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#no word from gurb – @kittennightfarts on Tumblr

Kitten Night Farts

@kittennightfarts / kittennightfarts.tumblr.com

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"07.00 Weigh myself on the bathroom scales. 3.8 kilos. Given that I am pure intellect, this is dreadful. Decide to do exercise every morning. 07.30 Go out into the street, ready to run 6 miles. Tomorrow, 7; the day after, 8, and so on. 07.32 Pass a baker's. Buy a pine-nut cake and eat it on the way home. Someone else can do the running."

'No word from Gurb', Eduardo Mendoza

#no word from gurb#books#eduardo mendoza#relatable
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20.00 Walked so much my shoes start smoking. Heel has come off one shoe, which gives my walk a ridiculous mincing effect. Throw shoes away, go into a shop and with the money left over from the restaurant buy a new pair. They are not comfortable as the previous ones, but are made of very tough material. Wearing these new shoes, known here as skis, I start to explore the neighbourhood known as Pedralbes.

‘No word from Gurb’, Eduardo Mendoza

#no word from gurb#eduardo mendoza#books
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14.00 Reach end of my physical endurance. Rest by putting both knees on the ground, left leg bent backwards, right one bend forwards. Seeing me in this position, old lady offers me a 25-peseta coin, which I immediately swallow so as not to seem rude.

‘No word from Gurb’, Eduardo Mendoza

#eduardo mendoza#no word from gurb#books
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The means of locomotion of cars (four wheels in parallel, and filled with stale air) is more rational, and allows them to travel at greater speeds. In order not to seem eccentric, am unable to fly or walk on my head. NB Keep one foot (either will do) constantly on the ground, or use external organ known as arse.

‘No word from Gurb’, Eduardo Mendoza

#no word from gurb#eduardo mendoza#books
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08.00 Materialize at the location known as the Diagonal-Paseo de Gracia crossroads. Knocked down by the No.17 Barcelona-Vall d'Hebron autobus. Have to recover my head, which has rolled off as a result of collision. Difficult operation due to large number of vehicles. 08.01 Knocked down by Opel Corsa. 08.02 Knocked down by delivery van. 08.03 Knocked down by taxi.

‘No word from Gurb’, Eduardo Mendoza

#eduardo mendoza#no word from gurb#books
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07.00  Acting on orders (mine), Gurb prepares to make contact with life forms (real and potential) of the area. Given that we are travelling in non-corporeal form (pure intelligence-analytical factor 4800) decide he should take on a bodily appearance similar to that of local inhabitants. Reason: so as not to attract the attention of the autochthonous fauna (real and potential). Consult the Astral Earth Catalogue of Assimilable Forms (AECAF) and choose to give Gurb the appearance of human being known as Madonna.

‘No word from Gurb’, Eduardo Mendoza

#no word from gurb#eduardo mendoza#books#madonna
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Given that we are travelling in non-corporeal form (pure intelligence-analytical factor 4800) decide he should take on bodily appearance similar to that of local inhabitants. Reason: so as not to attract the attention of the autochthonous fauna (real and potential). Consult the Astral Earth Catalogue of Assimilable Forms (AECAF) and choose to give Gurb the appearance of human being known as Madonna.

‘No word from Gurb’, Eduardo Mendoza

#no word from gurb#eduardo mendoza#books
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15.00 Decide to make a systematic search of the city instead of remaining in one spot. […] Set off following the ideal heliographic plan I built into my internal circuits on leaving the ship. Fall into a trench dug by the Catalan Gas Company. 15.02 Fall into a trench dug by the Catalan Hydroelectric Company. 15.03 Fall into a trench dug by the Barcelona Water Company. 15.04 Fall into a trench dug by the Calle Corcega Neighbourhood Association. 15.06 Decide to abandon the ideal heliographic plan and to walk watching where I put my feet.

‘No word from Gurb’, Eduardo Mendoza

#no word from gurb#books#eduardo mendoza
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