often anymore though as he has gotten older and less feminine to look at.

But anyway, Downey Jr. and Law, what a combo. The bi disaster and the twink who lost the good will of his patrons because he’s pushing 50. Quite the match.

“Oscar Wilde with his boy.”