Short and Sweet

Not my white ass locked in the duke’s dungeon again because I fucked his favorite jester 😩

I didn’t know he was so territorial over the silly little guy 🙄

Pro Tip: Avoid this in the future by inviting the king to your chambers and presenting the situation as;

" Just warming him up for a surprise threesome. You looked so stressed, sire, so let us help you relax."

Ah, but I said the king, my good wizard!

If you get the king in on this, the duke can do nothing without risking insulting his monarch.

This could not possibly backfire!

In fact, I'll go perform this right now and report back my success shortly.

Dungeon

Welcome to the club

surely the duke can’t catch all of us????

Gonna try hitting up the jester when the duke goes out for another raid and report with results 👍

Dungeon.

Wow. I don't respect anyone in this thread.

feels like somebody’s mad they didn’t get the chance to fuck the duke’s favorite jester

Make a pass at the jester and there’s always a chance

That you’ll be be doing that old “chained in the dungeon” dance

I was inspired

Reposting this because I need to materialize it somewhere.

WE'RE SO BACK CHAT

— (varric)

.

you dont understand as soon as he appeared onscreen i burst into tears and couldnt stop crying it was baaad. i missed him so much gwah :")

in honor of dashcon's 10 year anniversary i need to remind everyone that the dashcon schedule with panel names and descriptions is still up

how could you possibly choose

be up at midnight for the most lynchian night of your life

I NEED EVIDENCE

I think I found the post

this is fetish content masquerading as silly content.

Idk about anyone else here but personally...yeah? Thats why I reblogged it? I was extremely aware when that the extremely attractive man crushing fruit with his bulging muscles and getting extremely messy and wet in his slutty tanktop and workout shorts was meant to be sexual. I reblogged it because it was horny.

gay sex

You're not hiding this in the tags

Witchcraft, Wisdom, Death...

Before I… crack them open?

....before you put them in here:

the water cup even comes with a little needle at the bottom for hole-poking purposes, see:

sorry i meant boil not cook

WHAT IS THAT

It's an egg cooker!

It's like a toaster and an electric kettle had a baby and ...the baby boils eggs.

#is this specifically a German thing#because Germans tend to have Opinions about eggs#also the only people I know who actually know how to use an egg cup are German#teach me your ways - I still don’t understand why you’d use an egg cup. and I can’t imagine boiling eggs not in a pot on the stove

no egg cup:

egg cup:

#why is the wobble an issue you pick them up one at a time shell then and eat them like not whole but just#you hold them and bite them and eat then till there's none left? why does this need extra tools

...at this point i'm sorry to introduce...the egg spoon.

Even better news about German egg related gadgets… the Eierköpfer (it also has a super long German name), for when you need a guillotine to open your egg neatly

No offence to Germany but why are you guys so fucking insane

nothing to see here. Just normal feelings about egg.

Mammals both produce milk and have hair. Ergo, a coconut is a mammal.

I know you’re being facetious, but this is an actual issue with morphology-based phylogeny.

*leans over and whispers to person beside me* what are they talking about

*leans over and whispers back*  Human ability to quantify and categorize natural phenomena is sketchy at best and wildly misleading at worst

consider the coconut

this reminds me of that time Plato defined humans as “featherless bipeds” and Diogenes ran in with a plucked chicken screaming “BEHOLD A MAN!”

i love how you say “it reminds me of that time” like you were there.

listen if an immortal feels brave and supported enough to come out we should respect them

This post is a journey

1 Reblog = 1 Respect

I maintain that humans started attempting classify animals, and some god or another made the platypus, and is still laughing.

Zeus: *hits joint* okay so like. It’s gonna have a duck bill right. But an otter body okay? And then a beaver tail. It’s a mammal. But. It lays eggs!

Hades: wait wait dude. Give it. Give it poison. Make it poisonous

Athena: You mean venomous, and make sure the eggs have both reptile and bird traits. Hermes: *takes the joint* Give it extra senses. Poseidon: It should be aquatic.

I MEAN where’s the lie

Demeter: … And where exactly do you expect me to put this? Everyone: Australia.

You guys knew that Benoit Blanc was gay when his boyfriend answered the door of his apartment. I knew he was gay when that man sprayed high-pressure mouthwash in his throat and he didn't even gag for a second. We are not the same

death the kid is such a… weird character. i cant think of another character like him because he’s so weird. like, he’s the son of the grim reaper with horrible ocd and perfectionism issues and also he dresses like a preppy goth in full tuxedo but he also rides a skateboard named beelzebub and does cool tricks on it whenever presented the opportunity also he has guns. none of those character traits sound like they belong to the same person. hes somehow both the coolest and lamest character in the show. 

he hold gun like this

those guns are two women

and those women are cowgirls from Brooklyn

Tumblr Top 5 - Episode 4: Ships

Put your life vests on, batten down the hatches, and prepare yourself to be absolutely soaked as Ryan Bergara, Shane Madej, and Coppy dive into the sopping wet world of ships.

Stay aboard for an exclusive sneak peek of Tumblr Special Event, Total Ship Show, with guests Michael Vlamis and Tyler Blackburn from The CW’s Roswell, New Mexico.