Kitten Night Farts

JRR Tolkien, writing The Hobbit: The passages there were crossed and tangled in all directions, but the goblins knew their way, as well as you do to the nearest post-office…

Me, a child, reading it: Oh dear. I’m not sure I do know the way to the nearest post-office. It sounds as if that’s absolutely something I’m supposed to know. I can’t know less than a goblin. The book will be disappointed in me.

Me, a little while later, figuring out the location of a nearby post-office: oh thank goodness

Me for the rest of my life: feeling vaguely comforted and affirmed by knowing the location of the nearest post-office, a facility I almost never use, because I am at least the navigational equal of a goblin

I am told this meme is two years old and Smaug has since slipped down to #19.

#I assume that in fiction he is kept from the top by Scrooge McDuck?

It seems Forbes gave up on ranking fictional characters’ wealth after 2013, before things got quite so extremely unbalanced, so I don’t know what the situation now would be but yes, in 2013 Scrooge McDuck was at the top of the heap with an estimated $65.4 billion, which an online inflation calculator suggests would be worth about $83.3 billion today.  The current richest human (January 2023), Bernard Arnault, has $190 billion.

The hobbits in LotR, every 5 minutes: Our adventure is not like we would have liked at all, it’s not fun exciting like Bilbo’s was.

Bilbo, who has been telling the bedtime story version of a story whose tragedy still haunts him: Ha, Ha, Ha, right…

@adhd-edward-teach

Using you summing up my thoughts perfectly as an excuse to say:

Tolkien’s choice here was absolutely commentary on the way the false glory of war was sold to his generation before they were shipped off to die in WWI.

this is an absolutely horrible post that makes no sense but last night i told my roommate that trying to take the lord of the rings, the silmarillion, and the hobbit and explain the tonal and narrative difference and what it all means as a series is like if you only had three sources about what happens in england (a made up place, as we all know) and they were geoffrey of monmouth’s ‘the history of the kings of britain’, modern doctor who, and a singular episode of peppa pig. and you’re out here trying to force these to be part of a cohesive narrative

drink my wine is elvish for fuck me in the ass

whoop dere it is

This is my favorite show.

imagine being into lotr and not realizing that “deeply flawed and broken people can and will do incredible, beautiful, wondrous, hugely important and significant things with just a bit of fellowship, hope, and love” is the entire point 

let me put it this way. 

the point is not that frodo destroys the ring. 

the point is that frodo wouldn’t have destroyed the ring, and that in the end it’s gollum’s greed that destroys the ring (and gollum himself), and frodo only survives because sam has followed him all that way out of love and loyalty and devotion. 

the point is not that bilbo steals the arkenstone from thorin. the point is that bilbo is willing to do whatever it may take to save thorin out of love and loyalty and devotion. 

the point is not that thorin succumbs to dragon sickness. the point is that thorin overcomes it because of the love and loyalty and devotion of his kin and company.

seems like a bit of a theme

Tolkien: This character is Feanor, which in my language means Spirit of Fire, which gets at his personality, creative spirit, and destructive tendencies. 

Also Tolkien: This character is Treebeard because he’s a tree with a beard.

Tolkien: Here’s an entire language I created for a race of people, full of history and lore

Also Tolkien: Mount Doom

#the duality of tolkien

Cate Blanchett though. 

get yourself someone who can do both

@gwen-no-fear

You could do the same with Lee Pace

What I’m getting from this is that Marvel turns elves Goth

I KNEW HOPE LOOKED FAMILIAR.

He wasn’t an elf but there’s also Karl Urban

My favourite thing to come out of that whole Dress thing was this:

hot take: 

Gloin is the sexiest dwarf by dwarf standards.

Kili is the sexiest dwarf by elf standards.

Thorin is the sexiest dwarf by human standards

& Bombur is the sexiest dwarf by hobbit standards

#ITS TRUE AND YOU SHOULD SAY IT #(ALSO THORIN AND KILI BEING ‘UGLY’ BY DWARF STANDARDS IS AMUSING CONTENT)

further take: Kili is straight-up ugly by dwarf standards. Thorin is like, the dwarf equivalent of Benedict Cumberbatch. Some dwarves think he’s an absolutely dreamboat, others think he is super weird looking, there’s very little middle ground.

omg now i’m like. what does this make frodo by hobbit standards

by hobbit standards, I’m afraid Frodo is probably. not conventionally attractive at all.

Frodo is the sexiest hobbit by elf standards

@femmefaramir this is some fucking galaxy brain level tags and im crying out of sheer horror

Let me introduce you, FIGHT CHRIS CLUB(｡◕∀◕｡)

Gollum wasn’t driven insane by the ring, he only ate fish for 500 years and had mercury poisoning as well as serious vitamin D deficiency

This fucken elves are getting out of control

KO